Baby on my mind

I sit and replay a conversation I had a few days ago about a friend's adoption progress. I was so happy to hear that they had been picked by a mother and after a long process are finally getting to become parents.

Pure joy I tell ya. 

And then that night, as I thought about it some more, imaging their joy and excitement, nervousness, thankfulness, a full range of emotions...I thought and wondered and questioned my own emotions...

about why I was able to be so happy for them, and why was I not getting anxious about our own process, did I even care about our own process?  Was I thinking about it enough? How come I wasn't getting fidgety about having to wait an unknown amount of time?

Being analytical  is so annoying sometimes. :~)

Lots of thoughts and questions were strumming through my mind. I allowed myself to thoughtfully think on each one.

And as I sat there the one word that kept coming back to me was PEACE.

I'm not anxious about not getting phone calls because I'm at peace that one will come. I don't dwell on when it's going to happen, because I'm at peace that eventually it will.

Never.in.my.life have I EVER experienced this kind of deeper than bone deep peace. It's hard to even describe. Words come up so short to describe something that I feel in the deepest part of me. This kind of peace. There are hardly words and the words I do have still don't do it justice.

It just permeates every fiber of me. It's the peace that I could never muster up on my own no matter how hard I tried. This peace comes straight from the Source. It's His peace. And in His peace there is no anxiety or worried thoughts.

But while there is no anxiousness or worried thoughts there is this anticipation brewing inside of me. An anticipation for what is yet to come. For a promise from the Lord.

An anticipation to once again take my hands and comb through a little babies hair after a bath in the sink (well, I can't be so sure about the hair part, my girls were especially gifted in that department. )



an anticipation to pier over the side of our bassinet and see a baby in baggy pants just waking up


an anticipation to wedge our baby in the corner of the couch and subject to lots of picture taking

an anticipation to snuggle with a sleeping baby on my chest

an anticipation to pull those baby mittens out of the closet and put on tiny hands 

an anticipation for just more of this

I am peacefully waiting. Knowing that at the God appointed time our next child will be born into this world for our family. I move forward waiting in peace, but great anticipation...I am ready.