Break my stubborn will

I ran into Walmart Friday evening to grab some last minute items for our Portrait Project on Saturday.
I was in a hurry, a little bit grumpy, and wanted to hurry up and get home.
Walmart and me are not on friendly terms, so it was only out of convenience that I went into that store.

As I paced up and down the aisles looking for what I couldn't find,
standing there,
in the cosmetics aisle,
I saw someone.

A familiar face.

I was pretty sure it was her, but her hair was different so I couldn't be positive.
And then I heard a familiar voice, "say hello" .

But rather than listen, I quickly ducked my head and strode by quickly pretending to look at something down the aisle....
chicken.

I walked around the corner, thinking, pondering her face the last time I saw her, trying to remember her name, working up the guts to simply say "hi".
"What's wrong with me? Why am I struggling with this? If it's not her it's no big deal....but what if it is (and I'm pretty sure it was)...what else do I say....why now? I'm grumpy and want to go home, why does she have to be here tonight? What the heck, why can't I just say hi!?!"

I walked back past the aisle that she still stood in, her feet still firmly planted in the same spot, no doubt being held there by a force that was willing me to go to her.

And then, in a split second decision...I left.

I left.

Ugh. utter dread.

I didn't say hello.

I was uncharacteristically scared out of saying, hello.

Why is such a simple gesture so hard sometimes?

I've thought about this all weekend. I haven't been able to shake what I did. Or rather....
what I didn't do.

It's what I didn't do that I've been struggling with. The Lord asked me to "say hello". And because of my stubborn unwillingness I ignored Him. Because of fear that it might actually be her, I ignored Him. Because at that moment I wouldn't have known what to say to her...I ignored Him....and her.

And what makes me sick is that this was one of those opportunities that I pray for every.day! An opportunity to be a light. His light. Even if it's in just a fleeting moment.

Isn't life made up of fleeting moments?

In church this morning I thought about what happened. Why she was there. Why God asked me to say hello. And the answer I heard was so simple, not at all what I was expecting. And it was this...

"to simply be recognized...and remembered."

That would have been huge for her....especially from me. I met her for a brief time, under a circumstance that was meant to celebrate achievement and victory. But even in the midst of the celebration, we're all aware that we're only celebrating victory because of the fire that they went through leading them there.

I wish I could go back.

I wish I could be in that aisle again with her, boldly walk up and say, "Hi Vicky, it's great to see you!"

"Lord, forgive my stubborn heart. Break my will. Mold me to resemble You more. Help me to be obedient in all that You ask of me. Help me to be obedient to do Your will in every fleeting moment."

So thankful in this week leading up to Easter that God is so full of grace that He will never reject us in our failures. So thankful that He is relentlessly persistent in seeking our hearts. And so thankful that another opportunity to be His light and share His love is waiting right around the corner....

Clearing out the nothingness

I have a lot to do...yet here I sit, at the computer, blogging.
This is usually where I resort to going when I have a lot to do and am procrastinating.
I'm procrastinating I guess.
I have a bagillion closets to clean and every day they are on my to-do list to organize, yet here I sit,
not organizing
If you saw my closets you wouldn't blame me.
They are bad.
Our "pantry" closet of sorts downstairs is probably the worst, and the one that I swore I was going to clean out tonight once the girls were in bed.
Yet here I sit...blogging.
Blogging about cleaning.
I have a portrait project to prep for on Saturday morning.
Unfortunately most of my equipment is stuffed into that "pantry" closet so not only am I not cleaning out that closet, I'm not prepping for Saturday because it's all inside.
And I can't get to any of it because it's in such disarray.
So now I'm not doing two things.
But I am on here blogging about needing to do it,
shouldn't that count for something?
And the saddest part is, once I eventually stop blogging about doing nothing and get off the computer, I'm gonna walk right over to that couch, sit myself down and watch American Idol from Wednesday night, continuing the nothingness.
Honestly, there is something so demotivating about closets.
I don't like them.
So, maybe tomorrow...
and maybe not.

Disney on Ice

came to Omaha!
And we had to take the girls, I mean... we had to!
And of course it was great, Disney rarely ever disappoints (except that Aurora was a no-show, which Sydaleigh promptly noticed, and talked about the rest of the night. Nothin' gets by that girl.)
But other than that! It was swell!
We do love ourselves some princesses!


we dined at Islamorada before the show, where Sydaleigh wore her princess crown all through dinner.


and then off to the show; that Genie had some mad skating skills!

Claire was there too and the friends talked non-stop about all their favorite parts.

We are definitely going back next year if they come again. It's like going to Disney but cheaper. :)

Bottomless pit

Marvelly has always been a very good eater.
But tonight....holy cow!
Me and Isaak just kept watching her, amazed that such a small person could pack that much food away.
Two slices of bread n' butter, applesauce, and two big helpings of lasagna.
The girl probably would have wolfed down more if I had let her.
As she stuffed her belly full she simultaneously was saying, "mmmm....nummy."
What a crack up this kid is.

playing around

I'm trying to update the look of my blog and it is going terrible!
There are way too many choices, colors, fonts, layouts, oh my.
But, I'm bored of looking at my blog with its same old same old look, so I'm trying to spruce it up a bit. It will likely take me a week to decide on something, so in the meantime, prepare for it to be changing a lot until I decide on something I like enough to keep up.

Random life things

Some things that are going on right now....

I took over the leadership of our bible study. We're starting a new series tomorrow, Francis Chan's The Forgotten God, which is going to be amazing. More to come on that...

The adoption process is moving steadily along. We are in the middle of our home study. We were assigned our case worker at the beginning of February, just three days after completing our ADOPT workshop. We were told it would take at least three weeks to be assigned and contacted by our case worker...and it only took 3 days. We have met with him individually as well as a couple, and we only have one more meeting with him as a couple before he starts the home visits. We've also submitted all of our background paperwork...which was a lot! Digging up addresses for the past 10 years was interesting; I should really keep those on file so we don't have to resort to Google Earth again to figure out where we used to live. :) We hope to wrap up our home study within the next two months depending how long it takes to process all that background info...

Isaak is still in school. Last quarter he stumbled upon a program that the Air Force offers to become a P.A. And, he's going to do it. We've thought about it a lot, talked about it a lot, and really believe this is the path God is leading Isaak. He is passionate about medicine, which he only discovered through becoming a dental assistant ( super God-thing!). So he's going to pursue becoming a Physician's assistant. Awesome program out of Texas, he'll get his Master's degree after one very intense year, be promoted to an officer, and then get to diagnose, treat, write prescriptions, and all that jazz. He will submit his application next January, and upon approval we'll be headed to San Antonio for a year. But this is still a ways off, so right now we're content to be in Nebraska, doing what we're doing.

I'm trying to get out of my winter funk. I devised a plan this weekend to get back on track. I'm gonna start getting up in the mornings again to go to the gym. My brain functions much better when it's jolted to life at 6am by the treadmill. During the winter I waited till the girls were awake to bring them with me, to have somewhere to go and play (playground in the gym). But with spring around the corner they're able to play outside again, and I get a lot more out of my workout when I'm not having to jump off the treadmill every 5 minutes to save Marvelly from something dangerous she's doing. I also made a new schedule for our days. Like I said, winter funk. It made me lazy, we just pretty much farted around all winter doing things here and there, without much rhyme or reason. Done with that. We are back to rhyme and reason. I made up a schedule for our days (because I work better with a schedule or list of some kind, it keeps me on track, which I need...or else I just go off on tangents...)

I've also been researching preschools for Sydaleigh like crazy. Registration will be starting soon and I need to decide where to take her in the Fall, but I can't decide because I'm too stinkin' picky. I don't want to spend an arm and a leg, I only want her gone 3 days a week, half days only, small class size, balanced curriculum, yada yada ya....I think I've narrowed it down to two, now I just need tour the schools and pick. I'm so not ready for this.

Well that's about it. I mean that's not ALL it, but ya know, just some of our random life things going on right now. :)

Farewell

I said goodbye to Holly.
Well, kind of.
It was as much of a goodbye as I could muster without breaking down in tears in the middle of the hotel lobby.
So, we did like dudes do...and did a quick shoulder pat, a "see ya in November" and went our separate ways.
Separate ways...hmmm, I wonder what that will look like?
I told myself I would allow a one day funk filled with Twilight, Mamma Mia, chocolate, and tears, I would wait to cry untill tomorrow, on my funk day.
But, as soon as the cool open air hit me as I walked with the girls to the car, "it" hit me.
I couldn't suppress the emotion anymore.
It came bubbling up and completely spilled over.
I sobbed every step, until I reached the car and motherhood beckoned me back.
I quickly recovered, wiped the tears away, and drove us home.
It finally felt good to cry.
Even though it was only for 30 seconds, I needed those 30 seconds.
I needed those 30 seconds to move forward tonight.
I finally needed to feel.
But as I drove home, knowing Holly and her precious family, who have come to be my family, would be driving to a new life tomorrow....
I realized a friend like Holly you don't say goodbye to forever.
There is no need to cry "forever" tears.
We'll see each other again,
and that is a reason to celebrate, and to plan, and to be excited.
So tomorrow on my self imposed funk day I will be celebrating and rejoicing over the friendship God gave me. If I cry it will not be out of loss, but out of thanksgiving.

(Praying safe travels over you all tonight. )

Odd

I just came into my downstairs bathroom to find a huge puddle of water in the middle of the floor.
I began searching for the source of the huge puddle, but all the surroundings areas were dry.
It didn't come from the toilet, that area is dry.
It didn't come from the sink, that's dry.
Not the ceiling.
Not the walls.
I open the door to the hot water heater and see that there is a little bit of water on the floor, score!, I think, glad to know that's where it came from, BUT, then I look down to see that the whole area outside the door, the cracks and seals along the wall and door are per-fect-ly dry.
Okay...that's just weird.
It's like the huge puddle materialized out of nowhere!
Nothing to explain its existence.
Again, weird I say.
....Only in base housing I tell ya.....

Purging

I can't take it anymore.
This stuff needs to go.
And by 'stuff ' I mean....the mounds and mounds and mounds.....
upon more mounds...
and more mounds,
of clothes.
They are taking over every crevice of our home.
Closets, drawers, totes, floors, and shelves overflowing with.clothes.
It's maddening.
The house can't take it anymore.
It's starting to reject them.
I can't close Syd's top drawer because the dresser is regurgitating all her pj's.
I open Marvi's side and her "organizer" is repelling all her shirts....it's like it's saying as the clothes fall to the floor, "get them outta here, I can't fit anymore woman!!"
But instead of taking the hint, I just jam them back in.
Well, not anymore.
I've had it.
And I'm purging.
Whatever's stained, ripped, only mediocre like...or I just can't stand the sight of anymore is hitting the road.
I don't care where Isaak takes them but they can't stay here.
(AND, I'm going to take the mounds of plastic bags that have mysteriously lurked their way back under my sink to put them in...cause those can't stay either.)

Marvelly at 2

Marvelly turned 2.
Wowzers. It sounds so cliche to say, "it seems like yesterday they were born",
but as parents, it does. It goes by fast. And these past 2 years have gone by very fast with Marvelly. She is a little bite sized kid with a whopping personality and her presence has added such an awesome dynamic to our family. The girl never slows down which keeps us on our toes...all the time. :)


So to celebrate we did a little Tiana themed party/get together with some friends. Marvelly got a new Tiana dress, Tiana balloon, Tiana cake...she really likes Tiana so we went with that. :)
On the morning of her birthday she came downstairs for breakfast to her balloons and gifts waiting at her seat. (it's become a tradition of sorts).
I attempted to make a Tiana cake. (that's suppose to be a lilly pad on the top). And despite the fact that I am not a person with mad cake making abilities, the girls loved it. I don't think it turned out too shabby myself. :)

blowing out her candles and tasting the cake

there were a lot of little kids in the house,
but we somehow managed to all squeeze in and have fun

Happy birthday my love....


Marvelly......talks in 4-6 word sentences.
Can say virtually anything.
Likes to over emphasizes the last word in her sentences when trying to get a point across,
such as, "I want caaaaaake," or, "no, not that ooooooone".
Can count to 10 when playing hide and seek.
Knows the name of all the colors...but still gets confused as to which color is which...
so basically everything is blue and pink.
Has a very strong attachment to her blanket.
Still gets milk in a sippy before nap and bedtime.
Does sideways summersaults
Still waiting to grow eight more teeth
isn't tall enough yet to sit at the table without her booster
started calling Daddy, "Isaak" every once and a while
unknowingly still makes her suckle face when she's really tired and laying close to me
enjoys food, all food
folds a little loop in her blanket and puts her index finger inside
Entered into the "mine" phase full force, and it's not just limited to toys but people as well, particularly me, "My Mommy toooooooo", she says to Syd over and over and over again.
Started brushing her teeth as opposed to just sucking the toothpaste off
Favorite toy is the crazy haired Grandma doll from the Loving Family
Learning the lyrics to all our favorite Mamma Mia hits
Transitioned to calling me "Mamma"
likes to antagonize Syd
hates getting her hair brushed
walks backward away from the t.v. when she's scared
has the most cheery disposition
likes to dig chapstick out of the tube with her finger and eat it.

All dressed up

Last night I was downstairs doing some 'r another when I heard...
Isaak laughing upstairs with the girls...
followed by...
ding a ling a ling sound going down the hall...
followed by...
"Melissa, come see this"...
as I get to the top of the stairs I see...

Anna the cat, decorated in a variety of bows and clips.


and Sydaleigh telling me that she did in fact, "decorate Nanni for Christmas"


Sydaleigh did this during quiet time while Anna was sitting on her bed.
And.she.let.her!
She actually had more on her but Anna managed to shake some off the past couple hours.
This is right before bed and she still had a dozen or so clips in her fur...and she didn't even mind!
What a good sport our Anna cat is (whom the girls have lovingly renamed Nanni).
We love this cat.
She's just another one of the girls...long hair, bows and all.