Eight days ago a friend of Sydaleigh's, Cody Blackwell, died in a tragic car accident on route 4. Sydaleigh knew Cody from her time at Grace Brethren and the church's youth program, as well as from middle and high school. The day after he died, Sydaleigh was at school when she heard the news, and she texted me from another student's phone to let me know what happened. She asked for permission to stay in the library to comfort grieving students, and I allowed her to skip class in order to mourn with those around her.
In the week that followed, Sydaleigh tried to help students at school as they mourned- offering hugs, rubbing backs, sitting together and providing company.
No one should have to know the pain of losing a friend so young.
With everything going on in the world and Sydaleigh's life leading up to this tragedy (C0vid Omicron variant is rapidly spreading now, Syd was struggling academically in school (a 13% in math), grounded because of her grades, her boyfriend recently broke up with her, conflict at home with us, feeling lonely relationally and struggling to make good friends, in addition to being fired from her job at Tropical Smoothie over the weekend), this was another burden she was now carrying.
It's a lot for a fifteen year old to navigate all at once. I wasn't sure how Sydaleigh would emotionally handle the pain of Cody's death and the rest of the challenges in her life right now.
But, God.
Let me say that again.
But, God.
Our ever present help in times of need.
When we are caught in an avalanche of pain and struggles, when life comes barreling down at us hard and fast, and all we can do, it seems, is try not to get buried under the crushing weight of life's challenges...God is there as a lifeline. And if God isn't reaching down and pulling us out of the avalanche and saving us from the trouble, He is there, whispering how to navigate it, showing us where to go, how to survive, how to breathe. Encouraging our spirits to remain in Him. To not give up. Showing us how to love others who've been buried in grief and are hurting too.
Sydaleigh had never been to an open-casket memorial before, and the only memorial she has been to was Mike's five years ago. I tried to prepare her for what she might expect in seeing her friend's body, and I encouraged her to not shy away from the pain, to lean into it, embrace it and not fight it.
No good comes from burying our feelings, ignoring pain and pretending we're not hurting. Being vulnerable requires a courage to be honest about what we're feeling and not being afraid to feel, even when it's hard. I truly believe when we have the courage to face the hard feelings, it allows us a greater capacity to heal and grow and become emotionally healthy.
Even though the Memorial last night was painful, I saw the Lord's spirit manifesting in Sydaleigh in the most beautiful way.
Sydaleigh faced her own grief and the grief of her friend's head on. She didn't hold back. She didn't shrink away. My girl doesn't know how. We brought Jayla with us too, and when it came time to approach the casket and say goodbye to her friend, Sydaleigh, in tears, led the way for Jayla and together they walked to the front. For the next hour, Sydaleigh walked up to people she knew, and people she didn't know such as Cody's girlfriend who was in the car when it crashed and watched him perish, and cried with her and offered words or comfort. She consoled those mourning and entered into their grief and mourned with them. She helped lead the way to the casket on a few occasions as new people arrived who were nervous to approach his body alone.
The love of Christ was so clearly present in my girl. By the power of His spirit, He supplied her with the strength to endure a terrible situation and gave extra measures of His strength for her to give to others in need.
So many times I just cried, just from watching my girl cry and help and serve others in their pain. Sydaleigh has this gift from the Lord, truly, a gift, to walk with others in their grief and take on their pain. Her heart radiates the beauty and compassion of the Lord. She loves others well, and also, is continuing to learn, in moments such as these, how to love others well.
Interestingly, yesterday also marked the shortest, darkest day of the year: Winter solstice. On the darkest day of the year, Sydaleigh indeed walked through a dark valley, but by the grace of God He used her to be a bright light.
My girl is strong. What a joy, even in the midst of sorrow, to see the Lord equip her to do hard things.
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
"Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10.
