Portrait Project in DC

Before I moved to DC in February I dreamed and contemplated ways that I could do a Portrait Project in this city. Holly was already well established here so I pitched to her my desire to team up again  and I knew that together we could come up with a way to do one last P.P. here before I leave the states.

From that, God added Liza to the mix, our dear friend who is employed by CASA of DC and daily advocates for children in the foster system here. She told me that the Superior Courts of DC are hosting a family day this summer to celebrate all the families in the DC court system who have successfully been reunified.

(top-Liza, bottom-me and Holly-June 16th 2012. Family Celebration Day.)

We all thought that this would be a great opportunity to do a Portrait Project so Liza set off to get approval from the courts for us to participate in their day.

Even before I took a single picture, God was already at work behind the scenes. I just love it when He does that.

There were lots of meetings Liza went to on our behalf pitching the Portrait Project and hammering out the details on how we could be included. In Omaha I would do this leg work on my own, seeking approval, getting permission, the whens and where's, but seen as how Liza already had established working relationships with the court staff God was able to use her to share what the Portrait Project is with people I wouldn't be able to meet with. I just love how God strategically places people in certain places and positions to be a vessel for His work!

And then the day that the Family Day planning committee met to officially approve Portrait Project participation, I got this email from Liza....

"the Presiding Judge of Family Court is apparently THRILLED about the idea. Richard and I were in a meeting and he kept going on and on not just about what a great idea it was, but about what an amazing gift you were giving to us/the court/these families.  I could almost hear his wheels turning - "Why would someone give that generously?  What would make a person do this for NOTHING?" I could hardly keep myself from shouting "JESUS! JESUS! JESUS!" across the conference room table at him. Ha. You guys have no idea the ministry impact this is having (already)..."
 
So cool. Jesus. That's all it's ever been about. And just like that the Lord opened up a door for us to go in and shine His light again.

After almost four months of planning and ironing out the technicalities, the day finally came. So many people worked really hard to make this day a true celebration for these families. The family day was sponsored by the courts, but many other organizations were there as well. It took place on the grounds of THE ARC property, a fairly new constructed community center in the heart of Anacostia. Anacostia (where we also happen to live) is located in the SE section of D.C. and is considered the most dangerous place to live in the city, it is stricken with poverty and crime and the majority of the courts families live in this area.

So, for all these professionals to come and set up shop in this area, the armpit of DC, and offer a celebration for the families who worked hard to be reunited with their kids, is something these people needed. They needed to be celebrated. They needed to be the center of attention to highlight the good works they've done instead of the mistakes they made. They needed for once to have people lavish them with praise instead of criticism. That's what this day was about. And praise Jesus I got to be a part of it.

It was a privilege to stand with the courts and CASA to help remind these families of their worth. And I love that God enables me to do that through photography.

This P.P. had a lot of similarities from the others I've done in the past, but also some differences. One difference was that we were working outside so I left my studio equipment at home in favor of going all na.tur.al. The space we had designated for us was down a little hill, so I just wanted to do as simple as possible. No heavy props. Just a small blanket. No strobes or massive backdrop. Just my camera. It was weird to not have to make umpteen trips to bring in all the equipment. But it worked out really great.

And, because there was no need to spend an hour setting up my work space, we were able to use some of our time before the families arrived in prayer. Me, Holly, Liza and Katie, one of the volunteers, gathered off to the side, formed a little circle, held hands, and prayed over the day. Prayers lifted up to heaven that God's light might shine bright in this dark city. That the families would feel a renewed sense of dignity. That they would leave feeling better equipped to continue maintaining unity than before they arrived. And that Jesus would use us to serve them and pour His life into each person here.

We didn't pray a super long time and really didn't think that anyone noticed as we were off to the side and down a little hill. But turns out people did. Many court volunteers noticed and at least one gal approached Liza later in the day and said, "I saw you praying and wanted to come join! But, I knew you had us all covered." The reality of that comment brought me to me knees. In a city and a system where so many of the workers are unbelievers and the programs provided are not in any way Christ centered, God was able to use our little inconspicuous prayer circle to subtly but visibly direct others attention to our motivation for why we were there, Jesus, and it was able to filter out another believer! Holla!! Praying that God fans the flame in that gal's heart to take more steps to show off His light! So encouraged by that!

Soon after that the families started trickling in one by one. But, instead of photographing them all on my own this time, Holly was by my side photographing them along with me. It has been cool seeing Holly develop her photography skills these past few months and a delight to photograph with her. I would love to see God encourage more photographers to get out there and use their skills to bless others without expecting a payoff in return. Just another thing I love about this ministry.

Not only were the families able to get portraits taken but there was food, music, face painting, a bouncy house (located directly in front of us...that was interesting trying to get the kids to sit still with a massive balloon vying for their attention. :~) )

And of course there was dancing. That boy down on the bottom wasted no time gettin' his moves on, all by himself, in the middle of the lawn. But before ya knew it the grass was crowded with people out there breaking it down and having a grand ole time! No one cared that it was hot, they were there to celebrate and celebrate they did!

The D.C. Mayor, Vincent Gray, was on hand as well as some judges and tons of other court staff to show their support for the reunified families being honored. (and of course your heavily armed police officers, but, that's to be expected round here.)

I photographed ten of the twenty two families that came out that day.....ten families...some single moms, some moms and dads, some with partners, some grandma's, some great-grandma's, big families of ten, small families of two.....each one of them knowing the pain and heartbreak involved when their family was broken and splintered apart, and each of them knowing the triumph of seeing it restored. What a beautiful thing to photograph.

The significance of what God is allowing me to do is not lost on me. Each Portrait Project I am newly humbled with the opportunity God has given me to bless these families through pictures. To serve them. To dote on them. To bless them with a little bit of extra.

Recognizing that beauty is not to be defined by the world's standards. But instead seeing beauty as it is defined by God's standards. A mother of four with a two week old newborn who came sopping wet in swim suits because she cared more about her kids being able to be kids and romp and play in the water, rather than dressing them up for their pictures in the trendy clothes we see plastered about everywhere as "the what to wear for beautiful family portraits". That's a lie. Because this is what's beautiful. They are beautiful.

And these are the people God has gifted me to photograph. The underprivileged, broken, beat up, beat down, stepped on, discarded, the people who know real need, the ones who have had to claw, scrape, and fight their way out of discouraging impossible circumstances. These are my people. These are God's people. And what God has used me to give to them seems very small compared to what I have been blessed with in return- a softened heart, a heavenly perspective, learning to really see people, a new definition of beautiful, a joy that comes from serving, humility, gratefulness, a piercing pain for the broken and wounded, the honor of getting to meet and be impacted by so many amazing people...God has definitely changed me through this ministry these past couple years. What a wonderful day. What an incredible opportunity. Praying God protects these families and that these pictures serve as an extra reminder to them of their worth and value in Christ Jesus.

"You make beautiful things.

You make beautiful things out of the dust.

You make beautiful things.

You make beautiful things out of us." 

-"Beautiful Things" by Gungor

Wellspring-a year in the making

I had the most distinct pleasure today of bringing the Portrait Project to the Salvation Army's Wellspring program. And oh how my heart has been waiting for this day.....

I first came to hear about Wellspring well over a year ago as I was driving in the car and a Salvation Army ad came on the radio. I don't remember the specifics of the radio promo but I do remember it mentioning Wellspring and how this program seeks to support, educate and rehabilitate women in the prostitution industry.

I didn't need to hear anything else. I was done. I was all in. I wanted to get involved.

But, these things don't always move quickly.

And in this case...it took over a year. Over a year of really encouraging emails and enthusiasm, but then working out the logistics just never got off the ground. Discouraged, I put this on the back burner. Until a few months ago, I felt the Lord encouraging me to try again. To seek them out again. He had been gently nudging me back in their direction for a while and I kept putting it off and putting it off. Simply because, quite frankly, I didn't want to see it go no where....again. That's discouraging. But, after the Lord's gentle nudges turned into aggravating persistence I prayed....


"okay God. I hear ya. I'm trying again. But this is as far as I can go. I can only make myself available to serve them....I can't make them take me up on it....so you've got to work out the rest. Lead me to someone who can be proactive in helping me get involved. Grant me favor in their eyes."

So that day I sat down at the computer, determined to put myself out their again, so that at least I could say...."I tried!"

And then low and behold, within a matter of minutes, I came across a new name of a gal in the Salvation Army that looked promising. This is an incredibly large scale organization and just simply getting in touch with the right contact can be extremely challenging. And while she didn't appear to work directly with Wellspring, I was hopeful she could put me in touch with someone who did. So, I sent her an email, telling her about the Portrait Project and all that jazz. And then I put it in the Lord's hands. Trusting that He would see to it that email got to the right set of eyes.

And five days later, she got back to me...with another name to contact. So, I contacted her....and then sixteen days later I heard back from her...with another name to contact. And then six days after that, the first gal I contacted sent me the direct line for the program director of Wellspring. BINGO!

It took A LOT of doors...but the Lord kept opening them up until I made it through the one that would bring me to where I went today. Only the Lord I tell ya. After over a year of closed doors, wrong people, information falling through the cracks and going no where, He brought me to just the right people, at just the right time, to finally make this happen. Oh, sweet Jesus. He is so good.

Things kept moving fast from there. After two weeks and a couple of phone calls later, we had it all set up for me to come this afternoon. I recommended waiting until the end of October but she said the gals were so excited they didn't want to wait. So, with a weeks notice....I frantically put it together. Enlisted some help, as always. :~)

Beccy, Brandi, and Susan came out to serve with me and there are no words for my thankfulness for them. I was worried I wouldn't be able to find any one who could come on such short notice, but again, the Lord provided. I've never done a mid week Portrait Project before, and I knew that getting help would be more difficult, but Mary (the program director) told me that Tuesday's were the best day for them because the women were already slated to be at the center in the afternoon, and this way more women would be able to participate because they wouldn't have to rearrange schedules to come on the weekend. And...I've been waiting for this chance...I wasn't going to make them bend to me, and my schedule and the way I always do things. I was going to bend. I was going to accommodate them. No matter how much more challenging it was to work out....I was going to come at a time that was convenient for them. And trust God to work out what needed to be worked out.

And He did. Because He's cool like that. :~)

And He's faithful. And ultimately....this thing isn't mine anyways. It's the Lords. It was His idea. It's for His glory. It's for His purpose. And He's going to work out the details to make sure nothing stands in the way of the lives He's waiting to be loved on.

So, onto today.

I photographed nine gals and five kids. And the first time there hasn't been any men! Which of course meant that things didn't exactly run on schedule! It's funny because men want to get in and out. Five minutes. Bust out some poses. Be done. But with all chics...even the ones who are self conscious (which is usually all of them) they were perfectly content sitting and posing for as long as I asked them to!

It was a glorious time filled with lots of laughing.

I made a new playlist, which is key to a good Portrait Project. :~) We danced to Michael Jackson and the Beatles and lots of other fun tunes to get the ladies relaxed and having fun. And it was fun. Mary had some snacks brought in for everyone to munch on while we waited. The back of the room was set up with all the hair and make-up. I brought oodles of product that a Mary Kay consultant generously donated to me for Portrait Project a while back and let the ladies leave with some extra goodies. That in itself...just seeing their response in realizing they can take free product home. Made my heart sigh big sighs. And smile. Small things go a long way.....

I was talking to Mary (program director) in between sessions and as we stood off to the side she said to me,


" ya know, these women are so excited to be here. They couldn't wait for today. None of them have ever had their photos taken like this (mug shots don't count). None of them have family pictures. A lot of these women have lost kids and they don't have any physical memories to look back on to remember their children. No family portraits on the walls. This means a lot to them."

Again....small things go a long way. I don't think I can be reminded of that enough. How easily do we take that for granted. Take for granted the fact that not only do we have walls decorated with family pictures, but we have heaps of albums stuffed with pictures, computers storing hundreds of photos just from our last weekend together. Most of us don't exactly have a picture shortage of ourselves or our families.

But, can you imagine not having a single picture, not.one.physical.memory to look back on to remember your family??

I can't.

Back in Florida when the Lord first gave me this idea that was exactly what He showed me. Doing Portrait Project as a way to give people living in homelessness and poverty physical, tangible memories. Something that they could at the very least carry with them in their pocket, to look at, and smile on. To hold.

And yesterday, I was able to hear and see first hand that reality for these women. To hear from Mary their deep burning desire for something as simple as a picture. To see their faces light up with joy when I told them I would give them a whole packet of pictures...for free!

After the sessions were over, as we packed everything up Mary said, "I saw these women filled with joy today! I work with these women, I see them in the building, and they don't have joy. They don't smile. They don't really want to be here. They don't interact with each other. But today, I saw them smiling. I saw them laughing. I saw them having fun. I saw them start out stiff and rigid and quiet, and then loosen up and relax. I saw them interacting with each other and encouraging each other while they waited their turn. They had joy!"

Wanted to cry when she told me that. Again, because getting to be a part of God's plan never fails to leave me awed. To see Him not only use Portrait Project as an opportunity to provide physical memories, joy, self worth, value, Jesus....but to see Him use this as an opportunity to bridge connectedness between the women! To see them interacting and encouraging each other! To see God break down walls and barriers and social awkwardness to connect and pour into each others lives!
Wow! That is God right there! How cool. Such a "whoa" moment for me. I don't even have words beyond that. Just tears.

I asked a lot more questions, wanting to gain a deeper understanding of these women and their circumstances and background. The bitterness of reality for these people I serve never fails to break my heart....

"Human trafficking is not very prevalent in Nebraska so these women actually come to be involved with prostitution for a different reason. There's two reasons in particular. One...they have been subjected to sexual abuse since childhood and they figure they've been forced to do it for free for family their whole lives, might as well do it as an adult and get paid for it. And second...most of the women have chemical addictions and prostitution in the quickest easiest way to get money to support their habit. And most of the women who have chemical addictions started using in childhood...childhood. Example, one gal who came through the program was first exposed to drugs when her parents made her do meth when she was just 11 yrs. old. Another gal's mom drank herself unconscious every night and the child would finish off the alcohol that was left out. We used to do street outreach but found it to be unproductive. We'd go into the streets but the women would be so high they wouldn't even remember talking to us. So now we go straight to the jails. And the women that we serve are mainly older women in their late 30's, 40's and 50's. Why? Because they've been living on the streets engaged in prostitution some for over 25 years and they want something else. The younger gals, who haven't been rotted away from the lifestyle yet are harder to rescue. Most times it's easier to get them to walk away from prostitution than it is to walk away from drugs." (-conversation today with Mary, program director)

Hearing that made me heart break open and spill out everywhere. An incredibly hard life to leave behind. So much pain and brokenness. So much need....

"Two women, who have been working the streets of Omaha as prostitutes for more than 10 years, said they found a way out through a program sponsored by the Salvation Army. The women said they realized their lives were going nowhere and were just getting worse. They said they got help from the Wellspring program. With October being Domestic Violence Awareness Month, they wanted to get their stories out.

 Delores (not her real name) is about 45 years old. The high school graduate and one-time college student worked the streets for more than a decade. "While enrolled in college, I just got mixed up with the wrong people and from there it went downhill," she said. Delores said she turned to drugs and then to prostitution. She said she couldn't stop. "It was a very dangerous life I was living," she said.

 Cece (also a pseudonym) has a similar story. "It was like an adventure. It was fun. I was like getting this money. It was fast and I really didn't have to do nothing to get it," she said. Cece was a prostitute for nearly 20 years. She said what started out as being fun, eventually proved otherwise."Throughout those 20 years, I've been stabbed, I've been raped, I've been shot at," she said. "By the grace of God, I'm sitting here telling my story today."

If it weren't for the Salvation Army's Wellspring program, both women said there is no telling where they'd be. "Prostitution isn't a choice," said Mary Raynovich, the director of Wellspring. "We find that it's really about a lack of choices." Raynovich said she works with as many as 100 women every month. About 73 percent of them have been sexually abused and roughly 90 percent of them are chemically addicted, she said. But, no matter how troubled some of the women are, Raynovich said they are not a lost cause. "No matter how long you've been on the street, there's hope. You can get off the street," said Raynovich."-from "Stories" in Salvation Army's Western Division

And it is here God led me. To serve these women, along side this amazing program that is literally helping to rebuild lives. To restore, mend, heal, share, and love. And ultimately, to point them to the One who can bring true redemption. God's grace is strong enough to make clean anything, anyone, no exceptions. It doesn't matter what you've done, how long you've done it, what the world has told you....Jesus heals. His grace is free for the taking. And strong enough to restore the most broken of lives.

What a joy to have been given the opportunity to serve them. What an honor...to know that He has entrusted me, me, regular ole' me, to help pour love into these people. That He whispered me this idea. Never...I never woulda guessed ten years ago in college when I was pouring over prints in the darkroom until the wee hours of the night with other students, eager to learn, dreaming of our futures in photography, all the things we wanted to do....

...never once could I have imagined God would use me like this. All the different lives and pains and realities He's exposed me to....through photography, blessing the broken. What a ride it's been. One thing is for certain...following the Lord is never dull. :~) He is not a boring God! And my heart is overflowing with gratefulness.

It was a great day sharing God's love.

The Crisis Center

This is Beccy.


Me and Beccy met in a random way last year through a friend, and soon after that she joined our bible study group.

It was truly the hand of God that brought us all together.

I love those moments....ya know, the moments that you don't know are moments at the time, and then you look back and just stand in awe of how God arranged it all.

That's what this was.

Well, back in April Beccy asked me to accompany her to a United Way volunteer luncheon downtown. Beccy was being honored for her work as a volunteer at the Crisis Center. Out of all the volunteers in the Omaha area Beccy received the second highest honor. A.mazing.
(Did you know? Nebraska ranks #2 in the country for volunteers! Because we totally do!)

Sitting in the hotel, listening to the stories of the other volunteers being honored for their work was truly humbling, to say the least. Stories of teenagers spending their spare time every week in nursing homes praying with the elderly, a 'cowboy' single handily raising thousands of dollars, getting sponsors, and trucks worth of toys to donate to our local Native American reservations. Big HUGE stories of people, young and old, doing BIG things. As we sat, listening, and applauding each volunteer....Beccy quietly whispers to me, "what.I.am.doing.here?" ( Feeling small in comparison to what others around her had done.) I turn around and the look on her face was complete.humility. Humbleness to the core. And it was in that comment that my heart said, "that's why. that right there."

And it's that that God is seeking. A humble heart. With pure, selfless motives.

Only one other gentleman received a higher honor than Beccy that day. A middle school teacher, for his 'ordinary' 'non-huge' 'everyday' work in the lives of his students.

Ya see, every week, Beccy goes downtown, and spends time with kids at the Crisis Center.
(The Crisis Center is a temporary emergency shelter for kids who can't go home -either due to abuse, neglect, trouble making, crisis, ect. and have yet to be assigned by a judge to a foster house or group living home (like Boys Town)). These kids are in need. They are literally stuck. Stuck in the system. Stuck living in the confines of a locked down building, no place to call home except the room where they sleep. No parents to love on them, encourage them, and tell them how cherished they are.

So Beccy brings projects to do, makes snacks to eat, arranges outings, talks to them about nothin' at all, or talks to them about meaty stuff when they let her. She just goes. With an open heart. To be used by God in their lives. Whether in a big way or a small way. She shows up to show them they are not forgotten, and they are cherished.

Before the volunteer luncheon two months ago Beccy approached me and asked if I could do some senior portraits for one of the kids who has been there for over a year, graduated, and about to age out of the system. After we started planning the specifics of it all, there turned out to be two other kids who were also seniors and wanted portraits done as well.

So, rather than just show up, take pictures, and go home, I thought it would be a fun idea to throw a little 'Graduation Party' at the center for the seniors. After a lot of planning and prep, (we had to get special permission to even be there and photograph the kids since most of them are wards of the state.) We brought a load of snacks and drinks for all the kids in the unit to munch on, complete with gift cards to Target for all the seniors. We didn't want to just show up and take pictures, we wanted to show up and celebrate those kids.

And then.... we arrive..... to find that none of the seniors are even there! (they are out on day pass, and the one senior who is there decided she did not want to be photographed)

ughhh, what now?!

Some critical information fell through the cracks at the last minute. So we sit there. And wait. Not sure whether to leave and reschedule or stick around and hope for a little miracle.

Glad thing we stuck around, because God pulled through a little miracle.

As we sat in the common room, waiting and watching, a young man sitting at the counter asks what we were all doing there. We tell him we're there to do senior pictures. Turns out he is going to be a senior this coming school year (and this is typically when senior have their portraits taken, the spring and summer of). I tell him, and a staff member we'd be happy to photograph him (though we didn't have permission) so he hops in the shower, and starts to get ready.

For a moment....I quickly asked myself, "do I set everything up to only photograph one kid?"
I heard a quick response say, "yes. set it all up just for him, you never know what will happen."

So, I set up. And in the middle of photographing the young man, Beccy comes in and says that one of the seniors was back early and getting ready, and the other gal who was already there but changed her mind, changed it again and decided to have her picture taken after all. There were also two other younger gals who requested to be photographed as well. And then the senior who originally requested photos at the very beginning came back too.

So glad we stayed. :)

I'm not sure how to adequately describe my time there.
It was hard,
and eye opening.

I feel that with each Portrait Project I do, God is steering me towards a world I'm unfamiliar with.
Showing me a different,
hard,
bitter,
very real reality.
A reality that is desperate for Him.
Desperate for Love and Mercy and Grace.

The moments that stick out to me the most from this day.....

as I photographed one of the gals (she started out wearing a big baggy sweat shirt, pony tail, jagged bangs covering her face) she "uncharacteristically" mentioned that she liked the country song that was playing on my ipod. After admitting she liked it, she quickly cautioned me not to tell anyone, because she didn't want the other kids there to know she liked country music. A few songs later a Toby Mac song played, and she again mentioned that she liked Toby Mac. And again cautioned me not to tell anyone. As I watched, and listened, I couldn't help but be grieved that in her world, she doesn't even feel safe and free to be her. Safe from ridicule and scorn. Free from contempt and mockery. Her hard core identity is not her identity. It's her mask.
But gradually, as we talked and laughed, she eventually took out her pony tail,
took off her baggy sweater to reveal a cute t-shirt,
swept the bangs away from her face,

...stripping away the mask....

and stood before me confident and free.

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there.is.freedom." 2Cor 3:17

After I finished photographing the gal above another girl came in. Baggy jeans and tucked in button up shirt. Wearing the slightest hint of make-up.

Liz and Beccy strolled in behind her with a little grin curling up on both their faces.

This girl has never been known to wear make-up, because that would go against the image she's painstakingly labored to portray. An image that requires her to wear baggy masculine clothes she frequently borrows from the boys in the unit. As she was getting dressed down the hall Beccy asked if she wanted any make-up for her pictures. An uproar of mockery and disapproval quickly started bouncing off the walls from the other kids and staff members. Obviously, the girl declined given the response of such a request.

Well, not five minutes later, Liz gently and casually asked her again if she would like a little bit of make-up on. And this time....
she said yes.
Yes.

When God sets out on a mission to show His love and He uses us to do it, there is nothing that can stand in the way. Not fear of scorn. Or ridicule. Or mockery. Liz gently asked her again knowing she had already said no, and got a totally different response. And the girl that I later photographed was not the same one who got ready down the hall.

She was unashamed.
And she was free.

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there.is.freedom." 2Cor. 3:17

We showed up to do three senior shoots, then thought we were gonna get to do zero, and ended up doing six sessions after all was said and done. We brought junk food and gift cards. Took pictures. Did make-up. Talked danced and laughed. But everything that we did and brought to those kids ranks low in comparison to what God did that day....
He broke through walls,
restored confidence,
offered hope ,
and helped reestablish their identities in Him.




But God didn't stop here....from this project, and Beccy's involvement with the Crisis Center and constant talk of need for male volunteers...God sparked an interest in Isaak, he then boldly rounded up four guys from his work, and they all went through the training together to become mentors and volunteers at the Center. Five more guys than they had last month. Five more men God is going to use to show these kids they are not forgotten. And they are cherished.

Our God is simply.amazing.



the team (Liz, Brooke (another simply amazing friend who came along and photographed the kids outside, Beccy, and myself.)

Portrait Project at the new Lydia House

Last Saturday I did my first Portrait Project in the newly finished Lydia House, and it was amazing. The facility was spectacular, down to every last thought out detail. It was a little bit different than working in the old Open Door Mission building, this time we actually had to carry everything in ourselves! Don't get me wrong, I do not mind carrying my own equipment, that's not it! I just remember pulling up to the mission and watching the men rush out to the cars, eagerly awaiting to help unload and be of any service that they could. They never waited to be asked if they would help...they just helped, and they did it joyfully. It was very cool.

So this time, like I said...it was a little bit different. New building, new director, (I'm no longer working with Ronda since another gal took over the graduation program,) a new face in the hair department. The lovely Maggie, a professional hair dresser came with us this time and lent her hand to style up the graduates. Holly is no longer here so I was a gal down in the make-up department. But, turns out Liz just so happens to know a MaryKay consultant from Mops who donated a massive box of products for us to use. She was actually getting ready to drop off the box to the Lydia House when Liz called her, and was more than happy to donate to our cause. So in addition to providing make-up again we were able to put together little goody bags of product for the women to take home. I love seeing God provide!

But, despite all that newness....something else was different this time.
Something bigger.
Something I didn't anticipate happening.
Among the chaos and excitement of the day, working in a new location, working with new people....I did not photograph all new faces.
There were a couple among us that weren't new...and I almost missed it.

Every night before a portrait project I pray that the Lord would provide opportunities for me to connect with the men and women, to use me to uplift them, bless them, love on them, and share His love. I pray that I wouldn't get caught up in the chaos of the day, but that the Lord would give me His eyes, to see these men and women the way He sees them. So.....

The day started off hectic, as it typically does-trying to hurry and set up my equipment before everyone starts arriving. This time around I bought a new paper roll rather than use a muslin backdrop. I didn't want the hassle and time restraint of having to steam all the wrinkles out during setup, which takes forever, plus I just wanted to change up the look a little, so I went with a paper roll. But nothing is without complications and the backdrop, while seemingly more convenient without the ironing, the darn thing kept unraveling before I could clamp it. So, set up took a little bit longer than I anticipated and the graduates started filing in...early. Which meant I was already behind, and the day hadn't even started....

A number of the graduates had already come prepared and didn't take major use of the hair and make-up department this time around, so the lounge where I was set up was getting crowded with people waiting their turn. However, everyone was very gracious and laid back, not upset about starting late and waiting past their time. So I was able to crank out the first four graduates quickly and get back on schedule.

But, I was now in a zone. I allowed myself to get sucked into the chaos, and I was losing focus.

That's when the fifth graduate of the day stepped up. He was an African American man, tall, glasses, and wearing an outfit that complimented the background nicely. That's what I saw.

I started photographing him and was about ten frames into his session when I heard,

"Look at him."

At that moment I was looking at him through the viewfinder on my camera getting ready to take the next shot...I paused...."What?" I am looking at him" I thought back.

"No, look at him...not through him."

*exhale*......"Oh"

In the second that followed with the camera still up to my eyes, I finally looked at him. Stunned by what I saw I brought the camera down, looked at him face to face and said,

"hey, I know you."

"I've photographed you before."

When I finally looked at him I realized I recognized him from the very first session I held at the Open Door Mission a year ago. He was back. And I almost missed him.

He could see the perplexed look on my face, wondering why he was here again, and told me that he went back to jail and had to start all over.

*Gulp*

I was not expecting that. I've always gone into this thinking that this was it for them. This was their 'turning of the page', their new start, a chance at a new life leaving behind what brought them here. I don't know where this notion came from but in my ignorance I never once thought that I'd be photographing them again.

Charles wasn't the only "returning" graduate I photographed that day. I didn't realize until I got home and started sorting through the pictures that there was something familiar about another. She looked completely different. She had two kids with her this time. I never would have recognized her if it hadn't been for these little tattoos she has on her fingers. As I looked at her pictures and noticed those tattoos I thought,

"I've seen those before."

I looked back through the pictures from previous sessions and there they were, the same tattoos on the fingers of a girl I also photographed that first time with Charles a year ago. I was stunned. I couldn't believe it was the same girl. A year ago she was lively, energetic, warm, and more than anything else, confident...and proud. This time...she was reserved, quiet, and a lot more self conscious. Not having recognized her at the time I didn't have the opportunity to talk to her and find out why she was back. All I know is that she was back. Repeating the recovery program. And that made my heart hurt.

The rest of the day was amazing. God pulled the shades up off my eyes that I didn't know I had down. He provided opportunities to uplift, connect, bless...we laughed, and talked and joked. And He provided some serious insight into their lives that I was missing before. Realizing that, for some, it is not so easy to cut ties with their past. It still haunts them. It still taunts them. For some, their past doesn't care about the program they went through. Their past wants to destroy their recovery. It doesn't care that they've been clean and sober. The past fights with them to resurface. Their past wants to drag them back under.

For some, this isn't always a new beginning.

For many, this is a lifelong battle.

Their stories that led them here are heartbreaking. But the stories that are helping lead them OUT are hopeful. God fused. Determined. Many may waver...but at least they come back. They keep trying. They refuse to let their past circumstances win. They fight. And with God's help they.can.do it. We all can.

Meet two of the graduates I photographed....

This is Donald-I met him last September at the mission and I told him when he came back as a graduate not to shave his beard, I think it suits him nicely. He told me he didn't have anything else to wear to his session...and I told him that what he had on was great. Because it's him. And I thought it suited him nicely. We got to talk to him for a long time. He has been sober for one year...his longest time since the 1980's. In spite of everything he's endured, this man was so joyful, I mean, oozing joy, and I count it as a blessing to have been able to spend time in his company.

This is Clarence. Can you guess how old he is? Just take a gander before you scroll down and see.

Clarence is 54 years old. I know, I was stunned, I couldn't believe it either! Anyways, Clarence was awesome. I don't have tons to tell about him, I didn't get his life story or even what brought him to the ODM. We just shot the breeze. We mainly just talked about family, his family. He has a daughter named Paris who is studying to be a surgeon right now and that man is one proud papa, I pray she's proud of him too.

you can visit my photo blog at www.mjsphotoshoppe.com to see more pictures from this event.

A big THANK YOU to Kara, Liz, Amy and Maggie for volunteering your time and talents and working along side me!

Portrait Project -ODM 10/09 Graduates

This past Saturday me and my team of girls headed back to the Open Door Mission for another round of the Portrait Project.

"Wow"...I've been saying that a lot to myself this week.

As always, God showed up in cool unexpected ways. But, He does that quite frequently so you'd think I'd be used to it by now....
...but, I'm not.
Every time I surrender myself to His greater plan I'm left floored and speechless at the results which can only be described as divine intervention...
or what I like to call, "a total God-thing."
You can't sum it up as anything else.
It's all God. Every time. No exceptions.

This time around I photographed...
one man.
two single women.
a single mom and her son.
a single woman with her two teenagers.
a married mom with her daughter, and one on the way.
a mom and dad with their 5 kids, and one on the way.

The day was filled with incredibleness. And every moment is noteworthy....
I loved seeing Carla, a single mom we met in April, back again, but this time as a graduate and ready for her moment in the spotlight.
I loved seeing two sisters that I previously photographed this summer at Royal Family Kids Camp reunited with their family. When we met them in June they were living in foster care. Now, they are a testimony of God's ability to restore brokenness, as both parents are graduating from the program and have regained all parental rights. Amen. Amen. Amen.
I loved touching the softest skin I've ever felt on an African refugee and seeing her laugh and smile and goof around even though she felt awkward.
I loved telling the single man how handsome and distinguished he looks after he tried to tell me he was un-photogenic. (he had the whole mission swooning)
I loved giving another single woman her "princess moment" as she described it.
I loved that the five girls that came along, Holly, Amy, Kara, Liz, and Nicole,.. I was the one with the most down time.
I loved that God used them to pamper women, teenagers, and little girls who didn't know what it was like to have their hair and make-up done.

I loved that God used their hands to be His hands.

I love that God used their words to speak His words.

I love that God used their love to show His love.


Every face we met told a story. Every face left a mark. And every face is uniquely beautiful.

I just wish they knew how uniquely beautiful they are.

Sadly, most, if not all of them don't. They have no idea. It doesn't even cross their mind that they possess beauty. Quite the opposite actually. Most of the men, women, and children living in a homeless shelter, struggling with poverty and addiction hold themselves in the lowest regard imaginable.
And as much as I thought I "got" this aspect of their lives, God brought it face to face with me on Saturday. Here is my most standout moment from the day....
...I was suppose to photograph a third single woman that day, but on Friday evening she decided she just couldn't muster up the confidence to go through with the shoot. So I asked Ronda (the assistant director of Lydia House) if she would try talking to her one more time, and if the answer was still "no" if she would come down to the chapel just to talk with me for a minute.
I honestly wasn't expecting her to come talk to me at all.
It was one of those things you say and don't really expect the person to take you up on.
Well, I was wrong.
I had about ten minutes of down time while the next girl was finishing up her pampering so I went into the cafeteria and she was in there waiting to talk to me. We stepped back in the chapel just the two of us...and we started to talk...
She told me how her family doesn't know she's graduating from a rehab program.
She told me how she doesn't want to look back on these pictures and be reminded of this dark time in her life.
She told me she doesn't want me to waste my time on her.
She told me she didn't want to be photographed looking the way she does.

Then I told her some things....
I told her she is worthy of our time.
I told her these pictures are to remind her of her promising future.
I told her that she is beautiful.
I told her more importantly God thinks she's beautiful.
I told her when she's ready to stand in front of a camera, to let Ronda know, and I will come back to take her picture.

I needed this moment.
I loved talking with her even more than I would have loved photographing her.
And so now I pray. I'm praying that day will come. I'm praying that one day she will see her unique God given beauty and have the confidence to be photographed in celebration of her.

"Lord, may every face you placed in our lives that day come to know your perfect unfailing love for them. May they no longer see their past reflected in the image they see in the mirror. May they stand in confidence of the person you created them to be. You are the creator of beauty and I pray that through your unrelenting love that they would be able to see themselves through your eyes, and in turn be able to share the good news of your love with others who need it."

"How you made me is amazing and wonderful"- Psalm 139:14

(for more photographs of the graduates you can visit my website at www.mjsphotoshoppe.com)

Portrait Project #2-Royal Family Kids Camp

We set out on an adventure on Wednesday....four women, no kids, driving two hours west of home life to bless some very deserving foster kids at their summer camp. Well, as God so often has it, Wednesday turned into so much more than we had planned, envisioned, or even hoped.
The day was filled with an abundance of laughter, unexpected challenges, heavy hearts, joyful occasions, hands ready to serve...all pressed down, shaken together, and running over to make for a day that only God could have put together...

We (Me, Liz, Holly, Kara) rolled into camp a little before 3pm. We arrived unexpectedly early, by a few hours, so we had some extra time on our hands after we got Holly's cake and my equipment set up.
The church me and Isaak were a part of in California always told the youth, "find a need and fill it", and I just love that simple saying because it says so much...and that's just what we did. We asked where they could use extra help, and we helped....
We decorated a trailer loaded with benches used to haul the kids around camp, vamped it up with balloons and streamers, and transformed it into a limo,
Kara and Holly helped primp the girls before their big dinner/dance-they pinned dresses, did hair, applied make-up, and got in some God-appointed personal time with very special girls.
We all had the opportunity to sit in the dinner hall and eat with all the children, we cut and served them their cake, sang "Happy Birthday" and praised God for each one of their lives.
All extras-none of which was on our "to do" list when we set out at noon, but ended up making our time there so much more.
I just love it when God throws in a little extra somethin' somethin'. :)

Photographing these children was for lack of a better word-amazing. The boys all came to me wearing an array of over sized vests, blazers, dress shirts, some donned party hats, others had little do-rags, bow-ties, neck ties, you name it, these little gents were wearing it. The scene was right out of a commercial, like they were all playing dress up in their Dad's clothes. It was very endearing.
The girls were also a sight to see. Every little princess wore a prom style dress, all in an array of colors and styles, with each ensemble as unique as the girl wearing it. I hope they felt as beautiful as they looked.
Each boy and girl manged to smile for me at least one time-no matter how cool or uncomfortable they felt-each child had their own moment and it made my heart overflow with joy.

As a parent you see these kids and wonder how anyone could hurt such a little treasure...that's what I went home thinking...that's what I woke up thinking...I looked at my girls in the morning and was floored with gratefulness to Him who blessed me with their lives. I hugged them tighter, longer, listened to them more attentively, play with them more enthusiastically, prayed over them more passionately...wanting to be the best steward of the children that God has blessed me with. I'm not perfect, and a lot of moments I let slip away, but the foster kids we met will always serve as an added reminder in my heart of just how important parenting is.


(And as the icing on the cake-on our way home Holly got a ticket, we had to wait for a train, had to drive in the pouring rain, stopped at a McDonald's with no ice cream for a late night snack, our bodies were so stiff we could hardly move- but it gave us a case of the giggles I haven't seen in a long time. We had reached the point of exhaustion where everything was hysterical and we became delirious with laughter. It was a whirlwind of a day-but it was a great day-it was a God orchestrated kind of day.)

(no pics-due to the fact that the kids are minors, and the nature of their pasts, I will not be posting pictures to protect their privacy)

The Portrait Project: three yesterdays ago...

(I don't do short and brief-this post is long and detailed...so I don't forget)

What started out as an idea, a very far fetched, never gonna happen, but fun to think about kind of idea-turned into this last Saturday...

I finally succumbed to tears Friday afternoon. I looked around my living room, knew there was nothing else to do, practice, plan for, it had all been done, covered a million times, prayed for a million times-now, it was time to pack up, and wait for tomorrow. Saturday was only one more tomorrow away, and that in itself brought me to tears.

"Let my life sow seed to You Lord"

That phrase has been heavy on my heart and the song Lifesong by Casting Crowns was my anthem going into this project....this Portrait Project is a testimony of what God can do with a willing heart...and from a (finally) willing heart God made this project more than I ever imagined it would be.

Originally the Portrait Project was only going to be offered to families living in shelters, battling homelessness, as an opportunity to shed some light in the dark areas of their life, a little 'pick me up' blessing, nothing needed, just a little bit of extra.

From that original plan, God took the reigns again, did a little tweaking, and now the project was going to be offered to men, women, and families living in shelters; battling homelessness, poverty, abuse and addiction, who are in rehabilitation programs fighting to turn their lives around.

God never lets us bite off more than we can chew.

I was suppose to photograph around five people graduating their rehab programs on Saturday but that number more than tripled and turned into 18.

Again-God never lets us bite off more than we can chew.

Saturday arrived, cars were packed, we're on our way....

As we drove up the final road to the mission on Saturday I had my eyes on the building and Kaycee asked me, "Are you nervous?"...

Looking straight ahead I replied, "I feel like I have to go pee, so yeah, I'm starting to get nervous." (I always know when my nerves start to creep in because I feel like I have to pee, but I know I don't because I went before we left...some people feel sick, I feel the pee coming on (??????))

Ronda the assistant director (love her!) met us in the parking lot to help unload and was taken aback by all the stuff we brought (two SUV's worth). I don't know what her expectations were for that day, but she told us we surpassed them. Praise you Lord.

As soon as I walked into the chapel where I wanted to shoot, I stopped, looked around for a minute, and there it hit me...."ahhhhhhhhhhh", that good ole peace, there's nothing like it in all the earth-it blanketed me like a warm fur coat had been draped over my whole body.

I had my peace. Nerves vanished.

I unzipped my 50lb bag of equipment and immediately plugged in the Ipod, put on some tunes, stood for a minute watching Becky break it down, Holly and Kaycee were zipping to and fro, and there He was again, at my ear this time,

"Look, you're not alone",

I had to smile, and say Praise you Lord.

It was time to set up.
I got out my lights and was preparing to attach the flash head unit to the light stand.
Couldn't attach it.
Wouldn't screw in.
I could feel myself start to get flustered internally...
Tried over and over, couldn't get it right, couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong this time...
"If I can't set up my equipment, I can't take their pictures!"...
Then came His assurance, "Take a deep breath, try again...You can do this, all of this"
From that moment on I was home.
I just love the homey feeling that you get when you know you're exactly where God's called you to be.
It's like an old shoe that fits just right.

A few more minutes and we were good to go. My support was all there. Kara, Kristine and Becky were in the side room prepping the women and kids, touching up hair and make up, chatting it up and connecting with the families; Holly and Kaycee were with me, taking names, moving props, adjusting lighting, posing, and making everyone feel comfortable.

Everyone cooperated, was patient and polite.
Everyone stood out to me.
Some were comfortable, some timid, some laughed, others wouldn't, some were playful, others serious, old, young, black, white,
Each person was unique.
Each person had a story.
And at the end of the day when we started packing up, was when the stories started coming out...
stories of thankfulness-
a mom being reunited with some of her kids for the first time in years, just for today, for this portrait session,
pain-
a mom lost all access to her kids just prior to Saturday, she showed up alone, what was suppose to be a family portrait turned into a single session,
recovery-
a man had a band aid on his forehead and boils on his face, he'd been through the wringer, but was on the road to recovery.

Five friends came out with me in support of this project; it wasn't originally their dream, but they came out and supported me in mine (thank you Lord for friends who care and sacrifice-it's not unnoticed, and unexplainable appreciated!)

A final really cool aspect that I could have never predicted was the work God was doing through my friends, and in them. They got to connect with the families, engage and cheer on the men, and at the end of the day, this project belonged just as much to them as it did to me.

Each individual I photographed worked hard to stand here today and hold their heads up high. They've worked hard to free themselves of the chains of addiction, poverty, abuse, and homelessness...each was a slave to something, and each person, with the help of the Open Door Mission, and our most faithful Lord, have cut those chains loose and can now look forward to a life of freedom.

"Lord, may these men and woman look at these pictures and may it serve as a reminded of where they came from, the past that you delivered them from, and the promising future that lies ahead."

can't wait till the next time!!!!