"That's how love is"

It's a beautiful day today. There is a chill in the air, but the temperature is above freezing. The wind is mild, and the sun is bright.

We are covered under snow. Lots, of snow. And because we are smack dab in the middle of winter, the air doesn't warm up too much to melt it away.

But then there was today.

Where the sun came out. Lit up the sky, and it's gentle rays of light shown down upon the cold damp earth and started to flood it with warmth. And brightness. And a little at a time, the cold edge of winter started slipping away....

The earth lay covered under a layer of cold and confining ice and snow. Heavy clouds cluster together and try to block the suns rays. It's effect runs deep. Winter's coldness penetrates the ground and suffocates the life that lay beneath it. There is no growth. There is no warmth. Only darkness and colds bone chilling pains.

Everything is shroud in hard jagged ice. The ground, trees, plants, and every blade of grass...covered in solid water. Creations outer shell is now thick, rigid, listless.

But, in the midst of the clouds and cold that seek to smother all that is alive...Light finds a weak spot in the clouds. A small opening. And a ray shines through. And the power that lies in that single ray of sunlight begins to slowly saturate what lays frozen and paralyzed. Light...the one thing capable of melting away the hardness to reveal again the soft beauty that lay buried underneath. Now, under the layers of stifling cold and damp and dark, new life begins to peak through. And a little bit at a time, the icy exteriors begin to melt away in it's Presence.

The presence of Light can be very subtle. And it's effects often slow. The icy ground doesn't melt away all at once. Winter's grip doesn't fade immediately. But, a little bit at a time, all that lays frozen begins to thaw. And then drip. And that drip turns into a puddle. And that puddle starts to move and saturate the ground.

And before you know it, the icy chains are gone. All that water that was once confined to those bitter icy walls, can move freely. The blades of grass that stood motionless under the weight of snow and darkness can sway again in the wind. They can begin their journey of growth. Climbing back towards the sky.

There is life again. Freedom. Movement. Softness. A rebirth. An awakening. A newness.

All because of the subtle life changing beams of Light. That shines down. Touches all that was once cold and dead and stiff and makes it alive again.

It might appear to be cold and hard and lifeless on the surface. But inside, where the Light shines down and touches and brings healing with it's warmth...

there is a melting taking place.

Sydaleigh- "Look Mom, I'm laying in the light. I love the light."

"Me too baby. Me too......"

"Why does God content himself with the slow, unencouraging way of making righteousness grow rather than avenging it? That's how love it. Love has its own power, the only power ultimately capable of conquering the human heart."

A day without a nap is like a cupcake without frosting.

"The days are cold, the nights are long,"

"The North wind sings a doleful song;"

 "Then hush again upon my breast;"

"All merry things are now at rest,

 

Save thee, my pretty love!"

~Dorothy Wordsworth, "The Cottager to Her Infant"

 (she has taken more naps this week than in the past six months. I think this little one may be growing.) :~)

The mu-mu blanket

You know when you're opening up a Christmas gift and the gift giver starts by saying...

"please don't be mad."

that there's not much hope for it being something you asked for and always wanted.

Because a, "please don't be mad" implies that the gift is in fact something you will be displeased about receiving.

Case in point....

Yup, that is exactly what it looks like.

I opened up the gift preceded with the statement, "please don't be mad" to discover this oh so lovely...Snuggie.

Yes, a Snuggie. America's favorite blanket with sleeves.

I am trying. I really am trying. And I have worn it. Yes, I have. I have worn it. Not a lot, but I'm being open to the idea of wearing it more. Personally I think it's kind of weird that you have to wear a blanket, but hey, I'm trying not to think about that.

(thanks honey. It's great. ) :~)

See a need and fill it

I received an email from Isaak two days ago.

An email about a family stationed here who just lost everything in a house fire.

So, after I read his email, I sent out word to my ladies...and the collecting began.

In less than 48 hours we had dozens and dozens of clothes, toys, suitcases filled up, diapers, wipes, books, movies, household goods, gift card, money...you name it. The girls dug in and gave up all to meet the needs of another.

To be Christ to someone in need.

I hesitated to even write about this...because we have been actively doing outreach together for the past 3 years. We've done our fair share of drives. We've collected and donated our fair share of items. We have served together in about every which way. But I don't know...this time there was no advanced planning.

There was an email.

A call to arms.

And an immediate response.

That is why I write. Because I love these gals so much and no matter who God places in our lives to serve...they do. It's like second nature. They don't even bat an eyelash anymore when I come to them with a request to help. They are all in. And in this attempt to reach out and bless someone else, I feel like God blessed me again in this process....because I get to call these ladies friends. And seeing the Lord use them to respond to His subtle calls in life.... well that is an unspeakable joy. And it is an immense privilege to do life with them. 

Okay, I get the point-geesh!

I opened up a new study I am doing in Joshua last night and as I read through Day One I came to this...

"The people (Israelites) had to wait a long time to obtain God's long-awaited promises. But God's delays don't necessarily mean "no"; they could mean "not now." Write down a promise from scripture that you have been waiting for God to fulfill. 

Really? Really? 

Almost verbatim what I said yesterday in my post. Except that she said "not now" and I said "not yet". 

Weird. And cool. And when God wants to drive home a point-by golly He's gonna drive home a point!

Oooohh, God makes me smile. :~)  "I get the point. I'm waiting."

"Not yet" doesn't mean "no"

I go into my room this afternoon to make my bed because I need to get it ready for Sydaleigh to come in and do her quiet time in here for the next hour.

Sydaleigh follows me in and starts asking me if she can play with some of my special barbies I keep in my closet. As she is asking me this I go to the side of the bed to pull up the covers and see puke covering my quilt, my duvet, soaked though to the comforter, and on some laundry that I hadn't put away yet.

I let out a sigh and say, "great" under my breath to which Sydaleigh heard.

"what is it Mommy?" she asks.

"Oh, Chief threw up on the bed, I need to take everything off and clean it."

She comes around to examine the mess and then goes back to her original request, asking to play with my barbies.

I tell her "yes, but you'll have to wait till I'm done."

After two minutes, maybe less, of not getting what she asks for, she asks again, "Mommy, can I play with your barbies?"

"Sydaleigh, what did I say?"

"you said 'yes'."

"That's right, but I also said you need to wait a minute. I need to do this first."

As I uttered that last sentence, literally, as I was hearing those words come out of my mouth, I was simultaneously thinking, 

"Hmmm, isn't that just what the Lord does too."


We go to God in prayer and ask Him for something we really want or need. And, if we don't get it right away, we assume God said "no" to our requests.

I had every intention of giving Sydaleigh those barbies to play with. Every intention. But because I didn't give them to her right away she assumed I was saying "no". It's the same with God. We assume He's saying "no", and a lot of times we assume wrong.

A lot of times He's saying, "not yet. I need to clean this up over here first. I need to strip this area of your life, or this life, and then I need to clean it up real good before I can give you what you want. But I have every intention of giving it to you. Just not yet."

I needed that today. I needed this gentle reminder that my requests don't fall on deaf ears. That God delights in answering my prayers. That my time is not His time. That when God answers "not yet" that doesn't mean "no". It just simply means "not yet".

Reaching new heights

This may appear, on the surface, to be an out of control unfolded pile of laundry.
But, ehh ehh ehh...appearances can be deceiving.

I am actually trying to build a mountain of clothes that reaches to the top of my windows. For real, it's been a life long goal of mine. I figured after the first two loads started piling up, that this was as good a time as any to build my masterpiece.

I'm almost there.

Just a few more loads left unfolded, and very carefully placed on top (so that it will not fall and crush and bury alive any innocent passerby's)... and I will have reached my goal. The summit will top approximately 7 feet. That takes some serious skills if I do say so myself.

Marvelly potty training week 1

I don't want to say we're "done" because we still have to tackle the whole night time peeing thing. But, that will come. The older she gets the more control she will develop so I'm not even going to consider that part of her potty training.

But what I do consider part of her potty training-ya know, the moments when she is actually conscious...that part is going grrrrr-eat!! (Tony the Tiger over here)

She is peeing and pooping in the potty,
by.her.self
thank you very much...without prompting whatsoever! If she feels the need to go, she sits down, does her business, and tells me when she's done.  I just have to leave the potty where she can see it and she'll go.

It hasn't been perfect. She has had a couple of accidents here and there. At the end of the night on Saturday she couldn't make it to the bathroom on time and unloaded on the stairs. And then my company came and informed me of her mess. :) That was nice. And then the next night right before bath again she wasn't wearing anything and poo'd on the floor. And then told us in her very Marvelly like way that there was poop on the floor and she did it. Okay great. Whatever, she already poo'd in the potty earlier that day.

I am sooooooo happy! This potty training is a dream after Sydaleigh's whole poo holding phase. 
That was a flippin' nightmare! This time around is a breeze! Marvelly doesn't ask for treats or rewards of any kind, she doesn't need to be bribed...the girl just goes. It clicked.

No more paying for diapers for this family.

"Uh-uhh, uh-uhh, we.are.done. No.more.dia.pers.for.this.fam. Oh yeahhh, oh yeahhh, break.it.down. oh yeahhh."

(unless of course I count the pull-ups for bedtime...and the fact that when we have our next kid we will once again be buying them.)  But other than that we are diaper free!

FREE!

FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Adventures with Bekah

"One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
   but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24

I just need to write this already. I have been coming back to this post for a week now and I keep not being able to type it. I just don't have all the words. The great words. The words that would adequately describe how much seeing this face, up close, in person, meant to me. The words that can describe what it was like to drive to the airport 45 minutes away so giddy with excitement, and then wait behind the "security" check point (Lincoln airport is ridiculously small) until she came off the plane. The words that would fittingly tell how thrilled I was when I saw her, and hug her, and walk arm and arm with her through the airport and catch up, and talk, and ramble on and on about Harry and this and that as if we hadn't been apart for 6 1/2 years.

But I don't. I don't. There are no words good enough to describe what seeing her and having her stay with us meant to me. There are hardly words to describe my thankfulness to a God who brought this gem of a friend into my life all those years ago...

"I thank my God every time I remember you..." Philippians 1:3

See I met Bekah six and a half years ago (in the summer of 2004) during a mission trip in Lima, Peru. She was at the time interning with Book of Hope and traveled to Peru to meet up with our group- to coach us, teach us, work with us, and just be there as a rock of help. We spent roughly six days together serving in schools all around the city and spreading the love and hope of Jesus.

"In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:4-6 

I remember looking at this girl of eighteen and being completely in awe of where the Lord had taken her already in her short life. Fascinated with her stories of world travel. Listening to her heart. God was using her in really big ways that just blew my mind. She was one of those people that you can just look at and see the light of the Lord shining through. There was something about this girl...

But, but.but.but.but but....it wasn't until I saw her bust out some "Miss Independent", in the middle of our hotel lobby, and then look at me and expect me to do the same and then some, "I'm sorry, you want me to do what?! Oh, shimmy and shake it in front of 15,000 Peruvians in the name of Jesus with Clarkson blaring in the background. Suuure. No prob." Ha ha! But I did. Because she believed in me. And I knew then that was someone I'd want in my corner. Because she cheered me on then, and she hasn't stopped since.
*(Like I said, I knew there was something special about that girl. Anyone who likes to bust a move as much as me is my kind of friend! I still can.not listen to that song without having flashbacks. :) )*

So that's how we started.

Flash forward to today and our friendship has certainly been unconventional, only steadily keeping in touch via email over the course of all these years...but somehow, even through the lack of contact, the Lord forged together a friendship so strong that I can unequivocally say Bekah is one of the greatest friends I have.

So, needless to say, a get together was seriously overdue. Like six and a half years overdue. :)

Her trip to Nebraska  (and Iowa-hey! glad we could help her check that one off her list!) was absolutely delightful, and windy. The girls made a new friend in her. They literally made me set up her bed almost two weeks before she came because they were beyond excited. We looked at her picture everyday on our fridge, talked about her travels in S.A., how she loves Disney so much, and on and on. They loved her before they even met her.

We stayed up until the wee hours of the morning each and every night unpacking all our thoughts on life, love, joy, pain, dreams, scripture, books, movies and just about everything in between. My jaw was actually sore from all the talking and laughter after she left. :~)

We totally got the smack brought down on us by Isaak and Vern playing...wait for it...wait for it...Twilight.Scene.It. Pardon me...buah ha ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah. Yeaaaah. We lost to boys, ugh, playing Twilight. I don't know who was more embarrassed, us, or the guys. :) But seen as how Isaak is like the most competitive game player ever, he would gladly risk embarrassment for the sake of winning-just to be able to say he won. Love my husband.

("You *WIIIN*!" Haaaaaa ha ha ha ha! I love that my hubby knows Twilight trivia. I think that rocks.)

We managed to escape for some adult time to go see The Fighter (which, by the way was A.mazing! Perfect blend of drama and comedy. Though I don't think it was meant to be a comedy. :~) )

This picture of Isaak makes me laugh-I don't recall what he was saying over dinner, but it probably had something to do with how "awesome" he is. He takes his awesomeness very seriously.

Bekah brought us her favorite suckers from S.A. and made us some South African bobotie. Isaak and Marvelly enjoyed it though I have a feeling Sydaleigh is destined to be a vegetarian like her momma.

other random highlights from her trip...

watching Eclipse on New Years Eve
hearing her Dad say "douche bag" over the phone on New Years Eve
ringing in a New Year with her period.
hearing stories about her parents period.
talking about Africa
Bekah never even getting off start in Scene It.
"You WIIIN!"
playing Settlers of Catan
introducing her to favorite friends here
watching Gilmore Girls
crying and praying over each other in the middle of the airport
overhearing her invest time and love into my girls lives
learning what a "kitchen party" is...and is not.
laughing at the ridiculously bad 90's hair, and makeup, and clothes in The Fighter (not even Mark Walhburg can pull off acid washed jeans. Those need to stay away and never come back.)
rummaging through all kinds of crazy stuff at 2nd Chances (I found this gem of a pillow there. For real?! Who would lay there head on that thing-that's just gross, and a tad creepy. ) And this lovely ensemble. Is is a 70's patchwork jump suit, a clown costume...I do not know.



Bekah. One of my greatest friends from a God ordained meeting in a far away country. Still blows my mind. Sometimes I think it shouldn't by now. Sometimes I think I shouldn't be surprised anymore when God does something really cool and jaw dropping because, that's what He does...He's flippin' God and flippin' cool and does amazing jaw dropping things all the time. Why should I still be surprised when God works something incredible on my behalf? In theory I shouldn't. God has proven himself trustworthy and reliable and good and loving and given me more than I ever hoped for time and time again. But still...still...no matter how many cool things He's done in the past He finds a way to always leave me stunned. I just love that about Him.

That's like my 1, 567th reason I love the Lord so much. He will never cease to amaze me.

Because He knew I would need a friend like her-a friend to encourage me, support me, challenge and motivate me, pray over me, and pour life into me. There were so many days that I was in need of life and I would open up my inbox and read an email full of life giving prayers from her. My heart is overjoyed to have her in my life. And I'm confident that are many more adventures with her to come...

^"For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe." Ephesians 1:15-19a

I'll take it-with an 'Amen' to boot

We got a teensy bit of adoption news yesterday. And when I mean teensy, well, I mean teensy.

Isaak called our case worker yesterday to touch base with him after the holidays and see if there was any movement with our profile. When Isaak called me in the afternoon he said that our case worker told him our profile has been out three times since submission and the director said our profile was one of the best written ones she's ever read.

It's something.

Granted, it's not a lot, but I'll take it. I'll take it over nothing.

I will take the news that the director loved our letter and stand firm in the belief that our agency is truly rooting for us.

I will take the news that our profile went out three times and stand firm in the belief that those mothers with babies were not the ones God is calling to our family. And that those mothers with babies who did look at our profile are one step closer to their forever family...even if it took going through us to find them.

I will take this teensy bit of adoption news and celebrate that while we've been going on with our life-working, traveling, celebrating, parenting, living... God has been busy moving in ways we couldn't see. He hasn't stopped working on our behalf. This news may seem small, and it really is, but, God moves in small ways too. And even though it appeared nothing was happening, God is always happening. Always always.

So, I'll take it. I'll take this news and give thanks for God's small something.

No turning back

We are doing it. I bought a little pack of diapers last week as motivation to start. And with the new year we are officially moving forward...back into the world of potty training.

*gulp*

I do not look forward to this right of passage as a parent. It is frustrating. Like, very very frustrating, and tiring and emotionally exhausting. This requires more patience then I ever think I have in me. The whole time I'm sitting there smiling and willing them on and encouraging them to "try again, you can do it, just let the pee pee come out, let the poo poo come out." I'm actually thinking "oh Lord just let them do it so we can be done with this already!" Because there is just something about potty training that I despise.

Okay, let me clarify. Potty training, well, sucks. I really do despise it. But I will admit that it is pretty cool seeing my kids 'get' it. Feel accomplished. Like they achieved something. Watching them grin from ear to ear knowing we are all rooting for them and feeling the sweetness of success.

That part is great. I love that part. I love the success.

Not so much of fan of the obstinance. Or, the accidents.

So, she is doing it. Drinking.sitting.Drinking.sitting.drinking.sitting. over and over and over and over.
 

I am doing it. smiling.praying.smiling.praying.smiling.praying. over and over and over and over. Until I'm blue in the face and she is blue in the legs. :) We will do this. Whatever doesn't kill us...well, doesn't kill us. Not so sure about the stronger part! Oohh, kidding.....sort of. :)

Happy new year. No turning back :~) My babies becoming a big girl. (maybe that's why I despise this so much?! When did she even get big enough to sit on the potty?!)

(two minutes ago Sydaleigh started excitedly screaming that Marvelly just peed all by herself. While I was downstairs, she had to pee, sat down, and did her business without and help or prompting! Oh thank you Jesus! We haven't even been doing this for 24 hours!)

My new five year old

SydaLeigh celebrated her 5th birthday on Friday, our always special New Year's eve celebration.  She woke up that morning and already didn't look like her 4 year old self anymore. Over night, she was five. Looked five. Acted five. Tears started swelling up behind my glasses as she came downstairs to see her balloons and gifts waiting for her. Just something about her screamed 'older'.

She has been waiting for this day. Waiting to be a year older. Waiting to grow up. Even though she doesn't realize she's doing it every day before my very eyes.

She could hardly wait to go downstairs, she was bubbling over with joy, and as she waited with Marvelly to go down she started singing, "today.is the day. You.have.made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." from her favorite children's worship CD. Just about lost it there too.

Sydaleigh has grown so much in every way this year. I have seen a new level of selflessness with her in regards to everyone-us, Marvelly, the world around her. The Lord is really developing that characteristic within her.

And this sweet child has such a heart for the Lord. She understands Him in her own five year old way and she is thirsty to learn more, and dig more, and she's always asking questions, and searching for truth and answers. I just love that.

She is insanely creative. She loves to express herself in any way creatively possible. Singing, dancing, performing, drawing. She loves it all and is really excelling in every way in regards to her creativity. This past year she was really into drawing Ariel, complete with tale, belly button, and bra. Yes, bra. All of her girls wear a bra, which is just adorable to me.
And she has quite the eye for detail.
She likes to draw everything right down to the earrings and fingernails.
Calls her scrapes..."scrips"
still says, "Pally Pockets"
says, "Hangaburger" for hamburger

We've been working this past year on encouraging her to take more responsibility with her behavior and emotions. Talking about consequences of her actions, staying in control, and the reasons why. And this year she has made so much progress with her behavior. I've seen a lot less temper tantrums and outbursts, it still happens, but she has really been working hard and gaining maturity in this area.

But our girl is still as stubborn as ever. She is very teachable, which I love. But still stubborn. You'd think those two traits would contradict the other, and they can I suppose, but with SydaLeigh they are two distinct qualities.  She is teachable, yet stubborn. And while the stubbornness can be frustrating at times....it's still something that I love so much about her. I think it will be a strength with her. That's my prayer anyways. I don't like it when parents try to pray away all the seemingly difficult qualities that they see in their children. Because it's my belief that God can mold and sculp any of our rough edges and turn them into a strength, an asset. I love the definition for stubborn: adamant, determined, firm, fixed, hanging tough, hard-nosed, immovable. Those can be either something really great, or something unhealthy. My prayer is that the Lord would harness her stubbornness to be something really great. To be immovable in her faith. Fixed on truth. Determined to fight for justice. Hanging tough to what she knows is rightness. 

What a blessing she is to us. She is very tenderhearted. She is goofy and likes to be silly and enjoys spending time with others, but really flourishes with one on one interaction.  She still wakes up early, and shuffles into our room and quietly asks me or Isaak to spend time with her coloring, playing quietly, reading, whatever. So long as she gets me or Daddy to herself for a few minutes in the morning it makes her heart fly. She is really enjoying school and learning so much. She still writes her 'S' backwards, but she'll get it eventually. She's also starting to pick up on humor that she sees in movies, laugh hysterically when something actually funny happens, and joke around with us. She likes using big words even though she doesn't understand what they mean. And told me she, "just wants to be Sydaleigh, not Syd."

Put all this together and about a gazillion other things and you get SydaLeigh. Our new, not so little anymore, five year old daughter. 

Happy birthday baby. Love you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (until I run out of breath) much.