ohhh....more health joys

Such an interesting year for my health....

First I find out I have hyperthyroidism.
then I have Grave's Disease.
followed by tests out the wazoo, radiation, and now daily Synthroid.

I was experiencing moderate frequent chest pain over the summer.
Go see a cardiologist and discover....
I have a deformed sternum
which has caused mild mitral valve prolapse.

A deformed sternum?
Of all the doctor's I've seen over these past 29 years of life, not once has anyone told me I had a deformed sternum.
And all this time I thought it was perfectly normal to have a sunken in chest.
Guess not. Good to know.
Mitral valve prolapse? Eh. I was more in shock to hear I had a deformity.
No treatment. Not severe enough to do anything about.
Just gotta deal with the chest pain. 
Okay.

Now I'm losing my hair.
Mmm  hmmm.
At first I thought I was. And then I thought I was over reacting. But now I definitely am.
Learning to trust my gut instinct more when it comes to my health.
No clue why.
Can't get in to my doctor for another week. And then I have to wait to get a referral to see a dermatologist. And then wait for an apt. to see said dermatologist.
Geesh. Really hoping I'm not bald by then.
In the meantime hoping to get into my endocrinologist to have blood work done for the above mentioned thyroid disease which may possibly be causing this.
Hair loss huh?
Okay. Sure. Why not.

I already have thyroid disease. An auto immune disease. A deformity. A defective heart valve. And now hair loss to top it off.


Anything else while we're at it?!!!?!

Come on! I can take it! I might do it crying....but just hit me with it. Better to get it all over with now, there's still two months left in this crazy year.

Nothing would surprise me at this point....nothing......

I think I've gone and had the surprise slapped right outta me by now.

Geesh. 

Okay. Pity rant done. Had to get this off my chest. Or my head. Ha ha! A little hair loss humor. Off to do something constructive like not freak out about the fact that I may have to resort to wearing a wig or cut my hair like a boy.

a little video....

I came across this blog just now. Watching the video made my heart break open and spill out. This isn't about politics. It's about people. And justice. And the right to live.

http://allthingshendrick.blogspot.com/2011/10/lra-africa.html

"All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent."
-Thomas Jefferson

Vern and Sylvia's wedding weekend!

We spent this past weekend in Iowa...celebrating Vern and Sylvia's wedding, where Sydaleigh was honored with the privilege of being the flower girl and we got to rejoice with one of our most beloved friends.

Vern came into our lives a few years ago through our church Brookside and holds a very special place in our hearts. The girls are particularly in like with him. :~) He's practically family. Vern and Isaak hit it off right away and have been kindred spirits ever since. And we have eagerly awaited the day that the Lord would unite his life with God's best for him. And boy oh boy did he find it in Sylvia.

Sylvia came to stay with us for a weekend this summer while Isaak was gone. And it was instant love. Oh goodness I love that little gal. The girls loved her. It was such a great time getting to know her and see her heart and who God crafted her to be.

And it was sheer joy to stand with her and Vern in celebration of God's faithfulness, His utter goodness, and rejoice in His lavish love poured out over us. Getting to see those two married was a happy happy day.

But! Before the big day we stopped by the Science Center in Des Moines for a few hours on Friday before the rehearsal. This place was A-mazing! Equally kid and adult friendly. Which isn't always an easy thing to accomplish. We only stayed two hours but could have easily stayed the whole day. That's how much fun it was.


The girls got to touch a nice snake. I took pictures. Because I don't do snakes. But the girls do so kuddos to them! We played with massive bubbles....

Marvelly was petrified, yes, petrified of this ( I don't know what they're called...but ya know, those things) and screamed when we tried to get her to touch it. So, I gave her to Isaak and made him push her whole body in to show her it's not scary...ha ha! And then we couldn't get her to stop playing with it. That.is.all she wanted to do the entire time. Push her hands in, and then run to the other side to see it.

I'm so glad we don't give our kids a choice about being scared sometimes....she woulda missed out on all that fun. Marvelly proudly standing before her indentation! And the side of Isaak's face.

and more Marvelly! Bah ha! I laugh so hard whenever I look at this picture. She's such a crack up!

We watched a very informative and entertaining Sesame Street video of the stars and moon in this dome shaped theater. So so cool.

Me and Syd the kid made this very impressive paper rocket that smoked the pants off of everybody else's! Oh yes it did!

You'd stick it on a rod  in those cylindrical tubes and compressed air would shoot it out....ours sailed to the very end every time! Every.time!!

 Isaak tried, in vain, to make a superior rocket. But he did not succeed. His only flew half way.

Ours went to the end. Oh yeah. Other kids would come and see if their rocket could surpass ours. 

None did. 

We rocked that rocket launch!

Who knew I had such mad paper makin' rocket skills?

After the science center we eventually headed over to the church for the rehearsal and dinner.

Me and Marvelly amused each other making faces to the camera to pass the time.

Sydaleigh walked out right before Sylvia pulling along this wagon filled by this dear baby who served as the ring bear. We all kinda held our breath that first time hoping the wagon didn't veer off outta control and crash head first into the stage. We all agreed that would be bad. But Sydaleigh held that wagon handle tight and was ever so careful of the little cargo she towed. Such a big girl my Sydaleigh is becoming.

After dinner friends and family took turns standing up and sharing a story about the couple or offering well wishes...and Isaak was the first one out of his seat. That man bolted up as fast as I've seen him move in a while, to have the first opportunity to just share his heart and pour love and encouragment over Vern and Sylvia . (other than the comment about special people riding the short bus...it was a very appropriate heart felt speech. But, it wouldn't be Isaak if he didn't say something socially awkward. So it was all good. :~) ) Love my husband.

(Sydaleigh was THA-RILLED that Mr. Vern and Miss Sylvia thought to give her a present. Markers and drawing paper go a long long way with this girl. And the note inside made me cry happy mommy tears knowing that these two are praying over Sydaleigh's wedding day. Again, we love them so much.)

The wedding day arrived and Sydaleigh was tickled to pieces that her and Sylvia were the only ones wearing white. She felt supremely special that she could share that color with Miss Sylvia, which made Sydaleigh feel like she was wearing a wedding dress too.

Sydaleigh told me her favorite part was getting to watch them kiss. (and eat cake) :~) And I just think this wedding will hold a special place in her heart. That is my prayer anyways. I loved that she got to be a part of a wedding for a man and woman that she absolutely adores and looks up to and see God glorified in it all. Little girls need to see that. A lot. And I pray that God's foundation and hand in this would resonate with her in a big way.

Marvelly did splendid through the ceremony. But as soon as it was done. Like, the.very.second...she asks...loud enough for the whole congregation to hear...."is it cake time yet?!" Bah ha ha!! That's my girl. Always worried about her dessert.

which she happily got to eat....

It was a fantastic weekend.

We are overjoyed for Vern and Sylvia....

these two look pretty good together too. Such good friends.

 

I hear the Savior say,

"Thy strength indeed is small

Child of weakness, watch and pray

Find in Me thine all in all"

"Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. "

Life stuff

Feeling a wee bit swamped lately....

I am up to my eyeballs in processing ten portrait sessions (all of which are suppose to be done by next week....but I don't see that happenin'),
juggling three bible studies,
stinky housework,
finding time to exercise (which translates into random outbursts of jumping jacks, push ups, and crunches while I'm playing with the girls, because I've gotta get it in somewhere and 3 minute intervals are all I can scrounge up at the moment....twenty undisturbed work out minutes in a row ain't even close to happenin')
school things at school
school things at home....like teaching Sydaleigh to read. Teaching Marvelly everything.....
quality time with Isaak, which has sadly fallen to the back back back burner these past few weeks (with the exception of our two hour anniversary date night...take what you can get!)

I don't know....and just random life stuff.

I have been staring at a load of laundry done last last week still resting on top of the bench in my room. No tellin' how long it's gonna stay there....

We are heading out of town tomorrow morning for Vern and Sylvia's wedding in Iowa! Very excited to get away. And also very excited for two hours in the car to devote to catching up on bible studies. I keep contemplating bringing my computer so that I don't lose two days of work time. But Isaak won't let me. I don't think I could sneak it in the car without Isaak noticing....I've got a mega huge monitor.

Heavy heart stuff all jumbled up inside that one of these days I would like to write out. Sadly, that will probably have to wait for at least three weeks.

Oye.

I don't know. There's more...but I'm done. Need to work....and then sleep......it's almost 11pm....

Happy 11 year Anniversary!

Yesterday me and Isaak crossed the 11 year marriage threshold...and to celebrate we planned a very romantic night, just the two of us...

PLAYING LASER TAG!!

Oh yeah! It was a blast!

We actually did start out with plans to go eat dinner at Boiler Room. But in the end, we decided to do a more laid back approach. No suit, no heels, no fancy updo, or quietly talking back and forth across a neatly pressed table.

We hit up Jason's Deli for dinner instead. And.it.was.GREAT.  So easy. Good food. Super quick. Giving us plenty of time for some laser tag!

We played for an hour. AN Hour!

There was two other groups there, one with a mom and a couple kids, the other, three young kids who devote way too much time to video games. Let's just say... one of them actually admitted to us that they're so good because they recreated the blueprints to Zzzap for Halo so they can master the course.

Riiiight. Okay then......

The first two games me and Isaak were on separate teams....and lets just say, I whooped him. Oh yes I did. I whooped him good.

The third game we teamed up (albeit reluctantly on Isaak's part) to bring the smack down on that second set of kids. It was us two, verse their three. And....that time we got whooped. Bad. It was then that they bragged to us how they recreated the course online....they were super proud of that. And where are your parents??? They left at that point.

Fourth game it was ON!


Just me and Isaak left. No one but the two of us. Who would come out the winner? This laser tag course is two floors high with ramps and walls and all kinds of things to duck around and hide behind. If only I hadn't of worn flip flops....

I'm going to blame my flip flops on my down fall. Literally...down fall. I biffed it right in front of Isaak as I was trying to get away...and do you think that he stopped to help me up after I had slipped and fallen right in front of him? Do you think that on our 11th wedding anniversary he would take pity on me??

HECK.NO!

That man shot me while I was DOWN! While.I.was.down!

And then asked me, after he shot me, while he was running back to hide behind a wall...if I was okay. 

I see how it is! Oh it's on now!

Those next ten minutes were pretty intense....but I'm proud to say that when we got our scores...I hit him more. Granted, he technically "won", because he had more points....but I hit him more, OH yes I did....and in my mind, that constitutes winning. So I am the winner.

Such a fun fun night! We had a blast. Lots of laughing and running and chasing and ducking till we were sore. Got asked if we were newlyweds by the mom there with her kids, which made us giggle. Glad we still know how to have fun with each other. Happy 11 years married to us!

(and next time, I won't be wearing flip flops, and I will be even more lethal out there. Until next time....) :~)

Wellspring-a year in the making

I had the most distinct pleasure today of bringing the Portrait Project to the Salvation Army's Wellspring program. And oh how my heart has been waiting for this day.....

I first came to hear about Wellspring well over a year ago as I was driving in the car and a Salvation Army ad came on the radio. I don't remember the specifics of the radio promo but I do remember it mentioning Wellspring and how this program seeks to support, educate and rehabilitate women in the prostitution industry.

I didn't need to hear anything else. I was done. I was all in. I wanted to get involved.

But, these things don't always move quickly.

And in this case...it took over a year. Over a year of really encouraging emails and enthusiasm, but then working out the logistics just never got off the ground. Discouraged, I put this on the back burner. Until a few months ago, I felt the Lord encouraging me to try again. To seek them out again. He had been gently nudging me back in their direction for a while and I kept putting it off and putting it off. Simply because, quite frankly, I didn't want to see it go no where....again. That's discouraging. But, after the Lord's gentle nudges turned into aggravating persistence I prayed....


"okay God. I hear ya. I'm trying again. But this is as far as I can go. I can only make myself available to serve them....I can't make them take me up on it....so you've got to work out the rest. Lead me to someone who can be proactive in helping me get involved. Grant me favor in their eyes."

So that day I sat down at the computer, determined to put myself out their again, so that at least I could say...."I tried!"

And then low and behold, within a matter of minutes, I came across a new name of a gal in the Salvation Army that looked promising. This is an incredibly large scale organization and just simply getting in touch with the right contact can be extremely challenging. And while she didn't appear to work directly with Wellspring, I was hopeful she could put me in touch with someone who did. So, I sent her an email, telling her about the Portrait Project and all that jazz. And then I put it in the Lord's hands. Trusting that He would see to it that email got to the right set of eyes.

And five days later, she got back to me...with another name to contact. So, I contacted her....and then sixteen days later I heard back from her...with another name to contact. And then six days after that, the first gal I contacted sent me the direct line for the program director of Wellspring. BINGO!

It took A LOT of doors...but the Lord kept opening them up until I made it through the one that would bring me to where I went today. Only the Lord I tell ya. After over a year of closed doors, wrong people, information falling through the cracks and going no where, He brought me to just the right people, at just the right time, to finally make this happen. Oh, sweet Jesus. He is so good.

Things kept moving fast from there. After two weeks and a couple of phone calls later, we had it all set up for me to come this afternoon. I recommended waiting until the end of October but she said the gals were so excited they didn't want to wait. So, with a weeks notice....I frantically put it together. Enlisted some help, as always. :~)

Beccy, Brandi, and Susan came out to serve with me and there are no words for my thankfulness for them. I was worried I wouldn't be able to find any one who could come on such short notice, but again, the Lord provided. I've never done a mid week Portrait Project before, and I knew that getting help would be more difficult, but Mary (the program director) told me that Tuesday's were the best day for them because the women were already slated to be at the center in the afternoon, and this way more women would be able to participate because they wouldn't have to rearrange schedules to come on the weekend. And...I've been waiting for this chance...I wasn't going to make them bend to me, and my schedule and the way I always do things. I was going to bend. I was going to accommodate them. No matter how much more challenging it was to work out....I was going to come at a time that was convenient for them. And trust God to work out what needed to be worked out.

And He did. Because He's cool like that. :~)

And He's faithful. And ultimately....this thing isn't mine anyways. It's the Lords. It was His idea. It's for His glory. It's for His purpose. And He's going to work out the details to make sure nothing stands in the way of the lives He's waiting to be loved on.

So, onto today.

I photographed nine gals and five kids. And the first time there hasn't been any men! Which of course meant that things didn't exactly run on schedule! It's funny because men want to get in and out. Five minutes. Bust out some poses. Be done. But with all chics...even the ones who are self conscious (which is usually all of them) they were perfectly content sitting and posing for as long as I asked them to!

It was a glorious time filled with lots of laughing.

I made a new playlist, which is key to a good Portrait Project. :~) We danced to Michael Jackson and the Beatles and lots of other fun tunes to get the ladies relaxed and having fun. And it was fun. Mary had some snacks brought in for everyone to munch on while we waited. The back of the room was set up with all the hair and make-up. I brought oodles of product that a Mary Kay consultant generously donated to me for Portrait Project a while back and let the ladies leave with some extra goodies. That in itself...just seeing their response in realizing they can take free product home. Made my heart sigh big sighs. And smile. Small things go a long way.....

I was talking to Mary (program director) in between sessions and as we stood off to the side she said to me,


" ya know, these women are so excited to be here. They couldn't wait for today. None of them have ever had their photos taken like this (mug shots don't count). None of them have family pictures. A lot of these women have lost kids and they don't have any physical memories to look back on to remember their children. No family portraits on the walls. This means a lot to them."

Again....small things go a long way. I don't think I can be reminded of that enough. How easily do we take that for granted. Take for granted the fact that not only do we have walls decorated with family pictures, but we have heaps of albums stuffed with pictures, computers storing hundreds of photos just from our last weekend together. Most of us don't exactly have a picture shortage of ourselves or our families.

But, can you imagine not having a single picture, not.one.physical.memory to look back on to remember your family??

I can't.

Back in Florida when the Lord first gave me this idea that was exactly what He showed me. Doing Portrait Project as a way to give people living in homelessness and poverty physical, tangible memories. Something that they could at the very least carry with them in their pocket, to look at, and smile on. To hold.

And yesterday, I was able to hear and see first hand that reality for these women. To hear from Mary their deep burning desire for something as simple as a picture. To see their faces light up with joy when I told them I would give them a whole packet of pictures...for free!

After the sessions were over, as we packed everything up Mary said, "I saw these women filled with joy today! I work with these women, I see them in the building, and they don't have joy. They don't smile. They don't really want to be here. They don't interact with each other. But today, I saw them smiling. I saw them laughing. I saw them having fun. I saw them start out stiff and rigid and quiet, and then loosen up and relax. I saw them interacting with each other and encouraging each other while they waited their turn. They had joy!"

Wanted to cry when she told me that. Again, because getting to be a part of God's plan never fails to leave me awed. To see Him not only use Portrait Project as an opportunity to provide physical memories, joy, self worth, value, Jesus....but to see Him use this as an opportunity to bridge connectedness between the women! To see them interacting and encouraging each other! To see God break down walls and barriers and social awkwardness to connect and pour into each others lives!
Wow! That is God right there! How cool. Such a "whoa" moment for me. I don't even have words beyond that. Just tears.

I asked a lot more questions, wanting to gain a deeper understanding of these women and their circumstances and background. The bitterness of reality for these people I serve never fails to break my heart....

"Human trafficking is not very prevalent in Nebraska so these women actually come to be involved with prostitution for a different reason. There's two reasons in particular. One...they have been subjected to sexual abuse since childhood and they figure they've been forced to do it for free for family their whole lives, might as well do it as an adult and get paid for it. And second...most of the women have chemical addictions and prostitution in the quickest easiest way to get money to support their habit. And most of the women who have chemical addictions started using in childhood...childhood. Example, one gal who came through the program was first exposed to drugs when her parents made her do meth when she was just 11 yrs. old. Another gal's mom drank herself unconscious every night and the child would finish off the alcohol that was left out. We used to do street outreach but found it to be unproductive. We'd go into the streets but the women would be so high they wouldn't even remember talking to us. So now we go straight to the jails. And the women that we serve are mainly older women in their late 30's, 40's and 50's. Why? Because they've been living on the streets engaged in prostitution some for over 25 years and they want something else. The younger gals, who haven't been rotted away from the lifestyle yet are harder to rescue. Most times it's easier to get them to walk away from prostitution than it is to walk away from drugs." (-conversation today with Mary, program director)

Hearing that made me heart break open and spill out everywhere. An incredibly hard life to leave behind. So much pain and brokenness. So much need....

"Two women, who have been working the streets of Omaha as prostitutes for more than 10 years, said they found a way out through a program sponsored by the Salvation Army. The women said they realized their lives were going nowhere and were just getting worse. They said they got help from the Wellspring program. With October being Domestic Violence Awareness Month, they wanted to get their stories out.

 Delores (not her real name) is about 45 years old. The high school graduate and one-time college student worked the streets for more than a decade. "While enrolled in college, I just got mixed up with the wrong people and from there it went downhill," she said. Delores said she turned to drugs and then to prostitution. She said she couldn't stop. "It was a very dangerous life I was living," she said.

 Cece (also a pseudonym) has a similar story. "It was like an adventure. It was fun. I was like getting this money. It was fast and I really didn't have to do nothing to get it," she said. Cece was a prostitute for nearly 20 years. She said what started out as being fun, eventually proved otherwise."Throughout those 20 years, I've been stabbed, I've been raped, I've been shot at," she said. "By the grace of God, I'm sitting here telling my story today."

If it weren't for the Salvation Army's Wellspring program, both women said there is no telling where they'd be. "Prostitution isn't a choice," said Mary Raynovich, the director of Wellspring. "We find that it's really about a lack of choices." Raynovich said she works with as many as 100 women every month. About 73 percent of them have been sexually abused and roughly 90 percent of them are chemically addicted, she said. But, no matter how troubled some of the women are, Raynovich said they are not a lost cause. "No matter how long you've been on the street, there's hope. You can get off the street," said Raynovich."-from "Stories" in Salvation Army's Western Division

And it is here God led me. To serve these women, along side this amazing program that is literally helping to rebuild lives. To restore, mend, heal, share, and love. And ultimately, to point them to the One who can bring true redemption. God's grace is strong enough to make clean anything, anyone, no exceptions. It doesn't matter what you've done, how long you've done it, what the world has told you....Jesus heals. His grace is free for the taking. And strong enough to restore the most broken of lives.

What a joy to have been given the opportunity to serve them. What an honor...to know that He has entrusted me, me, regular ole' me, to help pour love into these people. That He whispered me this idea. Never...I never woulda guessed ten years ago in college when I was pouring over prints in the darkroom until the wee hours of the night with other students, eager to learn, dreaming of our futures in photography, all the things we wanted to do....

...never once could I have imagined God would use me like this. All the different lives and pains and realities He's exposed me to....through photography, blessing the broken. What a ride it's been. One thing is for certain...following the Lord is never dull. :~) He is not a boring God! And my heart is overflowing with gratefulness.

It was a great day sharing God's love.

Note to self: NEVER do that again.

If I ever get the urge again to take this....

and this...

and this....

and mash them all together to make a deep conditioning mask for my hair...

JUST.SAY.NO!

Don't do it. Resist the urge to go overboard! It will not turn out well. It will NOT, I repeat, WILL NOT deep condition your hair. In fact, it will leave your hair crunchy, with a whole lotta left over pieces of mushed up bananas and avocados stuck to every strand. And then you will lose more hair that you are comfortable with trying to comb out all those bits of food stuck to it. Plus, you'll have the most unpleasant bonus of going to bed with your hair smelling like a two year old vomited up bananas all over you. Not to mention that fact you looked like a total freak walking around with Saran Wrap wrapped all over your head to keep your green goopy hair from dripping all over the place.

Next time, just stick to the face mask. That is plenty.

This was not my brightest idea....

Sisters

I woke up this morning and discovered Sydaleigh had a little stow away tucked into her bed.

What a great gift God has given them....sisterhood. It's pretty special.

So long summer

Summer is officially over and we are now reveling in the pleasantness of Fall. I think this is the first time in the four years we've been here that we've had such an enjoyable Autumn. The weather is crisp in the mornings and warms up nicely in the afternoons with lots of sunshine and minimal rain so far. Ahh, I am loving it, and soaking up every minute because I know winter is soon to follow.

So, before time gets too far away from me...here is a little replay of our summer....

we had lots and lots of storms... 

(which I loved. There is hardly anything better to me than a good thunderstorm. Something inside me just comes alive with excitement and sheer joy when there's a storm a brewin'. )

which led to lots of flooding.

lots of grilling out

 lots of playing in sprinklers...

and slip n' slides

and pools

Sydaleigh did a lot better with her swimming skills this summer. Thanks to her lessons year round at the 'Y' she was really able to enjoy the "big" pool at the base pool, jumping off the edge, floating on her back, swimming back and forth in the shallow end. Marvelly took a little longer to come around. Every time I'd take her to the base pool she'd grasp onto either me or Isaak for dear life. But by the end of the summer she got very brave and actually let me let go of her in the water to float with her life vest all on her own. After she realized that she wouldn't sink to the bottom she had a grand time moving her little arms and legs trying to swim and would even let me practice putting her face in the water. (I had to resort to the good ole sneak attack method of dunking her in the water to get her used to it...which she didn't likey so much.) But not now! I was so proud of the progress both girls made in swimming this summer.

and pretty much lots of water playing in general. 

 

 (an impromptu family water fight. :~) )

 

 lots of walks along our favorite walking path.

 lots of "races" where Sydaleigh and Isaak would each try to cheat and get a head start on the other.

 Lots of random fun moments

lots of Popsicle eating outside in the evenings

lots of lazy mornings

lots of Saturday nights at our favorite weekend hangout, in Aksarben Village, listening to music, playing in the water, acting like a monkey on the playground

 lots of growing up! Sydaleigh lost a second tooth in July!

 lots of cherished family time before Isaak left for Mississippi

(poor Marvi-she was squished)

It was a blessed summer. Full of lots of memories and beautiful weather.

It was a good season.

And Fall is shaping up to be pretty good too. :~)