A reflection on the last 10 years

There's two songs that come to mind when I sit back and replay the last ten years of my life over in my mind.

"Don't know where to begin"....

These two songs are a pretty accurate account of my life since getting married way back in 2000.


"God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You"

I made a commitment on the alter this day 10 years ago with Isaak. But Isaak wasn't the only one standing next to me. He wasn't the only one holding my hand when I pledged my love forever. There was a third party. And He stood with us that day, and has every day since then.

If anything is true of my marriage and life, it's that God has saw me and Isaak through every storm. Through every high and every low. Every time. No exceptions.

Ten years ago, I was young, and naive, and I had grand romantic notions of marriage, and life, and happily ever after.
  
"Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't...control my fear.
Where do I go from here?"

And then all of a sudden...life gets real, real fast. It starts raining. Then pouring. Then flooding. And before I knew it I was getting washed away in the storm.

"sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You."

I didn't think for a second when I was 18 that I would have to re-visit my commitment, and re-visit it again, and again and again. Recommitting myself each time a storm blew in and threatened to wash it all away.

"There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I.will.follow.You"

And I did. I followed Him. I stayed and followed Him in this that He called me to. But following Him is not always easy. In fact, it's down right hard. Sometimes it took everything I had just to follow Him, and keep following Him. It seemed at times like it would be so much easier to run for the hills. To give up. And, left up to me, I would have. I would have buckled under the pressure. There were so many times that I didn't have the strength in me to persist. So, He gave me strength. There were so many times when I lost hope, but He was there to restore it. When I needed encouragement, He was there to cheer me on. He supplied everything that I needed. He always does.

"I will swim in the deep
'Cause You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach"

The current was strong. Most, if not all currents are. But it's not the fact that a current is strong that throws us off. It's that you can't see a current. It lurks down below, ravaging and wrestling and churning beneath the seemingly calm surface. And it will suck you in without notice. And in a moments time....you're fighting to survive, to live, and to breathe.

And every time the current started to unleash its wrath, and I was too exhausted to swim, He was there...
"Give me you hand" He would say.
"I can't. I'm slipping. The current is too strong." I'd tell Him.

"I am stronger than the current. You just have to reach out, and I will take hold of you. I won't let you slip away."

And He never did. Not once.

No matter how fast the storms waters would swoop up and pull me in; He never let go of my hand.  Every time it felt like I was drowning, He was there to give me air. When my feet had no solid ground left to stand on, He was my life vest, ensuring I didn't sink.

"Oh no, you never let go
through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, you never let go
In every high and every low
Lord, you never let go of me."

These past ten years have taught me a lot. I've learned so much about myself, about Isaak, about marriage, about compromise, about fear, about joy, forgiveness, loss, healing, and laughter, parenting, insecurities, and confidence, and a endless whirlwind of other things that come when God takes a life, points it towards something new and unfamiliar, and challenges you to follow Him into it.

But......

more than A.NY.THING else I have learned these last ten years, I have learned of God's complete and utter faithfulness.

He is faithful to love, to restore, to comfort, and to provide.

"God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand."

So, looking back...I say... let the waters rise. If You want them too. I can't keep the storms from blowing in, but I know what to do when they come.

For years I was scared of them. Scared of the rising tide and rushing current and crashing waves. But You never let us drown. And if you brought me to it, You can bring me through it. And no matter how quick the waters recede, we will stay by your side, clinging to You.

"You were faithful before. You'll be faithful again."

Joshua 24: 14-16 "Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."  

Period.


John 12:26 "Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me."

And we will. At all costs.

At the cost of my pride, I will follow Him.
At the cost of my comfort, I will follow Him.
At the cost of my own will, I will follow Him.

I will never stop, because I've seen His faithfulness, and He's worth putting my trust in.

So, today I celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary. I celebrate the great times that have been really great and I celebrate the hard times that have been really hard. I celebrate it all. 

Happy Anniversary Isaak. I look forward to sailing in the storms with you these next ten years and beyond.