So I guess, again....I'm not suppose to be feeling like this.
At first I thought I was normal.
Found out I wasn't.
Tried to fix my un-normal.
Now I thought I was normal.
But again found out I wasn't.
I'm getting so confused.
I wish my dang body would just cooperate!
Back to my pesky little butterfly shaped tissue with a life like a cockroach....yeah....it still ain't dead yet.
Which was actually very encouraging to know. Because if this is how "normal" people feel...I'd like a refund on my treatment please.
My endo told me today, "so, typically we see patients thyroid killed off in the first three weeks after treatment.....but yours.....seems to be taking quite a bit longer."
Uh huh.
Yeah, like six+ months longer.
This is getting ridiculous. "If I wanted you hanging around, I wouldn't have tried to kill you, okay?!" Gosh! That tissue needs to take a hint. I don't know how much more obvious we could be. Douse you in radiation. You die. End of story. Well, end of your story. Not mine.
And there I go talking to my body parts again....
So, up my dosage. Which will hopefully up my metabolism again. I think that must be my thyroid's last ditch revenge...seeing me gain weight...little jerk.
And hopefully regain some energy....so I don't keep feeling like I'm gonna literally fall asleep mid walk.
And, hopefully, my hair will stop falling out. Which thankfully wasn't a result of my medication...just whacked out levels.
And, hopefully, I won't be so sinkin' cold all the time.
But at least this isn't normal. One day, God willing, I will know what normal feels like!
Come on in...
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Sharing God's story in front of 1000+ people
I was asked a couple weeks ago if I would speak to our church this Sunday about what God has done in my life and that of our "Got Questions" small group over the past three years.
I have to admit....there have been moments where I daydreamed about doing this very thing. Standing up in front of so many, and sharing God's story in my life these past couple years.
But then, I was actually asked to do it. And, I quickly realized that the Melissa in my daydreams, and real life Melissa, are like two totally different people. Because the Melissa I dream myself to be is fearless, up for anything, always says the right thing, never awkward or embarressed.
But real life Melissa....yeah.....ummm....she's got a looong way to go to live up to that!
I.have.never.been.so.nervous.in.my.life.
I'm talking....the kind of nervous where you actually think that you will throw up. Like, you can feel your stomach churning.
I have never felt that kind of nervousness before....well, until Sunday. And I had to live through it twice! Because I had to speak at both services.
Now, I am so grateful and so humbled that I had this opportunity. I can't even fathom why out of the whole church they would ask me. But clearly God had a plan for my words and I'm just praying that there was someone's ears He was specifically wanting them to fall on. But still blows my mind...that God would use me in such a public forum.
And Brookside is a big church, so this was a big forum.
And I have never done anything close to speaking in front of so many people before....so standing up there was no easy task for me. But, I couldn't turn it down. When God gives you a platform to bring Him glory, you don't say no. So I was gonna walk those stairs, up that stage, and give Him praise, even if I had to hold a throw up pail next to me while I did it. :~) Luckily it didn't come to that.
I had three minutes each service to share. Which only added to my nervousness.
Because for a girl who grew up in a strait up Pentecostal church....three minutes.....oh Lordy....our church services would last for three hours! Pentecostal churches don't really run their church on a schedule. No. No. They would tell you the Holy Spirit led the service, so if they felt the Spirit leading them to keep on singing one song for thirty minutes....Lord knows you were gonna be singing one song for thirty long minutes. But then worship would last another hour. And it would be another thirty minutes before the pastor could get up there because everybody had to get out their prophecies and speak in tongues before you could even hope for a sermon. :~)
I miss those days. :~)
So three minutes had me hyperventilating a little bit. I can be kinda long winded.
But with the help of Rob our worship leader we came up with a pretty good summary. If only I had actually listened to him when he told me I'd be up there all alone...instead of hearing that I'd be up there alone, with him. No. No. He did in fact mean, alone. As in just me. By myself. No.bo.dy. else. Yeah, if I was nervous before about thinking I was sharing the stage with a staff member....it only worsened when I actually walked onto that massive stage and realized no one was following me! I had to quickly compose my look of sheer panic! Three minutes wasn't lookin' so bad after all!
Oh goodness.
What an experience. What.an.experience. Because I was caught off guard with my solo speaking act, I didn't think to really plan a way to close my speech, thinking there'd be someone else up their to take over that part for me. So when I get done sayin' my thing, I just kinda stand there, awkwardly, and say, "well, that's all I got." And then I throw a fist pump into the air. And then (which I forgot at the time but was brought to my attention today)....I let out a "Whoo Hoo! Praise Jesus for lives changed!" emphatically...and then quickly turned around and walked off the stage!
Bah ha! A little of my charismatic roots escaped after all!
Oh geez.
Second service went much better. Except the whole thinking I was going to throw up part. But the speaking was better.
Except, after hearing from so many people afterwards, they amazingly said I didn't look nervous, sound nervous, or act nervous at all. They said it all flowed really well, and I sounded like me.
Well....that can only be attributed to the Lord! Only. Only only only. How in the world God could manage to take my nerves, my awkwardness, my inadequacies and panic....and turn it into something presentable! I will never know. That is a darn miracle right there. A miracle! Thank goodness my God is in the miracle business. :~) Because He busted one out right there! Only God I tell ya.
Oh gosh I love Him. So so much. To use someone like me. For His glory. Just leaves me so humbled. To go back and reflect on these past three years....all the lives He touched and changed and molded...leaves me so humbled of His power and love. To be able to take this story and use it to maybe encourage someone else...leaves me so humbled of His grace and divine purpose for all things.
Love seeing how He orchestrates all these things for our benefit and His glory.
And glad to have had the opportunity to share a piece of His story. It was worth telling, that's for sure. :~)
I have to admit....there have been moments where I daydreamed about doing this very thing. Standing up in front of so many, and sharing God's story in my life these past couple years.
But then, I was actually asked to do it. And, I quickly realized that the Melissa in my daydreams, and real life Melissa, are like two totally different people. Because the Melissa I dream myself to be is fearless, up for anything, always says the right thing, never awkward or embarressed.
But real life Melissa....yeah.....ummm....she's got a looong way to go to live up to that!
I.have.never.been.so.nervous.in.my.life.
I'm talking....the kind of nervous where you actually think that you will throw up. Like, you can feel your stomach churning.
I have never felt that kind of nervousness before....well, until Sunday. And I had to live through it twice! Because I had to speak at both services.
Now, I am so grateful and so humbled that I had this opportunity. I can't even fathom why out of the whole church they would ask me. But clearly God had a plan for my words and I'm just praying that there was someone's ears He was specifically wanting them to fall on. But still blows my mind...that God would use me in such a public forum.
And Brookside is a big church, so this was a big forum.
And I have never done anything close to speaking in front of so many people before....so standing up there was no easy task for me. But, I couldn't turn it down. When God gives you a platform to bring Him glory, you don't say no. So I was gonna walk those stairs, up that stage, and give Him praise, even if I had to hold a throw up pail next to me while I did it. :~) Luckily it didn't come to that.
I had three minutes each service to share. Which only added to my nervousness.
Because for a girl who grew up in a strait up Pentecostal church....three minutes.....oh Lordy....our church services would last for three hours! Pentecostal churches don't really run their church on a schedule. No. No. They would tell you the Holy Spirit led the service, so if they felt the Spirit leading them to keep on singing one song for thirty minutes....Lord knows you were gonna be singing one song for thirty long minutes. But then worship would last another hour. And it would be another thirty minutes before the pastor could get up there because everybody had to get out their prophecies and speak in tongues before you could even hope for a sermon. :~)
I miss those days. :~)
So three minutes had me hyperventilating a little bit. I can be kinda long winded.
But with the help of Rob our worship leader we came up with a pretty good summary. If only I had actually listened to him when he told me I'd be up there all alone...instead of hearing that I'd be up there alone, with him. No. No. He did in fact mean, alone. As in just me. By myself. No.bo.dy. else. Yeah, if I was nervous before about thinking I was sharing the stage with a staff member....it only worsened when I actually walked onto that massive stage and realized no one was following me! I had to quickly compose my look of sheer panic! Three minutes wasn't lookin' so bad after all!
Oh goodness.
What an experience. What.an.experience. Because I was caught off guard with my solo speaking act, I didn't think to really plan a way to close my speech, thinking there'd be someone else up their to take over that part for me. So when I get done sayin' my thing, I just kinda stand there, awkwardly, and say, "well, that's all I got." And then I throw a fist pump into the air. And then (which I forgot at the time but was brought to my attention today)....I let out a "Whoo Hoo! Praise Jesus for lives changed!" emphatically...and then quickly turned around and walked off the stage!
Bah ha! A little of my charismatic roots escaped after all!
Oh geez.
Second service went much better. Except the whole thinking I was going to throw up part. But the speaking was better.
Except, after hearing from so many people afterwards, they amazingly said I didn't look nervous, sound nervous, or act nervous at all. They said it all flowed really well, and I sounded like me.
Well....that can only be attributed to the Lord! Only. Only only only. How in the world God could manage to take my nerves, my awkwardness, my inadequacies and panic....and turn it into something presentable! I will never know. That is a darn miracle right there. A miracle! Thank goodness my God is in the miracle business. :~) Because He busted one out right there! Only God I tell ya.
Oh gosh I love Him. So so much. To use someone like me. For His glory. Just leaves me so humbled. To go back and reflect on these past three years....all the lives He touched and changed and molded...leaves me so humbled of His power and love. To be able to take this story and use it to maybe encourage someone else...leaves me so humbled of His grace and divine purpose for all things.
Love seeing how He orchestrates all these things for our benefit and His glory.
And glad to have had the opportunity to share a piece of His story. It was worth telling, that's for sure. :~)
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Sprained chest
On our way to dinner.
Pit stop at Baker's to drop off movies.
Turned to get out of the car real fast.
Sudden onslaught of horrid knife stabbing chest pain.
Emergency room.
Could hardly talk or breathe the pain was so intense.
Turns out I sprained my chest/sternum/rib cage/cartilage (Costochondritis)
I don't know how one goes about doing that, exactly....seen as how I only turned to get out of the car.
But apparently I managed it.
I am very talented I guess. :~)
The meds they gave me managed to dull the pain so I can at least somewhat breathe, clear my throat and talk without gritting my teeth in pain.
Scared what it's gonna feel like again once the meds wear off.
It will take a week or so for the pain to subside.
Which is not that bad, but figuring we're kinda leaving for vacation in a week, this is about as crappy timing as I could get.
Life needs to keep moving on, and things have to get done...now they will just have to get done with horrid chest pain accompanying it.
Bummer.
I feel so old.
And I'm not even 30 yet.
Not for six more days.
Oh, my poor body. It's been through the ringer this year.
Eyeyeye.
This is gonna be a rough week.......
needing an extra extra extra dose of God's grace....and some of His healing sprinkled in would be good too. :~)
Pit stop at Baker's to drop off movies.
Turned to get out of the car real fast.
Sudden onslaught of horrid knife stabbing chest pain.
Emergency room.
Could hardly talk or breathe the pain was so intense.
Turns out I sprained my chest/sternum/rib cage/cartilage (Costochondritis)
I don't know how one goes about doing that, exactly....seen as how I only turned to get out of the car.
But apparently I managed it.
I am very talented I guess. :~)
The meds they gave me managed to dull the pain so I can at least somewhat breathe, clear my throat and talk without gritting my teeth in pain.
Scared what it's gonna feel like again once the meds wear off.
It will take a week or so for the pain to subside.
Which is not that bad, but figuring we're kinda leaving for vacation in a week, this is about as crappy timing as I could get.
Life needs to keep moving on, and things have to get done...now they will just have to get done with horrid chest pain accompanying it.
Bummer.
I feel so old.
And I'm not even 30 yet.
Not for six more days.
Oh, my poor body. It's been through the ringer this year.
Eyeyeye.
This is gonna be a rough week.......
needing an extra extra extra dose of God's grace....and some of His healing sprinkled in would be good too. :~)
Friday, November 11, 2011
Veteran's Day
My many thanks to those who serve today.....
and to those who served to ensure our today.....
Monday, November 7, 2011
random bits and pieces
-This morning as we were getting coats on to head out the door to bring Sydaleigh to school, we got a knock from our neighbor down the street.
She asked if that was our car, parked down the street in front of her house.
Yup, that'd be ours.
She went on to inform me that she saw it driving down the street, without a driver in it.
*(that would be the part that my eyes bulge out of my head, and I slowly turn my bulging eyes towards Isaak-where they narrowed a wee bit)
"I'm sorry, come again?"
She told me that she jumped into our moving vehicle, stopped it, and parked it for us, figuring we forgot to put on the parking brake.
Um. "We". No. Isaak. Yes.
Yeesh. She stopped it right before it hit the Chief's daughter's car. Lord knows that woulda been a freakin' nightmare.
Thankfully we have super brave neighbors who'll jump inside moving vehicles to keep them from careening into parked cars, curbs, houses.....kids......
oh my....it wasn't even 8am and I was already needin' to go back to bed... :~)
-I attempted to recreate this outfit below with a super cute deep blue ruffled dress I already had, a skinny belt, my brown boots, and some mustard tights I recently purchase...
Yeaaah....except, I purchased sheer mustard tights...which only made me look like I had a bad case of jaundice goin' on.
FYI....a bad case of jaundiced lookin' legs ain't cute. At all.
-I managed to burn myself six times in a two minute period with my glue gun trying to make a cork board out of an old frame. Dang you Pinterest!! Motivating me to be crafty!
-T minus twelve days until we leave for vacation!! WAHOO!!! Hilton Head Island for seven whole days in a house with almost my whole family. It is going to be so wildly fun. Beach. Lots of food. Bringing down the smack in Catan....and possibly poker, if I can remember how to play, and the boys are brave enough to let me join them again. Oodles of family. Shopping. Late nights. Loads of laughing. Oye. I can't wait.
-We had an adoption seminar late last week about Trans-racial adoptions. There is so little we can do while we wait, that it felt good to feel like we were "doing" something. We learned a lot. But, we also have a good many of our own thoughts on the matter, so we discarded what information we felt didn't apply. So glad to have gone though. It certainly made us appreciate our lives within the military even more. One thing is for certain, there is no shortage of racial and cultural diversity in the military. And we really feel like that gives our family a great advantage when it comes to acceptance and exposure. We love that our girls are being raised in a diverse environment. And pray that it will always be that way.
-Despite the fact that Isaak forgot to put on the parking brake this morning and threatened the whole street with his wild unmanned car....he still husband of the year because he surprised me with an early birthday/Christmas20011/early birthday/Christmas 2012 gift to go see Bekah in March!!!
Oh happy day!!! They secretly planned it without my knowing. My heart is so happy it doesn't even seem real. Can.not.wait. to see my dear friend for four whole days! EEK!!
I see a trip to Forks in my future. :~) Oh.yeah.
She asked if that was our car, parked down the street in front of her house.
Yup, that'd be ours.
She went on to inform me that she saw it driving down the street, without a driver in it.
*(that would be the part that my eyes bulge out of my head, and I slowly turn my bulging eyes towards Isaak-where they narrowed a wee bit)
"I'm sorry, come again?"
She told me that she jumped into our moving vehicle, stopped it, and parked it for us, figuring we forgot to put on the parking brake.
Um. "We". No. Isaak. Yes.
Yeesh. She stopped it right before it hit the Chief's daughter's car. Lord knows that woulda been a freakin' nightmare.
Thankfully we have super brave neighbors who'll jump inside moving vehicles to keep them from careening into parked cars, curbs, houses.....kids......
oh my....it wasn't even 8am and I was already needin' to go back to bed... :~)
-I attempted to recreate this outfit below with a super cute deep blue ruffled dress I already had, a skinny belt, my brown boots, and some mustard tights I recently purchase...
FYI....a bad case of jaundiced lookin' legs ain't cute. At all.
-I managed to burn myself six times in a two minute period with my glue gun trying to make a cork board out of an old frame. Dang you Pinterest!! Motivating me to be crafty!
-T minus twelve days until we leave for vacation!! WAHOO!!! Hilton Head Island for seven whole days in a house with almost my whole family. It is going to be so wildly fun. Beach. Lots of food. Bringing down the smack in Catan....and possibly poker, if I can remember how to play, and the boys are brave enough to let me join them again. Oodles of family. Shopping. Late nights. Loads of laughing. Oye. I can't wait.
-We had an adoption seminar late last week about Trans-racial adoptions. There is so little we can do while we wait, that it felt good to feel like we were "doing" something. We learned a lot. But, we also have a good many of our own thoughts on the matter, so we discarded what information we felt didn't apply. So glad to have gone though. It certainly made us appreciate our lives within the military even more. One thing is for certain, there is no shortage of racial and cultural diversity in the military. And we really feel like that gives our family a great advantage when it comes to acceptance and exposure. We love that our girls are being raised in a diverse environment. And pray that it will always be that way.
-Despite the fact that Isaak forgot to put on the parking brake this morning and threatened the whole street with his wild unmanned car....he still husband of the year because he surprised me with an early birthday/Christmas20011/early birthday/Christmas 2012 gift to go see Bekah in March!!!
Oh happy day!!! They secretly planned it without my knowing. My heart is so happy it doesn't even seem real. Can.not.wait. to see my dear friend for four whole days! EEK!!
I see a trip to Forks in my future. :~) Oh.yeah.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
The first snow with some thunder sprinkled in.
Yesterday was beautiful. A gift really. A lovely gift of sunny skies, no wind, and a warm 70 degree day, on November 1st.
I think that is unheard of here in our blustery state of Nebraska.
This whole Fall season feels like a gift. Like this is what God designed Autumn to be like. Pleasant. Mild. Sunny. Filled with beautiful colors and warm weather.
Nebraska hasn't had a Fall season like this since we moved here over four years ago. I had come to think they didn't exist. But they do. Fall has been just absolutely wonderful and I think I will actually mourn seeing it go and make way for winter.
I took advantage of the weather as much as I could yesterday, knowing that today, November 2nd, would usher in weather we're more accustomed to here....cold, rainy, piercing bitter wind, with wet snow and sleet....and surprisingly some thunder and lighting to top it off. How weird to have a thunderstorm accompany snow.
But I can't complain.
This Fall has been too wonderful to complain about the weather to come. Winter and all together cold and unpleasant weather is coming right on cue...not too early, or too late....and for that I am thankful and my heart rejoices.
In anticipation of the change of weather I felt an urgency to get the yard "ready". There is nothing worse than being hit by Nebraska's drizzly rain/snow and not having had one last chance to mow the yard and put things away. Because when it gets yucky the last thing I want to do is be outside.
So I spent the better end of the afternoon, and then evening, and into the night, racking the leaves and mowing the yard. I knew it was totally pointless to be out there after dark, racking and mowing....knowing good and well the rest of my trees would dump their leaves tomorrow and make my efforts all for nothing.
But I was on a roll. And I couldn't stop. And it felt good to be outside, at night, without a coat and just feel the 65 degrees. I turned the car headlights on so I could dimly clean out the garage to make room for the van.
I only freaked myself out a couple times thinking someone was following me....to have it turn out to be my own shadow. :~)
The lawn mower only ran out of gas once. And I only had to call Isaak down from his sinus infection coma to take the gas can lid off....because I couldn't figure it out. Other than that it was all me. That deserves a WHOOP WHOOP! The mower had sympathy on me this last time around. And once I figured out that mowing the lawn is really hard to do in slippery flip flops...and actually put on real shoes...I had a grand old time pushing that baby around. So I ran. Figured I might as well turn it into a workout.
And now it is snowing. Our first snow. Every leaf that remained perched on our trees has fallen back to earth and covers all my effort from last night. But it wasn't wasted effort. Being outside in the mild Fall weather and getting to work felt really good.
And I will enjoy this weather....for today. :~) Tomorrow I may be cringing and cursing the blasted snow and cold...but today I will enjoy it. Because yesterday was too much of a gift not too.
I think that is unheard of here in our blustery state of Nebraska.
This whole Fall season feels like a gift. Like this is what God designed Autumn to be like. Pleasant. Mild. Sunny. Filled with beautiful colors and warm weather.
Nebraska hasn't had a Fall season like this since we moved here over four years ago. I had come to think they didn't exist. But they do. Fall has been just absolutely wonderful and I think I will actually mourn seeing it go and make way for winter.
I took advantage of the weather as much as I could yesterday, knowing that today, November 2nd, would usher in weather we're more accustomed to here....cold, rainy, piercing bitter wind, with wet snow and sleet....and surprisingly some thunder and lighting to top it off. How weird to have a thunderstorm accompany snow.
But I can't complain.
This Fall has been too wonderful to complain about the weather to come. Winter and all together cold and unpleasant weather is coming right on cue...not too early, or too late....and for that I am thankful and my heart rejoices.
In anticipation of the change of weather I felt an urgency to get the yard "ready". There is nothing worse than being hit by Nebraska's drizzly rain/snow and not having had one last chance to mow the yard and put things away. Because when it gets yucky the last thing I want to do is be outside.
So I spent the better end of the afternoon, and then evening, and into the night, racking the leaves and mowing the yard. I knew it was totally pointless to be out there after dark, racking and mowing....knowing good and well the rest of my trees would dump their leaves tomorrow and make my efforts all for nothing.
But I was on a roll. And I couldn't stop. And it felt good to be outside, at night, without a coat and just feel the 65 degrees. I turned the car headlights on so I could dimly clean out the garage to make room for the van.
I only freaked myself out a couple times thinking someone was following me....to have it turn out to be my own shadow. :~)
The lawn mower only ran out of gas once. And I only had to call Isaak down from his sinus infection coma to take the gas can lid off....because I couldn't figure it out. Other than that it was all me. That deserves a WHOOP WHOOP! The mower had sympathy on me this last time around. And once I figured out that mowing the lawn is really hard to do in slippery flip flops...and actually put on real shoes...I had a grand old time pushing that baby around. So I ran. Figured I might as well turn it into a workout.
And now it is snowing. Our first snow. Every leaf that remained perched on our trees has fallen back to earth and covers all my effort from last night. But it wasn't wasted effort. Being outside in the mild Fall weather and getting to work felt really good.
And I will enjoy this weather....for today. :~) Tomorrow I may be cringing and cursing the blasted snow and cold...but today I will enjoy it. Because yesterday was too much of a gift not too.
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