Marvelly at 3

We celebrated Marvelly's third birthday on Friday. It's crazy that the little baby of the family is already three. I'm still completely amazed how fast a year can go by. Or how fast three years can go by for that matter.

It's so cliche and every mother says it, but it really doesn't seem like that long ago that we brought her home from the hospital....

Her first day in the hospital she scratched herself on her left upper cheek and it scabbed over and eventually scarred. Today her cheek still carries the remains of that tiny little scratch from only one day old. I thought over time the scar would disappear, but it's only slightly faded. She will likely carry that little reminder of babyhood with her forever. So that even after all her baby teeth fall out and it appears she has nothing left on her from her baby years, every time I look at her I'll have that tiny little physical reminder she was in fact at one time...a baby.

I know she's only three. But Sydaleigh is five. Five. And soon Marvelly will be too. And before I know it I'll blink, and poof...they'll be grown ups. It's this knowledge that motivates me to give a little more at the end of the night when I feel like I'm on empty. To read one more story. Rub their back for one more minute. To be silly when I feel like being serious. To sing Disney music with them when I feel like being quiet. To dig into my imagination and play polly pockets when it feels like my make-believing skills have all but vanished for the day. These fleeting years of youth motivate me to give a little bit more because I know that my days to be silly, play polly pockets, make play-doh ice cream, read story books and sing Disney show tunes won't last forever.

So, in honor on my newly minted three year old....dig a little deeper. Because they won't be this small forever.....so check your grown up distractions at the door and go jump in a puddle!

Happy Birthday my little moonchkie! ( a nickname that started out as munchkin, but over time evolved into moonchkie. I don't know where I come up with this stuff sometimes.)

I made her a 101 Dalmatians cake after her favorite movie this year which she probably watched close to a hundred times.

We had a couple of friends over to celebrate her special day, eat some dessert and open some fun presents. One of which was an 80 piece 101 Dalmatian figurine set. $10 on Ebay. And quite possibly the best $10 I've ever spent. E-ver. The girls have never been entertained with a toy for as long as they are with these. I'm talkin' hours worth!

And as soon as Daddy got home we took the girls to the CIRCUS!! The Shrine's Circus was in town performing at the Civic Center and we happened to have free tickets, and we don't really pass up free...so yes please we will go watch some bears ride around on a motorcycle!( I don't ever remember going to the circus as a kid, even though I know i did, so I was just as excited to go and see some pretty bizarre things.)

 see, really riding a motorcycle. 

Sydaleigh got to ride an elephant and Marvi rode a pony downstairs in the petting zoo area. Not hesitant one bit!

(I love Isaak's face in the pic on the left!)

It's truly amazing the things that you can not only train a human body to do...but an animal's as well. Getting a wild animal to jump through fire for fun. Dude.

And then of course...

 I don't even have the muscle in my hands and arms to hang from the rings on a playground set...but some chic can hang from a rope by only her teeth. Dude. Duuuuudddde.  How you do that?

And then of course I just ask why? Why???? Running in place on top of some moving contraption while jumping rope? Do you want to die?

Like I said...we saw some pretty bizarre things. No bearded ladies though. Bummer. 

But it was Awesome!

Happy Birthday my Marvi girl.

28 lbs. (24%) 35 1/2 in. tall (14%)
still pint sized
still wearing some 12 month pants (when i realized that I had to box them up just on principal)
loves shrimp, any type of dipping sauce, hard boiled eggs, manicotti, and avocados (to which she sometimes calls Manicados. Hee hee)
her favorite movies this past year were 101 Dalmatians and Barbie 12 Dancing Princesses
fully potty trained-Hallelujah!
just recently got into Strawberry Shortcake with the long hair
talks in her sleep, a lot
knows all of her colors, alphabet song, shapes, and can count to 15ish
still working on drawing a straight line
aggravates Sydaleigh to know end
makes me fuming mad one second then has me buckled over in laughter the next
crosses her arms over her chest and tucks her chin down when she pouting
mimics Sydaleigh all.the.time.
is sure to do the exact opposite of what you tell her (especially Sydaleigh. as soon as Sydaleigh asks back for anything Marvelly has taken from her, it's sure to result in Marvelly running away laughing)
doesn't take too much seriously, unless she feels you've committed some sort of injustice to her, otherwise, she's all laughs all the time
is sure to run away if you pursue her, especaially if you're pursuing her to give back something she's taken, then she'll run away, laughing at you the whole way.
did I mention she doesn't take much seriously?
will not stay in the corner for nothin'
stutters over her w's and s's
likes to tell us what to say to her
the only time she's still is when she sleeps
continues to have a deep obsession with her blanket...she's our little Linus.
still gets milk at bedtime
when she's being corrected she'll tell us, "Stop it Mommy. Stop it Daddy. Stop.it."
and has more expressions than all of us combined
corrected herself from saying "Siyyayyee" to  "Sydaleigh"-that made me pretty sad.

Not goin' out without a fight

We went to the clinic this afternoon for Marvi's well visit.

Nothing.

Isaak met up with us about twenty minutes later.

Still nothing.

By the time we left the immunization clinic, within a span of about 15-20 minutes.

Covered.

There were big white fluffy snowflakes being dumped out of the sky at monstrous proportions. And the brown earth that I had grown used to seeing the past two weeks lay once again covered under snow.

Upon seeing this Sydaleigh literally started crying. She cried all the way to the car telling me, "I thought spring was coming!" in her most dejected voice possible.

My sentiments exactly honey.

But I know Nebraska too well to think that two weeks of relative bliss in the middle of winter could mean spring was in the foreseeable future. Nebraska does not take kindly to being ripped out of weeks worth of winter and general misery.

So, if this grand state has to dump henoious amounts of snow in a matter of minutes to make up for what it lost the past two weeks...by golly she will.

 (an hour's worth of snow and not a speck of grass in sight.)

This winter is not goin' out without a fight.

My one word for 2011

I was given a challenge after Christmas. A challenge from my sweetie Bekah.

A one word challenge. 

Just one word for 2011 to focus on.

Sounded easy enough.

So instead of another new year's resolution I was sure to fail, and forget, just as soon as I committed myself to it...I decided to pick one word.

One word to focus on this year.

One word, to really challenge me.

Of course there are thousands upon thousands of words out there, and I had been thinking for the past couple days after Christmas what that word would be....because I wanted a good one.

But, it wasn't until I was saying goodbye to Bekah in the airport, that God planted my heart on what it would be. My word for 2011. That one word that would spur me on these next twelve months...

SPECIFIC.

That's my word for this year. We already have a love hate relationship because SPECIFIC doesn't come easy for me. It doesn't come easy in my personal life, and I've especially struggled with it in my prayer life.

I struggle with it in my personal life, because well, if I'm being totally honest I want my family to be mind readers. I do. I want them to be able to read my mind. I don't want to have to always tell everybody what I want. What to do. All.the.time. I want them to just know. Without having to be told, or reminded, over and over and over. I realize the absurdity to this way of thinking, but absurd as it may be...I do it! And I subject my family to it. Because rather than getting aggravated, when my family doesn't read my mind and do exactly as I want and think they should...I could just tell them. I could just be specific.

And then I struggle with this in my prayer life, not because I expect God to be a mind reader...(tee hee, that's one I don't have to worry about!)...but because I tell myself over and over and over,

"God, I don't know what's best for me. You do. So I'm not gonna pray over anything specific. I'm just gonna pray in a generalized fashion. I'm gonna be a neutral prayer."

It's funny because I only struggle with this in prayers concerning me. When it comes to other people, I have no problem laying out the specfic desires I have for them. But me....not so easy.

And I've come to realize that that's no way to approach God. While I do think it's important to approach God with absolute humility and recognize are limitedness in knowing what's best for us, praying neutral all the time is a cop out.

For example....."God, I don't know what will be best for our family with this adoption. I don't want to pray for a specific boy or girl, because you know my family better than I do, and you know whether a boy or girl will be right for us. I don't want to pray one way, and not have that be the right way in the end. You know better than me, so just send us whichever. I trust you. "

Seems good. Seemed like a good way to approach my life. Just surrender it all to Him. Never have an opinion. Never have a specific desire. Or a specific want. Let God make every decision so I wouldn't have to think. So I wouldn't ever have to make a wrong choice. A choice that didn't line up with what God had planned for me. I wanted to take away any opportunity for human error. I wanted to take away any opportunity to choose wrong. So I became a neutral prayer.

"Whatever God, anything is fine so long as that's what you want for me."

"Whatever."

"Whatever."

"You decide."

And on and on it went. For years.

But then I also came to realize, through some much needed God revelation....that I've also been praying this way....

so that I could avoid disappointment. 

I don't want to pray wrong....and I don't want to be disappointed when I don't receive what I've been praying for.

Yikes.

It's hard to pray and pray and pray over something, something that you really really want, and truly desire, and then have God turn around and tell you,

"no, I'm sorry."

To spend that much energy into praying for something, and then be told "no." Who wants that?

Not me. I don't want to become emotionally invested in praying over something just for God to tell me "no", and be disappointed because I didn't get what I wanted.

Because now, you have to deal with disappointment, then you have to learn to let go out that dream or desire you had for your life, and then accept that God had something else in mind for you all along.

Like this adoption. I convinced myself that I didn't care whether we were blessed with either a son or a daughter. I prayed neutrally, for God to bless us with either. God's choice. But all along....Sydaleigh has been praying for a brother. A brother. This sweet little child has been going before God, laying her specific desires at His feet. For a brother. That challenged me. This whole darn thing has challenged me.

Praying specifically is hard. Because it requires me to trust God way more than I ever did when I was praying generally. I said, "I trust you, I trust your decision for me"... but if I really trusted God, I would pour my heart out to Him and tell Him what I really want, (because He already knows anyways, I'm not fooling Him by keeping it to myself)...and give Him the opportunity to grant that request, or deny it. Even if that means facing disappointment. Even if that means becoming emotionally invested. Waiting expectantly for God to grant my request. That takes more trust.

I'm going through Luke right now in bible study and time after time I have read across scripture
Luke 11:5-13, Jesus urging boldness and persistence in prayer,
Luke 18:41, Jesus asked him, "what do you want me to do for you?" "Lord, I want to see," he replied
Luke 21:36, again encouraging boldness
Luke 22:42, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."

Jesus himself approached God with a very specific prayer. A very specific prayer. He didn't shy away from laying His desires at God's feet. He came, and fully poured out His heart in prayer, not holding back. But what I love is that while He fully poured out His heart's desires, He recognized God's final authority and was fully surrended to the LORD'S will. Even if it wasn't what He prayed for. Even if He had to endure the disappointment of a prayer answered "no." He didn't hold back. He fully gave God the opportunity to answer His prayer either "yes" or either "no." But fully accepting whatever answer He was given.

Now that's trust. 

Not exactly what I've been doing. Not exactly how I've been approaching God in prayer. I wanted to avoid any chance of hurt or pain or disappointment, so I avoided praying for anything specific.

And, God is seeking to change that in my life this year. Seeking to strip me of this whacked out thinking, and come to Him just as Jesus did. Vulnerable. And just as Jesus taught us to do. Expecting.

So that's my word for the year. SPECIFIC. It's gonna be a doosey. God has used it to push me and stretch me more than I wanted to be and it's only February!

I have had some things on my heart that God finally encouraged me to stop being neutral on, and be specific on. So, in these past two months I have prayed continually for two specific things. One concerning our adoption, that the Lord would bless our family with a blessed baby boy, (whether He grants that prayer remains to be seen :~) ), and the other for a friend. Just recently I began praying for two other very specific things...one of which God answered on Friday. :~)

Girl hormones

I could blame it on being tired. I could. We played outside more today than we have in the past two months combined. The girls were tired tonight.

But right now. This is not tired.

This is a small glimpse of what it is going to be like from here...to forever.

Sydaleigh is currently crying...no no no....more like bawling....deeply sobbing...because Daddy doesn't like grapes, and she does, and that hurts her feelings.

Oh my.

At bath time she was bawling because she thought Isaak yelled at her, when in fact, he did not.

During story time fifteen minutes later she started bawling, again, because Marvelly bumped her head on the bed and it scared her.

And now, after we calmed her down for the second time, I rubbed her back, prayed, we left their room in cheery moods, I walked out and she started all over again.

Because Isaak doesn't like grapes.

Oh my.

Yes, she is tired. But this is some serious girlie hormones wrecking havoc on my poor little first born.

I have been slowly noticing these erratic cry fests for the past couple months, since turning five, so I'm blaming it on her five year old hormones.

Who ever said that hormones don't kick in until puberty years...well, that's a load of junk. Because they start showing a whole lot sooner than that.

I have a five year old crying over grapes right now to prove it.

Poor Isaak. He has no idea what he's in for. :~)

These girlie hormones are not for the faint of heart.

I'm sweatin' over here

And I don't sweat.

But that's what a whoppin' 50 degrees will do to ya after living in arctic temperatures the past two months.

You'll think that 50 degrees is warm.

Actually, you'll think that 36 degrees is warm in the mornings when you leave the house, and by the afternoon when it gets up to 50 it's just plain hot, and you sweat.

That's what Nebraska has done to me. It's made me delusional into thinking 36 degrees is warm, and 50 degrees is hot!

If I was still living in South Florida I'd be suffering from hypothermia. Yeah, really. I would be.

But, we're not in South Florida anymore...so my body has betrayed me, and actually got acclimated to the cold.

Well, as much as possible for me. I'm a perpetually cold person by nature. Like, if being cold was a disease, then, well, I'd have a disease of being cold. Which makes this all the more sick that I actually think that 36 degrees is warm and 50 degrees is hot. That's just so warped in my world.

So, because mornings of 36 degrees is now considered warm, we are taking full advantage of playing outside and getting every bit of vitamin D the sun had to offer.

We went berserk on our snowman and crushed him to smithereens. Picked up snow balls and flailed it into our tree. 

 We walked our favorite walking trail.

Road bikes. Climbed mountains of snow.

Got reacquainted with old toys and played in the mud.

 that is one adorably dirty tooshie.

hello heat wave!

The waiting game

I feel like I am in a perpetual state of "wait".

Waiting to hear back about adopting.
Waiting to hear back about a mission opportunity.
Waiting to hear back about a photography opportunity.
Waiting to hear back from the doctor about test results.

Waiting.Waiting.Waiting.

And as I unloaded to Isaak the other night, he said, "don't worry about it." And I thought, "I'm not worrying about it....I'm just tired of waiting." 

I feel like all I'm doing lately, is waiting to do something. Waiting to hear. Waiting to know what's next. And normally waiting doesn't bother me so much. I can usually push it to the back of my mind and go on with my life until there's a development. But I'm having a harder time doing that right now. It's harder because I am waiting to hear back about multiple things.

I was standing in front of my sink yesterday, praying, and thinking about everything, and my thoughts fell on Abraham. I love Abraham. He was so, imperfect. He struggled with things. He was a slow learner. But learn he did. And overcome he did. But Abraham had to wait twenty five years for a son. He lived in a perpetual state of wait. For twenty five long years. And I can't even fathom what that must have been like for him. For Sarah. Having to wake up each day and wonder if this would be the day.

9,125 days. To wake up. And wonder. To wake up. And wait.

That's a long time.

Even if he was able to push down the thoughts so he wasn't obsessing over them....the thoughts would still be there. He would never be able to escape them. He would never be able to fully keep himself from thinking about what was to come. While he was planting in the fields, those thoughts would be there. While he was eating dinner with Sarah, those thoughts would creep in. While they traveled, gave directions to his servants, rescued family, served angels.....there would be that nagging little thought in the back of his head....taunting him....asking...."is this the day???"

And, I can't imagine that all the times the Lord came to him and reaffirmed His promise, gave new provisions, and clearer direction....that made Abraham feel better. Yes, he believed the Lord. Yes, he loved the Lord. But then a year goes by of waiting, and nothing to show for it. Five years goes by, nothing to show for it. Ten years goes by, still nothing. Twenty, and still zilch. He had to wonder.....

"when Lord? when? how much longer do I have to wait??"

Not had to wonder....he did wonder. The promise haunted him. And Sarah.

And they got fed up with waiting.
They didn't feel like they could go one.more.day. without an answer.
Haunted them so much so that they tried to take matters into their own hands and force an answer. Force the results they so desperately waited for.

But in the end....they learned...you can't force God's hand. You can't force God's plan.

God was faithful to answer. Not in their time though. And the Lord reminder me of the same, through my favorite imperfect, slow learning, but LORD loving man Abraham.

^"LORD, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God."  Psalm 38:15

"In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly." Psalm 5:3

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14

 
"I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope." Psalm 130:5

"I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” Lamentations 3:24

You are my portion. You are my portion. You are my portion. 

Good morning sunshines

Love them bunches and bunches.

Last week in review-Daddy Daughter Dance and more.

Last week was, interesting. 

We were once again trapped indoors by this winter's unrelenting snow and cold. I actually woke up on Monday to the sound of squealing tires trying to inch their way up the inclined driveway to the base chapel located directly behind our house. Because everything was covered under an invisible layer of ice all the cars that tried to drive up to the chapel just reversed it back onto the street after their tires nearly started smoking in a vain attempt to conqueror the icy drive. Not a single car made it up. :~) It was pretty funny. So much so I actually spent thirty minutes at the window watching.
Wow.
Just writing that makes me realize how sad that is. It's like when you see people in their lawn chairs, on their front porch watching the paint dry...because they have nothing better to do. And here I am, sitting at my window, watching the cars try to climb an icy hill...because I have nothing better to do. Ohhh, that's soooo sad.

Anyways, school was canceled, again, because of weather.

And then Marvelly got sick with a mysterious fever for two days.

I was in a funk and in desperate need to escape mentally, so I broke out some favorite books and sailed away to Forks for a couple days.

By the end of the week things started picking up. Marvelly's fever had finally passed, the icy roads had finally melted and just in time for their hair appointments on Thursday. Thank goodness too, we needed to get out, and they needed a good trimming.

befores....

and the only 'after' shot I have, Marvelly is now sporting an almost shoulder length do. Once the humidity returns it will bounce back up and rest on her shoulders. Sydaleigh's is still long. Not that long...but long.

Friday we had a game night date with our neighbors, which was super fun. Our love of board games is definitely being resurrected...thanks in part to our obsession with Catan. 

Saturday was the annual Daddy Daughter Dance at the community center. Isaak had two very pretty dates that evening who were very eager to get dressed up for their daddy.

They danced, ate, did the limbo, schmoozed with friends, took pictures....and had an all around fantastic date night with daddy.

 And while they were away this mommy took off for a fun night of my own! Girls night was way overdue. Taco bar, Liz's house, my gang of ladies, two yummy cakes, Loaded Questions, lots of inappropriate answers, laughing till my sides hurt, laughing till I cried, laughing till I couldn't even laugh anymore because I was laughing so hard. My kind of night. :~)

The weekend definitely redeemed itself! We started out dragging but ended on a high note.

Like mommy like Marvelly

Eye color and height aren't the only things we pass onto our kids....

apparently sleeping with your mouth open is also capable of being passed on in your DNA.

There are worse traits to inherit I suppose, but none nearly as attractive. :~) Ohhhh yeaaaaaahhhh.

Patience child....patience...

I'm trying not to stalk my email.....
I'm trying not to pace up and down the hallway....
I'm trying to be patient.
Trying.
But word is a week overdue.
'Word' being something I set my heart on before I even gave myself permission to set my heart on it.
A life long dream.
A life long passion.
An answered life long prayer.
An amazing opportunity.
And it's at my fingertips.
And I'm just waiting on the word.
My heart wants this so bad and being patient while I wait for it is not easy.....

Disney say what?!

"I'm sorry....what?!"

"WHAT?!"

I feel like I have just had the wind knocked out of me....anxiety attack may be approaching (or it would be if I was prone to anxiety attacks).

I just read....*breathe, breathe*.....

....that Disney will not be making any more...... princess movies.

And it's not just the end of princess movies....but ALL FAIRY TALES!!

Disney...say what?!

No more princess movies? No more fairy tales?!

Wha....I....ugh.....

COME AGAIN?!!!!!

What do you mean? How can this be? What will come of the world without the musical happily ever after's I've come to love? I shudder to think.

Literally, shuddering.

All because you seem to think that little girls these days grow out of the princess stage too quickly therefore not making it worth the effort to continue investing in this market. Well, Mr. Disney.....I will have you know that in this house we fully recognize our princess potential. Yeah that's right. I am a proud princess and am taking personal offense to you assuming that all girls turn in their tiaras at five and stop singing along to the animated goodness of Tiana, and Rapunzel, and Ariel.

That's nonsense, nonsense I tell you!!!

If I ever felt inclined to protest over anything in my life it would be this.

"Bring.back.fairy.tales! Bring.back.fairy.tales!  Bring.back.fairy.tales!"

Seriously....no more princesses, singing, neurotic step mothers, sparkley sparkles, princes, fairy god mothers, talking animals, and happily ever afters.

Disney pulling the plug on princesses.....what is the world coming to......I.do.not.know.

'This' all needs to go away

I'm starting to go a bit stir crazy.

For the first two months of winter I'm usually pretty good, I fair pretty well. But come February, I start to lose it. The snow, the wind, the freezing temperatures.....all start to wear on me just, a little bit.

I haven't been outside, in, I don't remember when. And going to and from the car for church, and preschool, and Target doesn't count as being outside. That is more like running and holding your breath so your throat don't freeze....not the same.

My toes are cold, even with two pairs of socks, and slippers covering them.
My floors are cold, even with towels rolled up in front of the cracks to stop the wind from creeping in.
The house is cold even with the thermostat set to 75.
I can hear the wind swirling and whirling around outside, because it's Nebraska, and it's windy, and the windy wind is loud. Which is an ever unpleasant reminder that outsides is off limits.
The ground is once again covered under a slick layer of ice and snow. Which makes getting the mail a death trap.
The pipes get so cold it's hard to keep the water warm so we have to crank up the water heater to scalding (yes, that's an actual setting). So every time I turn the water to 'hot' to keep my fingers from turning to popsicles while doing the dishes I get 3rd degree burns. 
My body is tired all the time because it's trying to hibernate due to the frigid temps.

So yeah, it's February, which means that while my thoughts concerning the pretty white fluff hanging around yesterday were something like, "oh, yeah, how pretty, I love the snow," has officially turned into today, "get that crap off my lawn, off my car, off my driveway, off my shoes because I looooooooathe you."

This all needs to go away.

(wishing I had some magically sparkly red shoes right now to wish this winter away. darn fairytales for making me believe you have super powers!)