The waiting game

I feel like I am in a perpetual state of "wait".

Waiting to hear back about adopting.
Waiting to hear back about a mission opportunity.
Waiting to hear back about a photography opportunity.
Waiting to hear back from the doctor about test results.

Waiting.Waiting.Waiting.

And as I unloaded to Isaak the other night, he said, "don't worry about it." And I thought, "I'm not worrying about it....I'm just tired of waiting." 

I feel like all I'm doing lately, is waiting to do something. Waiting to hear. Waiting to know what's next. And normally waiting doesn't bother me so much. I can usually push it to the back of my mind and go on with my life until there's a development. But I'm having a harder time doing that right now. It's harder because I am waiting to hear back about multiple things.

I was standing in front of my sink yesterday, praying, and thinking about everything, and my thoughts fell on Abraham. I love Abraham. He was so, imperfect. He struggled with things. He was a slow learner. But learn he did. And overcome he did. But Abraham had to wait twenty five years for a son. He lived in a perpetual state of wait. For twenty five long years. And I can't even fathom what that must have been like for him. For Sarah. Having to wake up each day and wonder if this would be the day.

9,125 days. To wake up. And wonder. To wake up. And wait.

That's a long time.

Even if he was able to push down the thoughts so he wasn't obsessing over them....the thoughts would still be there. He would never be able to escape them. He would never be able to fully keep himself from thinking about what was to come. While he was planting in the fields, those thoughts would be there. While he was eating dinner with Sarah, those thoughts would creep in. While they traveled, gave directions to his servants, rescued family, served angels.....there would be that nagging little thought in the back of his head....taunting him....asking...."is this the day???"

And, I can't imagine that all the times the Lord came to him and reaffirmed His promise, gave new provisions, and clearer direction....that made Abraham feel better. Yes, he believed the Lord. Yes, he loved the Lord. But then a year goes by of waiting, and nothing to show for it. Five years goes by, nothing to show for it. Ten years goes by, still nothing. Twenty, and still zilch. He had to wonder.....

"when Lord? when? how much longer do I have to wait??"

Not had to wonder....he did wonder. The promise haunted him. And Sarah.

And they got fed up with waiting.
They didn't feel like they could go one.more.day. without an answer.
Haunted them so much so that they tried to take matters into their own hands and force an answer. Force the results they so desperately waited for.

But in the end....they learned...you can't force God's hand. You can't force God's plan.

God was faithful to answer. Not in their time though. And the Lord reminder me of the same, through my favorite imperfect, slow learning, but LORD loving man Abraham.

^"LORD, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God."  Psalm 38:15

"In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly." Psalm 5:3

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14

 
"I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope." Psalm 130:5

"I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” Lamentations 3:24

You are my portion. You are my portion. You are my portion.