Some self examination

I got a nice little kick in the pants yesterday evening....

Isaak came home from work at normal time. I wasn't feeling very well, but what else is new lately. I was going about our normal evening process, getting ready for dinner and all that. And then Isaak gets a call from a co-worker who's car broke down and needed help. Her husband is deployed and she had no idea what to do. I stood there fiddling around in the kitchen working and listening to him try to help her over the phone.

And then I just started praying in thankfulness that Isaak's beginning years in maintenance have given him great experience with cars and fixing all kinds of things to be able to use to benefit and bless other people. Everyone knows that they can call Isaak for help with their car because he knows so much about them. We have gotten a good many calls over the years with people needing help and at that moment I was just so thankful that the Lord had given Isaak that opportunity to learn all those years ago and be able to retain all his knowledge to be able to help people today.

So I'm praying. And thanking God. And asking that the Lord would really use Isaak right now over the phone to help her. Yeah. Gosh, sometimes I don't even realize what the heck I'm praying for! Geesh!

Isaak hangs up then, runs upstairs, "Crap" I think. He comes back down with shoes and says,"I'll be back in about 45 minutes. I'm going to go help her with her car, it's an easy fix, I'll be back soon."

"Crap. It's dinner time."

I could just feel God saying, "mmm hmmm. So what was it that you were praying for now?"

Dang it.

Sometimes I really don't like it when God shows me areas of my heart that I'd rather not see. Those selfish areas, the parts of me that I'd rather not have to sacrifice. The parts of me that pray to be used and then don't want to actually have to go to be used.

God immediately brought my mind back to an article I read in Voice of the Martyrs months ago, here is two paragraphs of that article....

"One of the greatest examples I have seen of the kingdom-first mentality was in a Vietnamese evangelist named To Dinh Trung (featured in June 2004 newsletter). Trung was thrown into Quang Ngai prison for preaching. During his stay in prison, our brother Trung brought more than a dozen prisoners to Christ. After thousands of letters from our readers arrived at the prison, nervous officials offered to release Trung a few months early. He shocked them by demanding the right to complete his prison sentence; he did not want to leave his new church.
How would you expect Trung's wife, a mother with three young children, to react to her husband's decision? Mrs. Trung said simply," I am happy that the Lord has given my husband a ministry." The Trung family knew that the blessings of God go beyond the immediate comfort of being together as a family. Since they were unified in spirit, their children did not significantly suffer from the absence of their father.
Should I and my family focus on the kingdom of God even it it means sacrificing some good things we think we deserve? What decision will we make when faced with the dilemma of being a "kingdom first" family"

Ugh. And I was inwardly griping about my husband being gone for 45 minutes?!  Wow. Wow wow wow. I asked God to use him, that his skills would be a blessing to someone in need, but I didn't really mean it. Not fully. What I really meant was, "God use Isaak. But use him here. Use him in a way that is not going to inconvenience me."

Yeah. And boy did I know the moment Isaak closed the door behind him that God was waiting to talk to me! Was waiting to show me some areas of my heart that needed to change. And boy did I get the message.

My prayer changed at that moment. It changed from not just asking God to "use Isaak" but to "change me, rid me of these selfish areas. Help me be a woman that sacrifices joyfully." And to celebrate opportunities that the Lord gives our family to bless others, even if it's not always convenient.


After some deep prayer at the oven I was able to sit down around the table with the girls and when they asked where Daddy was I could respond without bitterness or negativity that he wasn't home, but with joy, telling them that "Daddy was out helping someone fix their car. Isn't it great that we have a Daddy that God uses to help people!"


"Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the LORD alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up." Deut. 6:4-7 (NLT)

I love that I serve a God who loves me too much to leave me the way I am. A God who seeks to see me grow and blossom. A God who won't hesitate to strip me of areas in my life that just need to go. A God that is patient with the-work-in-progress that I am always gonna be.

So thankful for His gentle little kicks in the pants. :~)