Ahhh....nothing better in my book than not only getting new clothes, but getting them in the mail. There is something so fun to me about eagerly anticipating a piece of mail, and then the joy of receiving it.
It's bliss I tell you.
Sheer and utter bliss.
While on my new skirts high I planned multiple outfits to be worn by each and then settled on an outfit for the gray skirt to wear to church this morning.
I opted for my long gray skirt to be paired with a fat black belt with a gold buckle, a black cotton tee with 3/4 sleeves tucked in, my suede 3" black stiletto boots, and some gold jewelry.
I was in happy outfit heaven on my way to church this morning.
It's amazing how a good outfit can put you in a great frame of mind. I mean, Isaak could of been grouchy, we coulda been running late, the girls coulda been whining and screamin', and Chief could of been pukin' all over my freshly steamed carpets.....and all would of been well....cause I was in my new outfit.
So, needless to say, I was riding high this morning. Happy all over. Nothing can rain on my parade.....
that is....until I got out of the car at church, and took three steps onto the sidewalk, and my little happy bubble came crashing down on me when I realized I had.....
STATIC CLING!!!
NOOOOOOOO!!!!! My dreaded arch nemesis! The one thing....the ONE thing that could ruin, completely and utterly ruin, what would otherwise be a perfectly perfect outfit.
I tried to shake it out. But that only made it worse, a lot worse. The more I walked, the more it clung. And long skirts are incredibly unforgiving with static cling. Because when they cling.....they cling. In every wrong place there is to be clung to. I coulda been wearing spandex that's how bad it was. It's like there was a vacuum in the middle of my legs and every step I took the vacuum would suck that fabric past my boots, round my thighs and up to my crotch.
"AH! NO! Get away from me!" I shrieked in my head. But it was to no avail of course.
Oh it was bad. My skirt might as well have been shrink wrapped onto my body. And there was no hiding it. I'd go to talk to someone, and you'd see them subtly glance down at my legs, and then try to keep talking like we never stopped eye contact.
And now, because I am incredibly self conscious of my thigh and crotch hugging skirt, I make a point to sit within arms reach of someone so that I don't have to get up outta my chair and walk across the aisle to pass the offering basket and draw unwanted attention where it doesn't need to be.
This was a super spiritual Sunday for me.
Stupid static cling. She didn't just rain on my happy outfit parade, home girl freaking sent in an F-5 tornado and obliterated every hope I had for a nice morning down to nothin'!
I hate you! I hate you static cling! This is not the last word in those skirts! I will wear them again, and they will not be shrink wrapped to my thighs next time. I'm gonna get me some "death to static cling" spray and keep it on hand in the event you try to show up and start invading my personal space again.
Geesh....talk about a mood killer.
4 comments:
deep.
i started to laugh i cried so hard.
i also hate static cling. there should be a pinterest cure for that!
Just keep a dryer sheet or two in a ziploc bag in your purse. When your arch nemisis rears it's ugly head just rub the sheet on the spot.
i use to use lotion on my legs or panty hose to keep it at bay, water would work sometimes too, but it didn't last. finally broke down and bought static free slips. they work quite well but are not nearly as hilarious as you!
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