Sydaleigh's FIRST day of Kindergarten

We did it. I did it. Sydaleigh did it. I feel a huge sense of accomplishment for making it through this day.....

I slept horribly last night. First I couldn't get myself to go to bed. So I stayed up baking homemade M&M cookies until I didn't have a scrape of dough left. Then I just kinda wandered around. Rechecking her lunch bag. Her book bag. My purse. I finally forced myself upstairs knowing logically that everything was ready....but feeling so unready.

I woke up about a bajillion times last night. Cold. Shakey. On edge. I'm not normally like that. I tried to reason with my head to calm down, but my body wasn't havin' it. I finally fell asleep good only to have Sydaleigh bust in the room scared from a dream, and then Chief started getting obnoxious meowing to go outside.

Really cat?
When have I ever in the past ten years gotten outta bed to let you outside at 4am?
When? WHEN?
Never. That's when. But he kept on meowing anyways. And when he finally resigned, he went into my bathroom, knocked down the trash can and pulled out a "pull-ups" bag to chew on. That I will get up for or else I'll be cleaning up puke in the morning. I kicked him out. Closed the door. Crawled back to my bed in hopes of falling back to sleep only for Anna to start pawing at the bathroom door, wanting to get in to get a drink.
Really Anna?
When have I ever got outta bed at 5am in the past twelve years to give you a drink of water?
When? WHEN?
Never. That's when. But she kept pawing at the door anyways.

*sigh*

It was not a good sleeping night, last night.

But today came regardless, like "todays" always do. I was dressed and ready to go before any little toes crept into my room. And when Sydaleigh did come looking for me, she was already excited. She picked out her clothes the night before so she quickly dressed and we headed downstairs just the two of us to eat breakfast together.

She told me she wanted her hair down, in her favorite headband. So that's how I let her wear it. It's her first day of school after all...she should get to pick how she wears her hair. (tomorrow I will probably choose for her, but today, it was all her. :~) )

We had about thirty minutes to spare so she did what she always does after breakfast and settled down on the couch to watch a little show. I made her lunch the same as I do at home. So at least there will be one consistency and familiarity from her time at home to take with her to school everyday.

I woke up Marvelly, who was still fast asleep, (poor darlin's gonna be woken up a lot I suspect) got her ready, and we hurried out the door to snap off a couple pictures before we left.

Her first day of Kindergarten.

I still can't believe it....it's gonna take a while, I think, for the reality of this life change to sink in....

...not having her around me all day anymore. Not all being together everyday like we used to.

 I figured out real quick you have to get to school early...like early early if you want to get a decent parking spot. I scored pretty well in the morning, but even arriving ten minutes early to pick her up this afternoon I had to park way down the block. Like, waaaaay down the block.

There she is...walking to her new adventure. 

 I was told that all the kindergarten classes line up outside in the morning, in front of their teacher, and then walk in after the first bell. I though, initially, "oh great, that sounds very organized, I like that."

"Uuuuummm, no. Okay? No. Just no. This is not organized. It is impossible to be organized when there is four rows of kids all squished together, plus parents. We are in the back of the line, because we only got to school ten minutes early, and everybody else apparently got here at the butt crack of dawn to line up. Sydaleigh's met her teacher one time. She can't see her from the back. What's to keep her from wandering off when it's time to go in, and follow some other student, into his classroom, and then be totally lost, and scared, and no one knows she gone. Where are the security guards? Where are the metal detectors? And what the heck is gonna stop some Freaky Freddy from wandering into the school right now? Huh? What?!"

"I ain't leaving my kid here.

You're gonna have to pry her outta my steal trap mommy arms first."

Oooohhh there they are. "They" being all those panicky thoughts that decided to gang up on me mere seconds before the bell rang and they were ushered in the doors.

Wait! I'm not ready!

But ready or not...it's time to go. Life is waiting.....

So I let her go. 

Reluctantly. Fearfully. Scared to death. Sad as all get out....

....I still watched her walk away to live this new adventure.  

I crammed my face to the glass and watched her walk down the hall till I couldn't see her anymore.

 But I couldn't get myself to leave. Not yet. I just had to be sure that she made it okay. So in a very ninja like fashion, I covertly crept to her classroom and stood outside the window, and there she was...safe and sound, in the room where she belonged, in her seat at her table.

And then I left. I left her in the care of a teacher I don't know...but in the hands of a God that I do.

And the day rolled on. And I was deeply loved. I spent a couple hours in the morning at Brandi's visiting and catching up, then me and Marvi made a trip to the store. Came home and enjoyed lunch, and coloring, and tickling and playing Dalmations. I talked to Kristine, Liz (the night before actually, but still fresh on my mind!), Isaak, Brindee, Holly, my mom, a "thinking of you" text from Jenny. It was good. Good to play with my absolute favorite three year old and talk with some absolute favorite people.

And then it was time to pick up Sydaleigh. And she had a most fantastic day....to which I did a complete debriefing on.  :~)

I heard all about her lunch, and potty breaks, and quiet time, and craft and coloring, and playing outside. She knows Mommy likes details, and she didn't spare a single one that she could remember. Bless her heart. It was a good day.

Prayerfully there will be a whole lotta those in store for her this year...and the next 18 after that. :~)

To new adventures. And moving forward despite the fear that wants to pull me back. To trusting and relying on the Lord in a completely new way. And learning to let go....albeit a teensy tiny bit at a time....

Happy first fantastic day of Kindergarten Sydaleigh!