Living water

It's rough. When Isaak is gone. It's tiring. And lonely. And...tiring.

Every night I lay down to bed feeling like I could sleep for a thousand hours. And then I wake up and realize it's only been six. I'm still tired. But I drag myself outta bed anyways and pull myself together before little ones come calling again.

I stood in front of the counter tonight, gathering my comfort bowl of cereal, and thought....how grateful I am that my single status is only temporary. And not only is it temporary, but it'll be over soon.

And then a flood of faces flashed through my mind of all the women I know who have to endure single status for so much longer. Month after month after month....or years.

Makes my stomach drop into an endless nothing, knowing how painstakingly hard it is to have to be everything. And not have an end in site. Or at least a sight that is within grasp. My prayers go out to them....

It's so hard.

It is utterly exhausting.

But somehow, by the power of God alone, I find myself receiving fulfillment in six hours instead of a thousand. I find myself actually being able to make the muscles in my face form a smile when my eyelids would rather give way. I find myself with the strength to give the girls a piggy back ride up the stairs when my body is fighting an impending coma. The ability to calmly reply, "go to sleep" an hour after bedtime when I still hear playing and giggles, the willingness to walk upstairs and rock Marvelly in my arms when she's gotten out of bed and or rub Sydaleigh's back...when I'm trying to squeeze in an ounce of alone time. I find myself getting an adrenaline rush, a boost of patience, a surge of compassion...when I would otherwise be bone dry. When the me in me is done. When the me in me is depleted. When the me in me feels like I have absolutely nothing left to give...

that's when my Jesus in me starts filling me back up. There He is....offering encouragement to persevere. Providing strength to carry. Supplying energy to stand.

When I feel like I'm being buried alive under heaping piles school schedules, chores, discipline, work, errands, cooking and stress...there He is throwing me down a rope, all I have to do is grasp onto it, and in His strength will pull me up and out.

Only His living water I tell ya.....

"On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.” 
 ^{John 7:37-39} 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” 
^{Matthew 11:28-30}

There is nothing else that truly satisfies. 
There is no one else that can give me sustainable rest, peace, endurance, patience, love, and gratitude.
There is no one else I want to follow.

Only Jesus.

In Christ who gives me strength....I can do all things. Not in me...but in Christ. Only Him....