Between places

"We, too, are between places at times.
The Israelites were between a victory and a defeat, yet they did not know it."

"We, too, are between places at times."

I read these words last week in my bible study. I read them again early Monday morning. And I thought to myself..."I wonder what place I'm between right now? Is a defeat looming up ahead that I can't see? A victory perhaps? Something unexpected?"

The truth is, we're always in between places. Not at times, but always. We can never fully see what's around the corner. We don't fully know what tomorrow holds. We can plan our lives out as best we can, but we can't plan for everything.

And that's where faith comes in. Putting faith in the LORD to guide you through all the in betweens. And then standing in that faith once you get to the place the LORD is leading. 

Faith without works is dead.

The magnitude of this has really started to sink in these last six weeks. The Isrealites could say all.they.want, "sure God, we trust you," but if they never shouted out in faith, a shout of faith that would bring the walls of Jericho down around them...it would have meant nothing.

They could say that they had faith until their faces turned blue, but if they never stepped one foot in the raging Jordan, a step of faith into a churning sea, a step of faith that would halt the waters....it would have meant nothing. Nothing.

And they would have stood there, defeated, by their own inability to take a step of faith, in an ever faithful God.

Because in order for God to supernaturally bring down the walls of Jericho, He required the people to shout believing that He would.
In order for God to supernaturally part the Jordan river, He required the people to step into it, believing that He would.

I can tell God all I want, "of course I trust you!" But if I never step into my Jordan, my faith is dead. My faith needs to respond to God believing that He will and He has, even if I don't know what His will entails.

Yesterday, on a routine doctors appointment to check out a cyst, something completely unrelated was discovered. Something that I have been having symptoms for for years. And it was always dismissed. Always brushed off. No one took into account my concerns. Said I was perfectly normal. Little did I know my normal wasn't normal at all. I've never been a person who's been plagued with sickness. I have lived a remarkably healthy life. No complaints except for a yearly cold, or a headache once a month. Except for this pesky symptom. A racing heart rate. Between 115-130bpm. My heart beats so fast and so forceful I can feel it every minute of every twenty four hour day. It will keep my from falling asleep. It will wake me up in the morning. It makes my body run internally as if I was constantly doing aerobic exercises. There is no break. There is no relief. Constantly racing. An ever present reminder that something feels wrong, but always being told that it's not.
Thanks be to my Lord and Savior the doctor I saw yesterday, who was seeing me for something unrelated, agreed to order a blood test for me, after hearing my concerns again over my clocked 130bpm. It the tests are normal, a machine will tell me. If not normal, she will tell me.

A couple hours later, which is a down right miracle in military time when it comes to getting any sort of information...

the doctor called.

Blood tests came back. Not normal.

My thyroid is running out of whack.

I have hyperthyroidism.

Which she said explains my incessantly rapid heart rate. Which explains why I can always feel it beating. Which she assured me is not normal.

Finally. An explanation. Not an explanation I was prepared for. I wasn't prepared to hear something was wrong with me even though it felt like something was. But still. An explanation. A explanation behind my racing heart, my trembling hands, being hungry every hour, and likely a slew of other things.

But that's all I know. My next step is an appointment on Monday to request a referral to be seen by an endocrinologist. And, that's as far as I can see.

I don't know much at this point but I do know there will be further testing to try to discover the cause of my thyroids malfunction. And then treatment in the form of lifelong medication or surgery(with lifelong medication) depending on my severity.

It's scary to find out something is wrong inside you. Especially when nothing's ever been wrong with you. And to know there is nothing you can do to fix it yourself. To feel broken. Weak. And helpless.

A great position to be in to depend on God. A great position to be in to see if I've been all talk...or if I really have the faith I say I have.

I don't know much of what my future with this entails....but right now I know the Lord is leading me to my Jericho. And I can either gaze up at those gigantic terrifying walls and choose to stand in fear, or.....I can step out in faith and shout a victory cry to my God who has already won my battle...and watch the walls crumple at my feet.

So I'm choosing faith right now. I'm choosing to approach my Jericho and shout forth in victorious praise because my God is bigger than my problem. And I don't need to know the outcome to know that my King has already conquered it. He holds my heart in His hands. And no harm can come to me there.

"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; 

his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.        A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.        You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. 

You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

“Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.” Psalm 91