Break my stubborn will

I ran into Walmart Friday evening to grab some last minute items for our Portrait Project on Saturday.
I was in a hurry, a little bit grumpy, and wanted to hurry up and get home.
Walmart and me are not on friendly terms, so it was only out of convenience that I went into that store.

As I paced up and down the aisles looking for what I couldn't find,
standing there,
in the cosmetics aisle,
I saw someone.

A familiar face.

I was pretty sure it was her, but her hair was different so I couldn't be positive.
And then I heard a familiar voice, "say hello" .

But rather than listen, I quickly ducked my head and strode by quickly pretending to look at something down the aisle....
chicken.

I walked around the corner, thinking, pondering her face the last time I saw her, trying to remember her name, working up the guts to simply say "hi".
"What's wrong with me? Why am I struggling with this? If it's not her it's no big deal....but what if it is (and I'm pretty sure it was)...what else do I say....why now? I'm grumpy and want to go home, why does she have to be here tonight? What the heck, why can't I just say hi!?!"

I walked back past the aisle that she still stood in, her feet still firmly planted in the same spot, no doubt being held there by a force that was willing me to go to her.

And then, in a split second decision...I left.

I left.

Ugh. utter dread.

I didn't say hello.

I was uncharacteristically scared out of saying, hello.

Why is such a simple gesture so hard sometimes?

I've thought about this all weekend. I haven't been able to shake what I did. Or rather....
what I didn't do.

It's what I didn't do that I've been struggling with. The Lord asked me to "say hello". And because of my stubborn unwillingness I ignored Him. Because of fear that it might actually be her, I ignored Him. Because at that moment I wouldn't have known what to say to her...I ignored Him....and her.

And what makes me sick is that this was one of those opportunities that I pray for every.day! An opportunity to be a light. His light. Even if it's in just a fleeting moment.

Isn't life made up of fleeting moments?

In church this morning I thought about what happened. Why she was there. Why God asked me to say hello. And the answer I heard was so simple, not at all what I was expecting. And it was this...

"to simply be recognized...and remembered."

That would have been huge for her....especially from me. I met her for a brief time, under a circumstance that was meant to celebrate achievement and victory. But even in the midst of the celebration, we're all aware that we're only celebrating victory because of the fire that they went through leading them there.

I wish I could go back.

I wish I could be in that aisle again with her, boldly walk up and say, "Hi Vicky, it's great to see you!"

"Lord, forgive my stubborn heart. Break my will. Mold me to resemble You more. Help me to be obedient in all that You ask of me. Help me to be obedient to do Your will in every fleeting moment."

So thankful in this week leading up to Easter that God is so full of grace that He will never reject us in our failures. So thankful that He is relentlessly persistent in seeking our hearts. And so thankful that another opportunity to be His light and share His love is waiting right around the corner....