Oh.I.don't.think.so...T.J.Maxx

Went to T.J.Maxx the other night. Even drove there all by myself, at night, in a new part of town.

I do love me some good cheap T.J.Maxx, oh yes I do.

I was walking slowly through the store, reveling in my aloneness and the fact that I was able to look at clothes without being manhandled by my children.

I was browsing through dresses when I looked up and saw a clearance sign hanging over by the shoes.

I make my way over there.

I start looking at some really nice shoes, handbags, and apparel. 

"Hmmm....these look a bit too nice for T.J.Maxx," I thought to myself.

I look inside one of the handbags I had my eye on, pull out the tag, and

"HOOOOLY GEEZ!!!"

I dropped the tag and stumbled back as if I just touched a dead body. 

"That's a $1,200 Prada bag!"

I look around. Eyes buggin'. Mouth gaping. Wondering if anyone else is as appalled by this as I am.

Nope. Just me I guess. 

I turn in slow motion back towards the bag (and all the other Prada bags next to it), eyes still buggin', mouth still gaping open...

"That's a twa-elve hun-dred dolla Prada bag.....at freakin' T.J.Maxx!"

Never in my life! Never in my life have I been so sticker shocked before! Where do they think they are?! They do know that this is T.J.Maxx right?  Because last time I checked, T.J.Maxx was a bargain shopping store. We're not in Beverly Hills shopping on Rodeo Drive. What's the matter with these people?!

I want to know who authorized for that Prada merchandise to be sold in that store. I would like to know! Some.bo.dy tell me! I mean really.....it's freakin' T.J.Maxx! And people who shop at T.J.Maxx don't buy no $1,200 Prada bags. Okay?! We buy like, $24.99 CalvinKline sweaters, sometimes, but mostly we really buy $12.99 sweaters by MalvinKline cause we be shoppin' at T.J.Maxx and nobody who shops there wants to spend more than $20.00 on a piece of clothes!

I mean really...really....even if you did buy a $1,200 Prada bag at T.J.Maxx.....you would never freakin' admit that! 

"Oh, like my new bag. It's a Prada. I got it at TJMaxx." 

No.Way! You would lie through your freakin' teeth about where you bought that bag! Why?! Because it's a Prada. And the people that wear Prada would look at you like you just grew gangly warts all over your face while you were standing there if you ever admitted that. And as much as I drool about getting stuff on sale.....there is some stuff you.just.don't brag about buying on clearance.....and Prada is one of them. Especially if you got it at T.J.Maxx.

I mean, T.J.Maxx has been around way too long to try and start pulling the cool card now. It's like Kmart. Like....ten, fifteen years ago when KMart tried to revamp their image, new sign, new merchandise design....but at the end of the day....guess what? It's still just a Kmart. And T.J.Maxx can try as they may to sell their $1,200 Prada bags and Gucci shoes....but at closin' time....they will always be $1,200 poorer....because they're still just a freakin' T.J.Maxx...where people don't come to buy no $1,200 anything!

A first dinner with new friends and getting "prepared" for Africa

Last night we had dinner with the other couple going to Africa with us, Heath and Becky. We met at a restaurant in Old Alexandria and spent the evening getting to know each other.

They are lovely. And fun. And personable. And we hope to form a solid lasting friendship with them during these next two years of living in a third world country together. God clearly had his hand on both of our selections and I'm excited to be going on this adventure with them and seeing how God uses our lives in relationship to each other and time in that country.

Heath also happened to spend some time in Burkina Faso a little while ago so we picked his brain of "what to expect" while we're there....we learned...

-the biggest airport, in the capital Ouagadougou, has a dirt floor.
-they make pizzas with eggs cooked in the middle
-they have very good food with lots of French restaurants
-the only people he met that spoke any English were the workers at his hotel, and still, it was like a foreign language
-almost everyone in the capital speaks French
-I will not have to sleep under a mosquito net
-I will need to drink only out of bottled water
-really slow dial up internet, the fastest they have available, cost $300 a month (US dollars)
-one of the most relaxed "Muslim" countries around, extremely tolerant to other religions
-the people are incredibly nice, nicer than you'd expect them to be, considering their living conditions
-there is plenty of outreach opportunities, all I have to do is walk through the markets and the children will be "reaching out" to me
-they have what's called "begging gangs" where small children are herded into large groups to beg in the streets.....

and there was more....but my mind stopped there. It just, stopped there.

I am excited. Very. But when I start to consider what life is going to be like when we get there, my excitement turns into nervousness. And then I wonder what we've gotten ourselves into. Because, truly, we have no idea. We have no idea what we've gotten ourselves into. I try to research the country, the people the culture, and listen to my French... in hopes of being somewhat prepared for life when we get there.

But then the Lord whispers.....

"you need to be more focused on preparing yourself in Me."

And I know He is right. I know that I can stuff myself silly with African facts and French sayings....but it is not going to truly prepare me for what's in store. The only way that I can effectively prepare myself for what's in store is by stuffing myself silly with Jesus.

I have felt for a while the Lord whispering to me that these next five months in D.C. are to be a time of preparation.....

but mostly, to prepare myself in Him. He keeps saying it. Whispering it. Encouraging me in it. Reminding me of it. The importance of it. Preparing myself in Him. Because that is what's going to make the difference. Not my language skills. Not my ability to ride side saddle in a skirt on a scooter. Not my efforts to learn to cook new foods. Not learning to sew. Not researching the region....but Jesus. He is going to make the biggest difference in my life over there. He is going to determine whether I smile or whether I scowl. He is going to determine whether I move forward or turn back. He is going to determine whether I love or look away.

My French skills won't really matter at the end of the day....only Jesus will. And whether I choose to follow Him or not.

"God is magical"

"God can walk on water....He is magical."

My girls think God has magic. There is nothing I can tell them to make them think any differently. And in all fairness.....I don't really feel the need to correct them.

Because in their very innocent six year old and four year old eyes....He does. Any man that can walk on water and come back to life after dying on the cross and create the entire universe.....has the absolute best magic imaginable in their eyes.

If you ask them, they will tell you that God has magic because He is powerful. Because He can do anything. Create anything. He is God. Nothing is bigger or better than Him. There is none like Him. And if they use "magic" to describe his power.....then I'm just gonna go on lettin' them.

They will say, "God has the best magic!"

And truly....they are right. It is so very simple to them. So very uncomplicated.

God has magic. The best magic. Because He is the most powerful.

It is that simple to them. Magic has yet to take on a sinister role. They are still very much immune in their young age to the realities of evil. I know the day is coming....likely very soon, when hurt, and pain, and evil will confront them. But I do not fear that day. I do not resist that day. Because they already know something that most people have not discovered yet.....

God is real. He is good. He is the most powerful. And He's got the best dang "magic" out there.

Random tidbits from our first five days in D.C.

-The movers came less then 24 hours after we arrived on Friday afternoon. We got a call at 7am on Saturday that they were waiting at the front gate. And they preceded to unload that whole van of stuff in about five hours time....despite the bone chilling wind and the random mini snow storm that ensued. They were troopers. And the girls loved watching them unload all their goodies from upstairs.

I think they were secretly happy to have our furniture back so that they didn't have to eat on rubbermade totes for a table again. (I say that just builds character).

 (our first night in D.C. at our new house)

In the eleven years we've been doing this we've never had our stuff so fast. Kinda unheard of in this field. Such a huge blessing from the Lord to be able to receive our stuff so quickly, figuring we'll be here such a short amount of time.

-Also, less than 24 hours after arriving, I got to see one of my most favorite people, Holly. Girl showed up at my door with food and ready to put her mammoth strength to work, heaving heavy boxes around and helping to unload our kitchen. That's what great friends are for.

-It was also on Saturday we realized that Marvelly's birthday was not on Friday, when we celebrated it. Her birthday, the 25th, was actually on Saturday. I'm just gonna blame moving to a new time zone on the fact that we got our days confused. Thankfully, she has absolutely no idea when her birthday is anyways, so technically we coulda celebrated it on Easter and she woulda been none the wiser. Still though, there was a twinge of guilt that we couldn't even get right our own kids birth date. But, at the end of that day, she was still four....so no harm no foul!

 -We have nearly unpacked and set up everything we will need for the next five months. I even have a wreath hanging on my door already.....thank.you.very.much. I can't stand to see boxes piled and clutter laying around so I pretty much work non-stop until the house feels put together.

-We bought a GPS and have named her Norma. And after wanting to crush her to smithereens the first few times using her...I decided I kinda like having her around. She's useful. Once I figured out her language she wasn't so bad.

-I successfully made it to Holly's house and back last night. By.myself. Without getting lost. Or having a panic attack. That is a huge accomplishment. Especially since upon arriving I ruled out ever driving here solo....getting behind the wheel alone and navigating to Holly's thirty minutes away in the middle of rush hour....made me pretty much the coolest person I know. Just sayin'. I totally rocked last night. :~)
 
-We have already been to our new church.
-Liza brought us dinner last night. (it's great already having built in friends!)
-Thanks to Holly I got connected with another homeschooling mom down the street from us who already hooked me up with what I need to "enroll" Sydaleigh in homeschooling while living in D.C. Another blessing. I don't homeschool, so I had no idea where to look to figure out the laws for this area. Which was a pressing issue because I kept having anxiety about the attendance police showing up at my door and hauling me off to jail for failure to properly educate my children. So, whew! Glad that box is checked!
-We have walked the Potomoc which is literally a five minute walk from our front door. Crazy beautiful view. There is about a two mile path that runs along side it so we strolled it a couple days ago and took in the sweeping views of all the major monuments and then sat and watched the airplanes  land and take off.

We also took our first opportunity to walk the Potomac to spread Chief's ashes out to river. We took him with us one last time, and then said our final goodbye. It didn't bother the girls at all that they were scooping up his remains....it was nothing more than dirt to them. : )

 -We have about a dozen playgrounds within about five minutes from our house. And we've already gotten acquainted with many of them.

-This is a pretty small base so everything is about a five minute walk from our house. I walked to the BX two nights ago, and it was splendid. I love to walk. And having everything at our walking fingertips...is again....a blessing. A lovely extra from the Lord. He's so good to give us special things that we enjoy so much.

-Our house tilts to the left (in this picture my hand has it tilting to the right-whoops.)......not sure how the builders didn't catch that ten years ago when they made these. But....the house, or maybe it's just the floors...very very noticeably, tilts, to the left. We're just chalking it up to character. It's a conversation piece that all our furniture slants :~) It is also three stories tall and overall is actually smaller (living space wise) than our home in Nebraska.

But what it lacks for in living space it makes up for in storage space. We have pretty much our own personal storage shed downstairs. And since most of our house is staying in boxes while we live here, it works out quite well. We do have a nice deck off the living room....and Anna has even come out of her cave to enjoy it.

It's different living here. Some things we really like. Some things we really don't. It doesn't feel like home yet, and I don't really think it will. Not in five months time. But it's a great transitional home. And that's good enough for now. God has blessed up exponentially in our short time here so far...and we are grateful. Very very grateful.

First day living in D.C.....

Oh my.

This place is, for lack of a better word....special.

And when I say "special"....I mean crazy, frustrating, and if I leave here with all my hair in tact it will be a miracle.

We left for the final leg of our trip at 4:30am this morning. After being up since 3am with Marvi because she had a bad dream and refused to go to sleep, and then Syd woke up at 4:15 due to a bad dream too....we figured, since we're all already up....we just need to leave. So we did. Which was good because we wanted to get on the road early (not that early) just in case we hit traffic or got lost. We didn't want to be late for our appointment with the housing office on base, where we had a house reserved for us.

So we pull into town at 10:15am. We are 10 minutes from the base. No traffic. Easy enough directions to follow so far.

And then.....and then....we.took.one.lousy.wrong.turn.

And it wasn't even a wrong "turn"....it was more like, veering slightly to the wrong side of the fork in the road right where the highway just happens to split...all of a sudden, with no prior notice whatsoever.

That one wrong "turn" proceeded to take us 40 minutes out of the way.

One lousy wrong turn. I thought I was gonna kill everyone on the freskin' road at that point. Because we couldn't just turn around. And every time we tried, to ya know, turn around, like regular people do, in regular cities when they take a regular wrong turns....we would hit a dead end. Or a one way street. Or find ourselves on another highway. And then another highway. And then another highway.

It was quite the detour.

We bought a GPS about two hours later at the BX...cause I ain't getting behind the wheel here alone without one of those.

So that was a fun homecoming.

An even a more fun homecoming came when we got to the housing office on base about three hours earlier than our 2pm appointment.

Well....lesson learned. What lesson you say? The lesson being you don't show up for appointments here early. People will get down right mad at you. And tell you what an inconvenience you are.

Which was the case with the housing employee we had an appointment with. Not only was she incredibly perturbed that we showed up early, she took us to our home, opened the door, and then left, telling us we could look around, but couldn't unload our car until we singed our lease, at our scheduled apt time....in three hours. And then left. With the keys.

She would not budge. She showed no mercy. She would not be inconvenienced. She would not let us sign our couple of papers a few hours in advance.

So....we walked around the BX and then the library, for three hours. But I got a new GPS out of it. And got to visit the library. Which had a very impressive three bookshelves.

While at the BX I had another fast lesson in D.C. life.....you don't get whatcha pay for, and nobody really cares.

Case in point...the $4.50 I splurged on a kids meal for each girl at subway bought me a piece of bread with two pieces of turkey. No apple slices. No cups for drinks. When I asked for the cups that come with the meal I just paid for....the reply, "we don't have cups". Oh. Okay. Well that woulda been nice to know, but no biggie, I'll just swallow a whole bunch of spit and call it good.

When we were finally able to move into our new home....there was broken glass all over the dining room floor. There was a mysterious sticky substance on the floor next to the toilet in one of the bathrooms, that I had the good fortune of bending down to touch, fining out it was sticky, which led me to believe it was probably old pee. That was nice. I have all of one bar of cell phone coverage here and when I am fortunate enough to be able to get a signal, the call gets dropped within the first three minutes, and is unrecoverable for the next hour or so.

So in addition to probably never driving anywhere while I'm here, I also, after a half day, have given up hopes of being able to speak to anyone on the outside world.

There were some highs though....it wouldn't be fair just to highlight the lows of our first day...so.....in no particular order.....

The girls have a view of the Washington Monument from their bedroom window. Which is good because that may be as close as they ever get to it while they're here. So that's a high for sure.

One of my all time favoritess people lives here...and I will seeing her sunshining face tomorrow.

When, by the way, we will be getting our household goods. Door.to.door baby.

It is really windy tonight, which makes it feel like nebraska, except without the snow and below freezing windchill.

We learned how to be really creative when your sick to death of eating take out food and just want to eat something' made out of your own kitchen. So we made sloppy joes. Except we had no utensils to sloppy up the joes in the frying pan I did think to pack. So, isaak used a putty knife to cook the meat. It worked great, actually. And we used the two rubbermaid containers I packed as tables. We feasted on the floor. And we were perfectly happy. Once we cleaned up all the shards of glass that is.

And then we celebrated Marvelly's birthday....who turned four years old this very day. We had cake and ice cream and opened up the gifts we packed. We sang and celebrated and marveled at our littlest treasure. And it was nice to do it in our house that will be our home, even if it is only for the next five months.

So....today, had its challenges, and frustrations. But it also had some fantastic moments. And, based on what we experienced today, we understand that D.C. is gonna be hard. But Africa is going to be harder. And if God can use these next five months to begin to slowly prepare our hearts for a harder life to come....than we gladly welcome it. D.C. is for real not for the faint of heart. But, Africa probably isn't either. So we better get used to some differences and challenges now....because its only going to get harder.

At least here we speak the same language....well...most of the time. :)

Three days left...

We are alive.

Friday night after the movers left I giddily went over to the house, all pumped up to get my cleaning on. I spent a few hours over there, drowning everything in Ajax and jamming out to music in an empty house. It was a great time.

Two days later...the giddiness has passed. I am no longer pumped up to clean. I am sore. And tired. And I have a massive neck ache from cramming it sideways to clean stinking' baseboards.

You dont't realize just what a dirty kind of person you are until the house is bare of your belongings and there is nothing to hide grossness that managed to stay hidden for five years.

I am at the point where I may never let the girls touch another crayon...or writing tool, period. Seen as how, they have magically managed to color parts of the wall that were covered by furniture. I don't know how they managed to color the baseboards underneath their beds....but they did. And every other inch of wall space in the home.

I am ready to be done. But the pile of dust on top of the medicine cabinets and the soap scum on the glass shower doors refuses to let me throw in the towel....so we push on for another two days.

I never want to see glass shower doors again for the rest of my life...they are the bane of my existence! I have lost perfectly good brain cells being trapped in that tiny shower scrubbing those doors in Ajax in an unventilated room. I will never be able to get those brain cells back! And the older I get, the more I need them. If we have glass shower doors in our new house I already told Isaak he is taking them down when we move in. I'm not messing' around with those again. My brain just can't afford the loss.

Okay. Rant done. Back to work.........

I'm going to AFRICA!

The light of the new day had not yet dawned and the rest of the house still lay sleeping when I tip toed downstairs this morning. I sat in my familiar spot on the couch and laid open my bible on my lap and read....

"In the first year of Cyrus king of Persia, in order to fulfill the word of the LORD spoken by Jeremiah, the LORD moved the heart of Cyrus king of Persia to make a proclamation throughout his realm and also to put it in writing...." to release the Israelites from years of Babylonian captivity and allow them to return home. -Ezra 1:1-6 (partial paraphrase)

This was no small act. Cyrus was the first king of the massive Persian Empire, and after he conquered Babylon he encountered the Israelites for the first time. An exiled people. Forced to live in a foreign land. Forced to serve a foreign king. It would have been so easy to keep them there. To make them serve him now. But, he didn't. He let them go. And not only did he let them go, he told them to return home and rebuild their temple to the LORD, and then he told the neighbors living around the Israelites to provide them with gold and silver and livestock to take back with them to offer in the temple to the Lord. And if that wasn't enough he put some extra frosting on the cake and he returned to them all the treasures from their temple that Nebuchadnezzar had plundered.

Geesh. Talk about God moving in someone's heart and granting them favor in his eyes. 

And then I flipped over one book and read through Nehemiah's desperate prayer to the LORD...."They are your servants and your people, whom you redeemed by your great strength and your mighty hand. Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of this your servant and to the prayer of your servants who delight in revering your name. Give your servant success today by granting him favor in the presence of this man.”-Nehemiah 1:10-11

Nehemiah, a Jew, some 90 years later was cup bearer to the now king of the Persian Empire, Artaxerxes I, and living in Susa when he received word of the state of his people and homeland, Israel. His brother had told him how the Israelites were in great trouble and Jerusalem sat in rubble. They had not restored their country. They had not rebuilt their temple. They had not recommitted their lives to living for the Lord. Everything was in shambles. When Nehemiah heard this his heart broke. He wept and pleaded with the Lord for mercy and asked that God would grant him favor in Artaxerxes I eyes to leave Susa and return to Jerusalem to help rebuild it.

And ya know what.....God did. Artaxerxes I not only allowed Nehemiah to leave, but gave him access to his royal parks and supplied all the timber needed to rebuild the city walls and gates. And then, sent army officers and cavalry along with him to ensure safe passage.

Twice in one morning, I read how God had did what seems impossible to me. He moved in the kings hearts to help restore His people. Kings of the strongest powerhouse in the world. God moved their hearts...granted the Israelites favor in their eyes.

Amazing. And if God can move a kings heart in such a dramatic way, God is certainly capable of moving in the hearts of the medical board responsible for approving my appeal. He can. But I'm also fully aware that God may choose not to. That His plan and purpose for our lives may be better suited in me staying behind. But even when God says no....when our prayers don't turn out the way we want, it's not because God's not capable of providing what we're asking for. He just simply has another plan in store. That's not always an easy pill to swallow though.....staying behind...no matter how surrendered I am to His plan...would not be an easy pill to swallow.

And so again...I bowed my head and prayed, like Nehemiah, that God would be attentive to my prayer. And that He would give us success by granting us favor in the eyes of the medical board. Pleading with God. Pouring out my heart in thankfulness for His great strength and mighty hand. Praising Him for the examples He's left us in His word of His capable hands. His provision. His unmatched faithfulness. Praying....endlessly praying......

A few hours later I was sitting at church for bible study when Isaak called me. We were about to pray and disperse to our groups, when I heard my phone ring. I silenced the ringer and thought how odd it was that Isaak would be calling me, when he knows I can't talk at this time. I felt the phone vibrate in my hand telling me I had a message. I look down in my hand after someone says, "Amen" and see I have a text....

"call me NOW!" it read.

I gulped. Gathered my belongings and walked over to a quiet place. I gulped again. Because I knew this was it. The news we had been awaiting to hear, the news we have been pleading with God over for the past six weeks was awaiting me now. It was one of those moments, where ya just know. In the deepest parts of you, you know, this is it. I swallowed down my rising fear, and called Isaak back.


"I just heard from AFMOA (Air Force Medical Operations Agency)," he said.....

(*the seconds it took for him to breathe seemed to never end)

"....you're medical appeal was approved! You're going to Africa!", Isaak said excitedly into the phone.

*tears....again*

That's the only way I can find that adequately expresses my deepest thankfulness. There are no words good enough. There are not enough "thank you's" I could say. A thousand "I love you's" wouldn't be enough. Only tears.

I am going to Africa. We are all going to Africa. I just....can't even believe it. Happy would be a drastic understatement. Even now, the words of thanks just get stuck, and tears come out instead.

Tears and jumping and giggling and shouting and fist pumps and flailing around like a crazy person....have replaced every word I can say.

God is so generous. I don't deserve this amount of goodness and generosity. I feel so unworthy and so loved. And of all the days to find out....on Valentine's Day no less.

A day devoted to showing and sharing your love to the people in your life...God used this day to show me, again, His unmatchable perfect love for me. His love and devotion are so far reaching. His generosity knows no bounds. To trust us, us, with this opportunity....I can't hardly believe it. That's what it feels like. He is generosly granting our hearts desire to follow Him to Africa and trusting us with the responsibility that awaits. It is a priviledge that He is allowing us to go there.

A privilege, and a tremendous responsibility, and we do not take it lightly.

I stood in the kitchen later that afternoon, just pouring out my thanks, and the words from a song I've been singing since Christmas came back to me....

"I am not brave
I’ll never be
The only thing my heart can offer is a vacancy
I’m just a girl
Nothing more
But I am willing, I am Yours"

It seems small. After everything God has done for me....taking on my sins, paying the price with His own life, and then continuing to live out His love for me everyday for the rest of my life and beyond....to just offer Him my heart. But that's all that He asks for. My heart. And it's His. 

It's His.

God can move mountains. Mountains that seem impossible and too big to climb. We're talking Mt. Everest kinda mountains here.

But He can move them. No power can stand against Him. No obstacle or authority can thwart His plan. And it is absolutely thrilling to know that His plan for all of us involves Africa.

I loved seeing Sydaleigh's face when I told her the news after school. We have been praying over this nearly every night at dinner and bedtime and to see her face, ah, I wish I had a picture of it. She couldn't stop smiling. But it was the kind of smile she held. A smile that conveyed safety, assurance, and deep joy that only God can reach. And Marvelly too. Her little voice has been saying since January, "I want to go to Burkina Faso!"...and to know that God granted her three year old heart was thrilling. Isaak is over the moon. He keeps saying, "I'm so happy I get to spend the net two years of my life with you and the girls!" and then sighs deeply, exhaling all the built up stress and worry.

We are all thrilled. Beyond words. Just thrilled.

I can't believe it.

I love the Lord so much!

WE'RE GOING TO AFRICA!!!!!!! (insert fist pump and jumping and screaming and awkward dance moves better suited for an 80's MC Hammer music video!! Whoo hoo!!!!!)

One final girl's night before we move

Saturday night I went out, with some of my favorite ladies, for one last girl's night before we move to D.C. next week. We went to Mojo Smokehouse for dinner, then watched The Vow, and lastly hit up Jone's Brothers for some dessert. The night was filled with what it always consists of, a symphony of laughter. I love that I have friends who love to laugh. That is so important to me. And these past few years with these gals there has definitely not been a shortage of buckled over, clenching your mid section, hyperventilating, laughing till tears run down your legs kinda moments. It has been absolutely glorious, our time. And Saturday night was no exception.

The night was so bittersweet. Reveling in the joy of the moment, but aching inside knowing it will be the last with all of us together here.

It's been hard seeing our tight knit group slowly dwindle down over these past two years. There are just five of us remaining now. Soon to be four after I leave and then down to three when Brandi PCS's in May. But such is life in the military....there is no bias when it comes to getting orders. It's pretty much guaranteed that everyone will move on eventually. But there is no one I would have rather shared my time here in Nebraska with than them. These are some of the greatest friends I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. They have been my family. And you don't find that everywhere you go. Maybe with one or two people. But I have had that loyal, got your back, tell you anything, I will carry your burdens, and love you warts and all type of friendship with so many women here. God was very generous in surrounding me with amazing ladies. And as I sat during dinner I couldn't help but think of all our friends who have already left, moved on, started over elsewhere, and thank God for each one of their friendships in my life.

Nebraska has been a good run. A real good one. I have grown and changed so much during my time here and a large part of that has to do with the women God placed in it. They have challenged me. Accepted me. Taught me. Supported me. Inspired me. Laughed at me. And loved me.

And it is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye to them.

 (Kristine, Brandi, me, Amy, and Beccy- February 11th, 2012)

Thank you. Thank you for your friendship. It has been life to me. Until next time chicas....

"Just because"

This photo session made me cry this morning! Such beautiful images. And such beautiful words. And a refreshing reminder of what marriage is.....

"Just because" by Jessica Clair

So lovely.

Moving update, thyroid update, and freedom in Christ

This past week has felt like a whirlwind. So many things have been happening and not happening but in the midst of all the chaos and activity, God is good. He holds us, sustains us, and brings fresh life to these weary bones.

Isaak called me from work last Tuesday afternoon while I was outside in the back, swinging in my swing, reading a book, and watching the girls run and play without jackets on yet another bizarre 60 degree day in the middle of what is suppose to be winter here.

He was very agitated and I could almost feel his fumes through the phone when he told me he was just informed that TMO was not available to move our household goods until the last day in February.  Two weeks after we needed them to come. At a time when we were already suppose to be settled in D.C. And since we still didn't have orders yet and couldn't actually schedule the movers without that invaluable piece of paper, it would likely be into March before they would move us.

Well, that throws a wrench in our plans!

Except, when he told me this new news, I surprised myself when I started laughing. Lau.ghing, into the phone, to my husband who was ready to breathe fire.

"Really?! You're kidding?! No?! Bah ha ha ha ha! Of course they're not available to move us! Of course they're not!! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Isaak was silent in the phone when I think he was pausing to consider whether his wife had finally gone mad.

I laughed again and said, "Oh, this doesn't surprise me in the least." Followed by more laughter.

Isaak responds, "I don't see the humor in this," very seriously. Clearly not finding my laughter at the curveball comforting.

"Oh, just give it another week, and another curveball....and you'll be laughing with me!"

After we talked a few more minutes I finally hung up and took a minute to take mental stock of my odd initial reaction. No, I had not gone mad. I actually felt....giddy. Jubilant even.

The whole situation had just reached the point of being so out of our hands....I felt free. There was absolutely nothing we could do. We were at the mercy of so many people at this point, so many factors, it just made me smile.

And for maybe the first time ever I had responded to a possible stressful situation the way I always prayed I'd be able to some day.....with initial trust and surrender.

I knew that I knew that I knew God had this. No detail had escaped His notice. None of these events had taken Him by surprise. God was in control and I had nothing to worry about. Nothing. I couldn't even make myself feel anxious. I think at one point I tried telling myself, "you should be feeling some anxiety over this. This has the potential to mess everything up. You might have to do a DITY move, or stay behind while Isaak goes to DC without you, drive there solo with the girls....."

But nope. Nada. The anxiety and worry just wouldn't come. All I could do was smile.

Smile, because in the deepest parts of me, God had replaced trust where worry used to be. And peace where anxiety used to reside.

I've never felt so free. Like, actually free. Weightless. Light as a feather. What it feels like to be carried. To have no burdens.

"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." Psalm 55:22

And, that did take me by surprise. Because in my past, I have not been that girl. I am the girl who when thrown a curveball in life, my initial response is to worry. Granted, I eventually come around and turn to the Lord, trusting Him with whatever outcome there may be. But initially, initially, the very first thought when stress strikes.....is usually not trust. Trust usually comes after I've assessed the situation, worried about it, and then decided God was better off handling it.

But this time was different.

This time, finally, my very first instinct was trust, instead of worry. It was peace, instead of anxiety.

I've never felt that so immediately. 

I knew that God was in control and working in the background on our behalf. God just so clearly had a plan. So clearly. Nothing has gone the way it "should". Nothing has happened on time, gone according to our plan, there have been roadblocks and detours...but God has been in the midst of it all. Every part. Working it our for our good.

And being able to stop and feel and see that....just makes me want to celebrate. And smile. And laugh. Even if it makes me look like I'm off my rocker. Because God is so good.

I never want to forget this day. God's work in my life. My trust in Him. My response that day. Knowing that He is faithful to provide and take care of us, even when we haven't see the final fruits of His labor yet. And remembering that I have a choice. I can take His hand and walk in freedom and stake my claim to the peace that He offers. Or I can give in to worry and stress.

But after tasting what it feels like to be that free, that weightless....I never want to go back. But I'm human, and weak and there will be times when I probably will.....but this day will be forever etched in my heart to remind me why I shouldn't.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. " Galations 5:1

Fast forward.....one day later....we received in the mail the latest results from my thyroid blood work I had done a few days prior. And what did they show...that eight months after receiving radiation treatment on my thyroid, after months and months of waiting and tweaking my medication, my thyroid levels are finally within normal range. Finally. After everything my body hss gone through, not just these past eight months, but years and years, my thyroid hormones are finally stable. Praise God. And then two days after that....on Friday morning, Isaak finally got his orders. That afternoon, we secured a house on Bolling AFB without having to be present to sign a lease or have someone else do it on our behalf. Praise God. And yesterday, Tuesday morning, we scheduled TMO to pick up and move our household goods for February 17th....right when we wanted them to come. And we will have a home for them to deliver them to...right where we wanted to live. And my levels are right where they're suppose to be.

It seems like a drastic understatement to say that God is good. He is so much better than good. So much better.....He is perfect. His ways are perfect. His timing is perfect. His love is perfect. He is in every detail. And as we continue to await the final piece of news concerning my medical clearance....it is vitally important that I remember this. And, no matter what else happens, I am resolved to rejoice over who He is and what He's done in our lives.

May I never forget His goodness, and His faithfulness, and His provisions and love and mercy in my life. May I never forget this day and the freedom that was mine because of Him.

^"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31