A miracle in the middle of misfortune

It all started Sunday evening....

We started hearing rumors that our adoption agency might be closing.

I came by these rumors because I am a part of two adoption supportive groups on Facebook- one for families who've adopted in Burkina Faso, and the other for families involved with the agency we work with.

The groups were erupting with chatter about the possible closure. People saying they had talked to so and so, and heard this, and read this. Words were flying at a fast rate as people were beginning to panic with uncertainty.

I told Isaak what I was reading, and we both got a sinking feeling in the pit of our stomachs. Sometimes, rumors are just rumors. Other times, rumors circulate based on truth.

We were unsure at this point which was the case. But it was starting to look like there might be truth to what we were hearing. Specific details were starting to surface and it was hard to ignore the facts coming in.

I remember feeling absolute dread.

Oh my gosh, how can this can't be happening?! We're smack dab in the middle of our adoption.....how can our agency be closing?!?!? We need them! This wouldn't just be a setback, this could derail our whole adoption!

I went to bed late that night, glued to the computer screen, waiting for more details. But nothing official had been confirmed by the agency so it was still hard to tell whether this was all a big misunderstanding.

The sinking feeling in my stomach grew and grew. There is nothing worse than uncertainty, I believe. If the news is gonna be bad, then give me the bad news...but don't make me wait in the unknown.

Before going to bed that night I emailed Ruth to see if she had any news about the closure. With over a hundred families in process with our agency, getting through to a staff member in the States would prove impossible, so I emailed Ruth, knowing she would not delay in responding.

I set off for bed, with my bible clutched in my hand, in a daze, doing the only thing I could do, I needed to put my mind at ease with God's word and pray over this situation. I don't remember everything I prayed that night. I don't remember what I read. All I can remember is pleading with God to help me rest in Him, and to bring peace to the chaos of emotions swirling and hold me together....

By the next morning I had an email from Ruth saying she had been in close contact with the agency and was assured that the crisis had been averted and they would be staying open.

I had been talking to my mom when I got the message, and told her the news, happy to hear that our agency would not be closing their doors.

But just hours later, more news began to trickle in from people saying they had talked to staff members from our agency, and were told they were indeed closing.

So once again, we were caught in the middle of not knowing what to believe. On one hand we were told that everything was fine. On the other hand we're hearing that the agency is closing.

As the day dragged on it became more likely that the latter was still true, that indeed they were shutting down. It was a long, emotional day, waiting to hear something concrete. Not knowing what the future looked like for us. Not knowing what was going to happen.

All that uncertainty. It's true that so much of our lives are so often lived out in all those unknown moments. I've discovered, these moments of uncertainty we face are where we find out what we're truly made of....it's where we discover if our faith is truly authentic.

It was hard. I don't know how many times I felt close to spilling over the edge and despairing. But each time I felt like I was about to unravel....He was there, holding me in place, like a straight jacket...steadying me. Each time my thoughts started thinking about everything we stood to lose if this all fell through....He was there, keeping me from despairing, focusing my thoughts back to Him....over, and over, and over....that's the dance we'd dance. I'd grow anxious and His Spirit would be there to remind me of his promise, "Do not be afraid or discouraged, the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

I am loving Psalm 33 right now. I've been playing this verse repeatedly these past few days, drawing strength and encouragement from its truth. It sums up everything that is true about the Lord and how we should approach Him. I just love what it says, and how fitting it has been to our circumstances as of late...."Sing joyfully to the LORD....sing to Him a new song.....for the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The LORD loves righteousness and justice....by the word of the LORD the heavens were made....For he spoke and it came to be, he commanded, and it stood firm....the LORD foils the plans of the nations....the plans of the LORD stand firm forever....blessed is the nation whos God is the LORD...no king is saved by the size of his army...a horse is a vain hope for deliverance...but the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those who hope in his unfailing love...we wait in hope for the LORD, he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name."

I went to bed Monday night thinking about Psalm 33, and the vision of the king and his army, and the soldier and his strength and the horse, and also of Abraham and Isaac and the day he set out to sacrifice him. And I just thought, if Abraham had faith that God could defy circumstances, that He would have to raise Isaac back from the dead if sacrifised, then by golly, God could do it. And He would do it. Abraham put His trust in the LORD to do the impossible. To do something that he had never seen before....because at this time in history, God hadn't brought anyone back from the dead. But Abraham believed God could do something even if he had never seen it done.

I went to bed thinking about how I want to be like Abraham, and not that king. I don't want to put my trust in my own strength, or army or horse, or whatever the world dictates to be strong and sensible and will assure us of victory. God alone ensures victory. God alone...

My own efforts can not save me. My strength alone can not promise success. My adoption agency can not ensure deliverance of our son. Only God can. Only God can deliver us. He may use the agency and various connections to bring about His desired plan....but it's by His hand alone that assures us of victory. And I just went to bed that night thinking....no matter what happens, whether our agency falls or not, God is going to ensure the success of this adoption. God will provide, not matter how bleak our circumstances may be....He's gonna bring home our son, one way or another.

Tuesday morning dawned, and with it the confirmation we had been waiting for....our agency was in fact, officially closing.

It's ironic now, that I should write my last blog post about our growing frustrations and weariness over our adoption being dragged out for so long and never feeling any closer to closure. And then just days later to be blindsided by absolute devastating news, news that we never in our wildest dreams could have foreseen happening.

News, that our agency was closing, that could completely derail our entire process. A process four years in the making. A process that we were completely involved in emotionally. A process that we were completely staked in financially. A process that we poured every aspect of ourselves into...now could crumble apart just like that.

You can't foresee events like that.

I sent out an email that morning. A desperate email for prayer. Briefly stating the circumstances, and just seeking prayer to help see us through this new set of devastating circumstances surrounding our adoption.

A few hours later I talked to Bekah on the phone, and before we hung up she prayed over me. She prayed over me a prayer I never would have had the guts to pray myself. Bekah prayed for a miracle. Not for the agency to stay open and for everything to work out perfectly, but a miracle for the placement committee to meet today, instead of in three months, and grant us permission to adopt our little boy. She prayed for that specifically. For today, Tuesday, to be the day that they would move. For our little boy to be declared ours without another day's delay.

I say that I never would have had the guts to pray that prayer, and it's true. Not because I'm a pessimist. Not because I have little faith. But, honestly, I was completely resolved to wait on the Lord. I trusted in God's perfect timing, and I had settled in my heart to wait on Him.

But Bekah prayed in expectancy for God's timing in this area to be today.

After I hung up with Bekah, I went into the kitchen to bake bread. I turned on my i-pod to one of my favorite worship songs, "You are Holy" and I played that song over and over singing and crying and praying and worshipping God in my kitchen over my dough.

I am resolved to worship Him. No matter how bleak my circumstances may be. No matter how discouraged I become. No matter how long it takes. No matter what happens, I am resolved to worship Him. Because He is my reward. God alone. God alone is my reward. His peace is my reward. His unfailing love is my reward. His encouragement is my reward. His grace is my reward. I will not worship Him based on the reward of His earthly blessings. I will worship Him because His presence is blessing enough. And I have petitioned in my heart to worship him and give him praise and follow after Him no matter what circumstances we encounter.

If there is one thing that I have learned in my years walking with the Lord, it's this....

...we should not wait until we face adversity to turn to God. We need to commit to follow after Him in the quiet moments of our life. The moments filled with peace and security. The moments filled with joys. We need to discipline ourselves to seek Him and read his word each day, even the days filled with an abundance of joy, the days where we think that nothing could derail our happiness, the days we think we don't need God because life is going so smoothly that we end up putting all our hope in our circumstances, instead of Him.

But circumstances change like the wind, and we need to seek him even in the midst of great joy....because when adversity strikes, we need to be mature in our faith to handle the trials. Maturity doesn't happen over night. Maturing in our faith takes a steadfast and long term approach. It starts in the highs....to see us through the lows. It's when we're in the lows of life that we are able to call upon the Lord, to have the discipline to seek Him in trepidation, to draw up His deeply embedded Word from our hearts and minds and find encouragement and strength in it. To trust Him in his unfailing love and know that He will provide and never abandon us. To know that His word is true, and His peace is all sustaining. We need to be prepared in our faith ahead of trials so that when struggles and affliction arise, we are prepared to walk through them in faith and assuredness of His plan and love.

And it has taken many many years and trials to get me to the point where I could stand in my kitchen and worship him unabashedly with a heart committed to praise Him regardless of my circumstances.

Thirty minutes into my bread baking impromptu revival I received a call from Ruth saying she would like to stop by with the our in country social worker, to have an introduction since she (Ruth) was leaving the country on Friday and in the event we needed to connect then we'd already be acquainted. She said that she was in the parking lot of Social Action waiting for the worker to come out and she'd be to my house in thirty minutes.

Twelve o'clock rolls around (1 hour after I hung up the phone with Bekah) and they arrive, and Ruth is carrying a folder. She sits down on my couch, shaking and jumpy, and grinning from ear to ear. She told me she had an unexpected surprise in the folder that she just received. She opened up the folder, handed me a paper, and written on it was the formal proposal granting us permission to adopt our little boy!

There are no other explanations for this except a miracle!

The miracle that Bekah prayed for specifically just ONE hour prior, God had answered! The committee met, they approved our request, they formally proposed him to us! AND, not only us.....but three, three, other families who were waiting to hear about children they were hoping to adopt were granted permission as well! And one of those families had another truly miraculous story!

I was blown away! Ruth was blown away. They had gone to social action for another matter all together and while they were there, they received the papers. A matter that was suppose to take another couple of months....God answered unexpectedly on a discouraging Tuesday that started with despairing and gloomy news and He met our needs one hour after we prayed.

You can not explain away moments like this as happenstance. They are too specific. Too timely. Too personal to be anything other than the divine hand of God moving on our behalf.

I serve a God that provides. I serve a God that surprises. I serve a God who can take any situation and use it for His purposes. I serve a God who delights in putting the fatherless in families. I serve a God who loves righteousness and justice. He promised to never leave us nor forsake us, and His word is true. He is a God who sees and moves on behalf of his people that His glory and power might be displayed for all the world to see. And over and over again He has proven this true in the course of my life.

What at day! What a day. God can be trusted.

And now, to remember this day and course of events that transpired on not only our behalf but other families as well....so that in the months to come I can look back and remember His faithfulness.

I will need to remember this day that the Lord provided in such a significant way for us because these next few months ahead are still shrouded with uncertainty and increasing difficulty due to the untimely closure of our adoption agency.
Another praise, is that fortunately there is one other agency in the entire U.S. that has gone through the long process to be granted approval to adopt in Burkina Faso....just one. other. agency. (there used to be two others but they also went belly up).

Thank you Jesus! If there had been none, our adoption would be completely over. God provides! Again!

The difficult side to this however, is that this new agency has never gone past the initial approval phase, and they have never conducted a single adoption in Burkina, they have no representatives here, and they have no experience with Burkina laws. This is all brand spankin' new to them. And they are being thrown into this as unexpectedly as we are. So, they have to figure out how to go about completing the adoptions already in progress here. And we have to start over with a new agency, which unfortunately means lots more paperwork...and money.

Despite the overwhelming nature of this journey and this lasts weeks terrible unexpected turn of events....we can see God clearly present through it all, and that is encouraging.

If this process wasn't so long and frustrating, it would be almost comical. Almost. Well, okay, maybe it's already a little bit funny. I mean, with everything we have gone through, to now have our agency close when we're this close....all I can say is that this journey hasn't been boring!! And it's gonna be one heck of a story when all is said and done! Hopefully I'll still have all my hair left when that happens, but whether or not it's turned grey by then will be a different matter!

We just have to keep our eyes on Him and focus on accomplishing one step at a time.....

Well, that's that. Another whirlwind week surrounding our adoption! So, LOTS of things to keep praying for! But LOTS of things to praise Him for as well!