Today was the first day since I started this medically required diet that I've really had a bad day. I've just been feeling sickly hungry all day. Tired. The tired thing has part to do with my heart medicine...and part to do with not enough calories.
I was all "gung ho!" and pumped up at the beginning...ready to tackle this diet, no complaints outta my mouth.....
and then I hit today.
And I'm fighting the whole "no complaints outta my mouth" thing.
Every time I look at food I get mad. Sick and tired of eating the same thing for the past 11 days. Nothing sounds good. I don't want to look at another piece of homemade bread, oil, watermelon, plain durham wheat spaghetti noodles, or Kashi organic cinnamen wheat square cereal things. There is only so much of the same thing I can eat for every meal before I just can't eat it anymore.
And there I go complaining again.
I'm hungry. And don't wanna be.
I'm tired and groggy from being hungry. And don't wanna be.
I'm weak. And don't wanna be.
I want this all to be over, right now. I want to be "me" again....whoever that was before all this started. The girl who had energy, and motivation, and didn't have to take heart medicine three times a day, or worry about things like iodine and thyroids and radiation.
A lady asked me this weekend if I was radioactive. Really, she did. Because she heard I was on a low iodine diet. Really? When did I become a girl who got asked if she was radioactive...
Why'd my life have to go and get all complicated.
I don't want to deal with this. Today...it just all kinda came crashing down...hence this ultra pathetic "whoa is me" self pity attitude. I hate feeling like this. More than I hate feeling hungry, or tired or groggy....I hate feeling disheartened, and weak.
To delight and boast about my weakened state and current difficulties is a hard one tonight. But I know that God is bigger than my bad attitude. So this is my prayer tonight...because if anyone can turn my self pitying whoa is me sad sob into something to be glad about...HE can."But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." -2 Cor. 12:9-11
Oh yes He can.
Gladness and delight are on the way...(.sayin' it with faith cause I haven't seen them yet :~) ) He can He can....Oh YES.He.can......tomorrow is a new day.
5 comments:
everyone hits the wall at some point - today was your hit. but the bible tells us "I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me." This was my motto all through tae kwon do. through all my black belt tests. when i was so thoroughly exhausted i didn't feel like i could lift my arm again or attempt a less than half-hearted kick, or when i silently hoped something so big would happen - like an earthquake or something, obviously something way beyond my control so that i couldn't possibly finish the test under those circumstances? then that verse would pop back into my brain and i would just keep trying. even if i was the worst tester out there. at the end of my 2nd degree b.b. test, i shared my scripture with the people who were judging me who decide if i passed my test or not. God kept me going until i achieved my goal and brought some kind of glory somehow to His name. He'll keep you going, too. take a day off from eating if you need to. drink a fruit smoothie, eat cake, have some red licorice. you have only 5 more days to go and you'll get there - call me if you want. love ya!!!!!!! mom
Tomorrow is a new day.
i love the simplicity of some posts - tomorrow is a new day - AMEN!
hope it was a better day. The end is in sight.
I hope she didn't offend you with that. Love you, girl. I have so much respect for you - you have been so strong and courageous. You are a true beauty - doing what is right and not giving way to fear. Love and prayers!
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