our 3 hours at camp

(this is realllllly looooong....)

A couple weeks ago I was asked if I would like to come back to Royal Family Kids Camp this year to help all the little girls with hair and make-up for their very special birthday dinner.
I yes said, of course, and was glad for the opportunity to go without all my photo equipment and just really be able to connect more one on one with the girls.
Isaak is also there all this week and was really excited for the chance to see the girls.

So, yesterday afternoon, I loaded my girls up in the car (minivan) and drove us two hours to the middle of no where to spend the evening in the company of some truly wonderful people.

Before yesterday came...I thought one time, just once, that I might be going temporarily insane again, driving two hours each way to offer a few moments of our hands. But, I felt the Lord, most definitely the Lord, confirm to me that I was not going temporarily insane, and that He was the One urging me to go. So I went, we went, only because I had overwhelming peace in feeling like the Lord was going to use us, in some way, to shed some light.

So away we went.

Marvelly had been up since 5:50am that morning, had slept for 20 minutes of her nap before I woke her to get in the car...going into this drive I was assuming each girl would sleep the whole way, and I would be alone with my thoughts for two glorious hours. It didn't happen that way of course. Marvelly never went back to sleep, but she was semi-quiet on and off, so it wasn't so bad. Sydaleigh did take a little snooze which I was grateful for knowing she'd be up late.

Isaak calls around 4:20 and I tell him we only have about 10 miles left to go. He asked if we passed an ambulance on the way here, and I say no. He tells me that one of the workers from the camp fell off the very top of the climbing wall, 40 feet up in the air, about 4 stories, all the way to the ground, where he started convulsing, and was likely broken in every which way.
(more on this later...)

So we arrived at 4:30pm. The girls wouldn't be getting ready for the dinner till 5pm so we had a little extra time. Isaak met us out front, and took the girls with him down to the lake to play in the sand for a bit. I meander to the activity area and get this sudden sense that.......

I'm totally out of place.

and then...

what am I doing here?

I'm not a counselor, I haven't been here invested in these little lives all week, I don't know them, I have no relationship, I dragged my two girls with me two hours to help do hair and make-up, thinking that God wanted to us to be here as a family...and here we are, the girls are playing in the sand with Isaak, and I'm standing here not knowing what to do.

So I settle into a picnic table and start making small talk with some of the girls doing crafts. Isaak brings the girls back a little while later, heads back to the lake to paddle boat with one of his kids, and I slowly make my way with my girls to the lodge where the 'big girls' will be getting ready.

I didn't have any specific expectations going into this part. After all, last year during this time I was photographing the boys and only Kara and Holly went back there to help the girls with prep work. So, I didn't know what to expect. My only thought was that I was going to get to help a lot of girls get ready. And that's what Sydaleigh thought too. The whole way there, and days before, we talked about what we would be doing. And Sydaleigh was overwhelmingly excited about getting to help the girls with make-up, and brush their hair, and tell them all how beautiful they looked.

We get in and the girls are slowly making their way to the common room. There are tables and chairs stretched out in the middle with make-up samples and nail polish scattered on top. Along the walls are table and chairs with curling irons and flat irons. And there are a lot of helpers, like me, all waiting to help. And there comes those thoughts again...

what am I doing here?

After a few more minutes, girls were coming in but the other helpers were quicker to the punch of getting them sat down with them. Sydaleigh was starting to get antsy, wondering when she would get a turn to help, me wondering the same thing.

And then a girl walked in. She was wearing glasses, a fancy green dress, with green feathered boa, complete with a green feathered fan, and silver tiara. She made her way over to us, finally, someone to help!

When she sat down Marvelly was standing next to me and the girl asked if Marvelly could sit with her, on her lap. I said yes, and there they each sat, Marvelly looking over her outfit, and the little girl, content as can be with her on her lap.

Sydaleigh got busy straight away peeling back eye shadow samples for me, and watched in anticipation as I dolled up her eyes. Finally, after a couple coats of eye shadow and blush, I let Sydaleigh apply her lipstick.

She was nervously thrilled and composed. I can't imagine what it must have left like for her to be able to put lipstick on a 'big girl.' I watched, wondering if the 'big girl' would have any aversions to a four year old putting on her make-up, waiting for her to object, and to my surprise, actually, she had none. She sat there perfectly still, letting Sydaleigh slowly paint her lips, not fussing that she was slow, or wondering if she would mess up. She just let her help.

While Sydaleigh was busy at work I asked the girl what her favorite part of camp was so far, expecting her to say the rock wall, or swimming...and again to my surprise she said, "this."

*smile*

Once we were done I told her to go to one of the tables and a lady over there would help with her hair. She walked away, and I watched her as she stood by the one table where no adult was helping. She scanned the room, waiting for help, walked in circles for a few minutes, scanning the room some more, no one noticing she needs help with hair...no one but me.

So I gather us up and head over to the corner and decide to be the one to help her.

All the while thinking....I am sooooo unqualified to be doing this.

And by unqualified and this....I mean that this 'big' girl' was African American and her hair was done up in the tiniest little braids and pony tails I've ever seen! I've never in my life worked on African Am. hair, and this girl wanted it flat ironed!

*gulp*

I had no idea where to start, I just looked at her hair, totally intimidated but she she helped me along and said to start taking out the braids first.

So that's what we did, and did, and did, and did some more and I didn't even think I was doing that right. These were the tiniest braids known to man, plus they were semi-wet from playing in the water....hence, the hardest things in the world to separate! I was trying to do it all gentle not wanting to hurt her...but then I see her just grabbin' a piece of hair and rippin' it apart! I figured she had done this few times.

While we sat on the couch separating hair Marvelly was bouncing all over the place, in her very two year old fashion, and the girl just played with her, tickled her, placed her on her lap, over and over again. The question begged to be asked..."Do you have younger brothers or sisters?"

"No." she said. "I have two older sisters and a 9 year old brother."

Wow. For not having younger siblings she was surprisingly good with kids. Gentle. Fun loving. Patient.

A few leaders walked past us and stopped, eyes wide, as they surveyed the task I was undertaking. Eventually a young, maybe late teens counselor came over to assist, with experience in working with this hair. And after 30 minutes or so the two of us were able to style her up pretty good.

And that was it.

45 minutes. One girl helped.

I spent the next two hours trying to get Marvelly to sit nicely in my lap while we ate dinner and waited for cake. The girls were getting even more antsy by this point, wanting cake, wanting to walk, wanting to see Daddy. I was growing more and more frustrated over these two hours as my legs were being used as a trampoline, my face was being continuously squished together, telling "wait please" "it's coming" "we're not here for us, we're here for them" "wait your turn". By 8:00 I was ready to call it a night, but I still had two+ hours of driving in front of me. At least I could take comfort in the fact that the girls would sleep the whole way home and I would have some time to myself. Right. Again, not the case. Not even close. Sydaleigh sobbed for the first 30 minutes because she missed Daddy, and when she finally calmed down, Marvelly picked up for her, crying and screaming and yelling for an hour and a half straight. She didn't stop scream crying till 9:50 when she finally passed out from sheer exhaustion.

I was frustrated beyond belief. And in my frustration with the girls, and my tiredness from driving and just 'being'...I started to think....

why did I even come out here? what was the point?

I drove 4 hours for 3 hours at camp?

And I only spent 45 minutes of those 3 hours helping.

and I only helped 1 girl.

I was unraveling as those thoughts got bigger and bigger.

Isaak called at 9:30pm thanking us for coming out, and on the verge of tears I asked him why we even bothered coming out there....we helped one girl. That's it. He said it was worth it, but I couldn't see it that way yet.

I was expecting God to use us more. I couldn't understand why He would urge me and give me overwhelming peace to drive 4 hours out to camp....to help one girl!

I thought He was going to use us more. To help more girls. All the girls.

But that's not what happened.

And after thinking, and being frustrated (never mad...just frustrated) all night....it was in talking to my Mom this morning that it sank in......

"because He knew you wouldn't have gone."

*sigh* I love it when God uses Moms to shed some much needed light.

And He was right. I probably wouldn't have gone there. I wouldn't have driven 4 hours for 45 minutes of help to benefit one girl. So, He gave me the most overwhelming peace, washed all my cares leading up to yesterday away, and replaced them with assurance, a vision of serving as a family, peace in driving out there, the anticipation of quiet time....He gave me everything I needed to get us there. Knowing, that we would only help that one girl.

He wanted us to do all that, for one girl.
Because to Him, she matters that much.
To Him, she was worth the 4 hour drive.
To Him, she was worth the scream crying tantrums.
To Him, she was worth every aggravation we went through to be there and stay there.

I'm glad God doesn't always give me the big picture. Oh am I glad.....because if He did....always give me the 'big picture'....He knows it's a lot less likely I would follow. There would be no needed for faith, or trust, if God always gave us a life plan.

God only gave Abraham a day plan. That's it. "The Lord had said to Abram, "Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father's family, and to to the land that I will show you."" (Gen12:1) And that's what Abraham did. He packed up his stuff and got ta walkin'! He didn't know where, how long they'd be traveling, he didn't know the hardships he would endure along the way, the famine they would face, the conflicts between family, the war he would engage in to save his nephew...he didn't know any of that. And would he have gone if God had told him?

Would I have gone to camp if God had told me I'd only help one girl?

"For this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them. As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land. I will pasture them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines and in all the settlements in the land. I will tend them in a good pasture, and the mountain heights of Israel will be their grazing land. There they will lie down in good grazing land, and there they will feed in a rich pasture on the mountains of Israel. I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down, declares the Sovereign LORD. I will search for my lost ones who strayed away, and I will bring them safely home again. I will bandage the injured and strengthen the weak. " (Ez. 34:11-16a)

I feel like I got to see this....this verse, this truth up close and personal yesterday. I got to see God in action use us to look for His one. God will move mountains to bring even one of us back to Him. He will move mountains, literally, if He has to, to show one person they are important. And loved. And worth it.

Like my Mom said....if Jesus had lived those 33 years, died on the cross, and only 1 person came to know Him as their savior....1 person, out of the history of mankind....HE still would have done it. He still would have died. He would die for 1.

Because one is worth it all.

And I'm glad He showed me that.


*(remember that guy I mentioned at the top somewhere who fell 4 stories off the top of the insanely high rock climbing wall....they announced during dinner that as the doctor was evaluating the man...he looks at him and says, " I just don't believe that you fell 4 stories...I can't find a thing wrong with you." Totally baffled. A.mazing. He could have been killed, and yet was fine. As Mark said, "I bet there's an angel somewhere with a bruise." Isn't God grand?!)