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Sunday, March 29, 2009

Birthday Ball 'Bust'

Quite literally, a bust, as in my dress busted, not even half way through the evening.

But lets start at the beginning....

The evening was going great. We started the night off with cocktail hour. We mingled, took pictures, did lots of "oohing" and "aahing" at all the beautiful dresses, especially those worn by my mod squad! Everybody looked so glam!

They finally ring the bell for the last time and we make our way inside and sit down at our
table. The formal ceremony begins, we pay tribute to the POWS, toast everyone under the sun, lots of standing up and sitting down, and then finally we get to stay seated to enjoy our dinner. Mmmm, vegetarian entree on the menu for me tonight. We're small talking it up in between mouthfuls, I'm half way through my food, annnnnnnnd.....

POP!

followed by...

"HUH!"

"CRAP!"

"Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!!!!!"

I lean into Isaak and in my best frantic but don't draw any attention to yourself whisper, I say "Honey, I think my dress just broke!"

"Let me see!" Isaak says louder than I was comfortable with...

"Noooo," I respond talking through my fake smile, "just slyly put your hand on my back and walk me out to the restrooms, OKAY?!!!!!!!"

I scoot out of my chair with Isaak behind me and walk to the exit thanking God every step of the way that we were seated right next to the door.

We make it to the hallway and my dress comes undone EVEN MORE!!!!

"HURRY"!!!!!

We are BOTH having to hold it together in the back-but still staying calm on the outside even though I'm FREAKIN' OUT!!

I make it to the restrooms, Isaak dashes back inside, finds Holly and tells her to make a beeline for the bathrooms.
I'm waiting oh so impatiently in a stall and next thing I know I'm surrounded by my whole group!

Holly told Brandi, they haled down Kara, D'ashe, Liz, and Kristine and they all showed up-for, moral support, and to-

laugh hysterically!!!!

The zipper claws came apart all the way down to my undies!

I laughed, because friends are contagious, but I was crying inside. Why me??!!!!

Sooo, they jimmied the zipper back down, zipped me back up, laughed at me some more, as only good friends do, and we headed back out.

The whole restroom was buzzing after that one...everyone was "oh my gosh can you believe that", "poor girl, she's sitting at my table"

Thank goodness this ball is only once a year, it's gonna take that long for the sting of embarrassment to wear off before I can go back again.

So, I sit back down at the table, super self conscious, smile politely at the table behind me who undoubtedly saw everything when I stood up, and PRAY that it doesn't happen again.

The evening passed at the rate of a snail after that but I made it to the closing remarks, stood up and headed to the back of the ballroom to breathe a sigh of relief with my girls that it didn't happen again-

AND THEN IT HAPPENED AGAIN!

A-GAIN!!!!

You.have.GOT to be kidding me!

The zipper broke open in the back and right at that moment for an added cruel twist-the band started playing Dancing Queen!

Dancing.Queen. That is my song!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Not one to go down without a fight Holly and Kara convince me to let them fix it real quick so we can go dance. A human wall forms, surrounds me, fixes me up, and sends me off to the dance floor.

I quickly bust out some moves and then WABAAAM!

Breaks again! On the dance floor this time! OH COME ON!!!

Alright, that's it-I'm going home! Third time is clearly NOT a charm tonight.
I'm getting out of there with the small amount of dignity I have left.
I mean a girl can only take so much unwanted exposure for one night before enough's enough.

Oh, this was so not the way I was envisioning last night to go-having multiple wardrobe malfunctions!

So, thank you Holly for breaking it down with me on the dance floor even if it was only ten seconds,
thank you Kara for lending me your jacket so I could escape to the car with relatively minimal embarrassment,
AND THANK YOU Brandi, Kara, Holly, Liz, Kristine, D'ashe for getting my back-ha ha, literally, getting my back!-not once, not twice, but three times-you're the BEST!

(AND, for keeping it real and laughing at me.)

2 comments:

Unknown said...

You better take that dress back! If you need some more back-up, we will be happy to accompany you to David's Bridal!

But, really, I felt so bad for you and I am so proud of you for making this such a funny story! I told you it would be great for the blog!

Rachael said...

Oh, how disappointing!! Totally time for a refund : P You looked lovely though :)