People.com-Keeping Things In Perspecitve

It's no secret that I have this guilty pleasure of reading celebrity gossip.  Aside from the fact that it is just sheer entertaining...I also find it to be oh so therapeutic. There's nothing like turning to People.com when I'm having a bad day to read about the even more ridiculously worst days of celebrities.

Take, for example, my appearance as of late. Since moving here I have started losing my hair again. At first I thought it was my thyroid...but no, I couldn't even blame it on my health this time. As it turns out, moving to a desert climate has a way of making your hair fall out, I have come to learn. That is one of the number one complaints from Caucasian and Asian women when they move to the Middle East or Africa...they lose their hair due to the extreme conditions. The excessive heat, sun, and dust is wicked bad for your hair, so they say, and my increasing baldness can prove.

Swell. Just when I thought I was starting to grow some back after my thyroid went all lazy on me...I'm losing it again.

So I have the hair loss, the fact that my body and clothes are in a constant state of dirty, oh and my pores bein' grossly clogged from all the dust so I look like a thirteen year old being introduced to the joys of adolescent acne, my skin bein' so dry my heels are cracking, oh, and did I mention my arm dandruff? I totally have arm dandruff.

It's okay though.

When I'm feeling bad about my looks I just have to turn to People and take one look at Miley Cyrus in her midriff barring barely boob covering strip of fabric she calls a shirt paired with her high waist wearing acid washed jeans and her Sinead O' Conner wannabe hair...and I'm all like, whoa girl...that look ain't working for ya. It's a good thing you got Liam to put a ring on it before you buzzed it all off and got all butch because no dude wants to think he's kissing another fella. Well, except for the gay ones.

Really, it helps me feel loads better knowing I have more hair than Miley Cyrus. And the fact that I'm not going through some weird identity crisis. Granted, I am going through an identity crisis...but mine ain't weird like hers. Flakey and smelly maybe, but not weird. I mean, for real girl, you be rollin' in the dough...go get yourself a stylist. (*Anne, your boy hair cut is way chic...I'm only talking about Miley here, so you keep on rockin' that killer cut)

And LiLo....time to take out those extensions. They be lookin' bad....

I can't begin to tell you what comfort I have in knowing that while my hair may be falling out I haven't yet had to stoop to wearing extensions, which is just fancy talk for filler hair plugs, to help fill in the gaps. I'd rather be bald. (*I hereby reserve the right to back peddle and not be called a hypocrite in the event that I do start going more noticeably bald and resort to wearing extensions. However, I pray that I will be raptured up to heaven before I ever see that day.)

And when I start to feel bad about my relationship with Jesus because Satan be throwing darts...I think, hey! at least I'm not a Scientologist....those people are total whack jobs. (Hey Travolta, newsflash, your body is not inhabited by an alien. Call it a thetan all you want but in normal people talk...that's an alien. )

When I'm feeling bad about myself in the ole mom department...ya know, the same old tired song...not feeling valued, under appreciated, going stir crazy because I haven't left the house in two days, having to defend myself (in my head) to working moms that I do in fact work too....

I just have to read about Leanne I Used To Be A Respected Country Singer But Now I Just Walk Around in Bikinis All The Time...um, honey walking around in string bikinis all the time is not a job nor does it add to your credibility as once being a good singer. Please put on some clothes. I'm tired of seeing your ta-tas all the time barely being held up by a cut-out piece of triangle.

And I'm like BAM...instant pick me up!

Also speaking on the subject of jobs, of which I do have but am just not paid for in anything besides giggles and kisses...being a reality t.v. star does not equate to real work....sorry Snookie. Please do us all a favor and leave the airwaves to the real actors....of which you are not.

Speaking of mommyhood....when I'm blowing steam because I haven't had a lick of privacy or alone time in seven years and I can't even pee without someone yelling for me....

dude....there's always Prince Harry to make me feel better. I mean, I may not have privacy...but that dude has like, NO privacy. When I think of him being photographed buck naked because he stupidly stripped down in a vegas hotel with a bunch of herpes infested strangers and had his naked self plastered all over the news....I don't feel so bad about Marvelly ripping back the curtain while I'm taking a shower.

And when me and Isaak have been arguing and not getting along...I just turn my eyes to Kimmy and K-Humph and relish in the fact that my marriage has lasted for more than 72 hours...er, I mean days. Who are we kidding, that's hardly any better.

Seriously, watching that train wreck makes me want to high five myself. And Isaak. Go us! Not nearly as bad as her.

I love People. Truly. There dedication to highlight and exploit the ridiculous lives of celebrities so that the rest of us can feel better about ourselves is priceless. So thank you People.com, for helping me to keep things in perspective for over a decade.