Seeking solitude.

Burkinabe's are not private in the way we are in America. American's are quite private. We are solitary creatures. We seek aloneness. We value personal space. And I didn't realize how much I lived like this...until I stopped living in our culture.

There are always people in my home. Always. Since the moment we arrived our house has had someone in it. I didn't realize just how private I was, until I no longer felt like I had any. It's very different having people in your home every day. Especially people that you don't know, nor can communicate with. Odette, our housekeeper works here from early in the day until mid afternoon. We have a gardener who is always on the property. There have been numerous random workers who have been showing up to fix this and that. Security guards are always coming in and out. Local Burkinabe Embassy employees are always stopping by for different things.

There is no phone call like in the states to let you know they are on their way. And when people arrive at your residence they do not come to the front door. They can't. They ring the bell at your front gate. That is really your front door. So you have to go outside down to the gate and open it every time someone shows up.

And I am finding all of that somewhat frustrating.

In America, we don't live like this. We are a very private people. Whether we think so or not, we are. The majority of American's don't have multiple generations of family living in their home. We don't have internet workers and plumbers showing up unannounced. They call first. They give your a three hour window to when they will arrive so that you can be home. So that you can have clothes on, and your hair brushed, and a bra on, or not be dripping wet because you just stepped out of the shower.

It's been hard this past week waking up and not feeling alone. Waking up and feeling like I can't just "be" and live and adjust in private. Like I can't just walk through my own home in my pj's or listen to music and dance spontaneously or go swimming in our back yard because there are so many extra eyes around.

I find myself retreating to our patio at times. Sitting outside to escape the constant awareness I have that others are watching and working and aware of all that is happening in my private life. This is particularly bothersome to Marvelly as well. She is not used to having strangers in her home all the time and keeps asking when everyone is going to leave.

I pray in time we will come to adjust and accept this difference. But right now it is hard. Probably the most unexpected difficulty I am struggling through at the moment. Change isn't easy and it comes slowly. But the Lord is faithful and has given me some peaceful solitary moments to draw close to Him, and breathe, and for that I am thankful.