Less than a month to go.

Africa is drawing nearer. We leave in twenty four days. That's how near it's gotten. We officially have less than a month to go.

Wasn't it yesterday that we had twelve weeks left??

Time keeps ticking. To that I can be sure.

I find myself sitting on the floor a lot lately. Sitting on the floor, and staring. At nothing really. Yesterday I squeezed myself into the tiny two inch space of carpet I could still see on my bedroom floor. I was surrounded by heaping piles of clothes. And suitcases. And vacuum seal bags. And the contents that we are going to be bringing with us to live off of for the next three months before our stuff arrives.

There was a two inch space of carpet left visible. It was in the moment that I sat down, that I realized the whole, "I can't even say that I'm overwhelmed. To be overwhelmed I think one's brain still needs to be functioning to determine that it has reached it's max. I am happy to announce....my brain is beyond functioning at this point!" is no longer valid. I have reached the overwhelmed stage. Which is where the whole sitting and staring thing comes in. There is so much to pack and do...instead of doing it, I find myself sitting and staring off into nothing.

I was this close to having a little emotional breakdown yesterday, in my two inch carpet space, as I stared off into nothing. I couldn't concentrate. There was too much to concentrate on. Too many decisions to make. The mounting tasks before me seemed impossible to complete. I could feel the breakdown building up in my chest. It was coming. It was trying to escape. I should of let it maybe. Sometimes it just feels good to cry. Except I don't have time to cry right now. I didn't have time to give into my breakdown, as much I as would have welcomed it. So I started praying. That I would stop staring into nothing and the Lord would help me focus. That my hands would start moving. Praying that He would help me to let go of what doesn't need to be brought. To simplify. To see.

It's amazing how much you find out about yourself, when you find yourself moving to a third world country. At the beginning of all this, way back in September of last year, I said to Isaak, and me, and God, that I wasn't caught up in our material possessions, and I couldn't wait to simplify, and leave so much of what we use and live on now behind.

I found myself replaying those words in my head about a thousand times yesterday. For someone, I thought, who doesn't cling to her material possessions, sure was having a hard time leaving her jeans and stiletto boots behind. :~)

But at some point during my three hours spent on the two inch space of my bedroom floor, God met me. Slowly, my hands started to move. My mind started to focus. I could see again. I ripped back open sealed vacuum bags and pulled out the wool blazer(s) packed away inside. God helped me cut the cord. He helped me let go of the little things...so that I could see the bigger things again. Slowly my two inches of crawl space gave way to an entire carpeted area. I had made some progress. 

I love that when I am overwhelmed to the point of inactivity because there is so much to do I find myself doing nothing because I don't know where to start....all it takes is a whisper. A petition for help. And He is there, helping. Such wonderful comfort I have knowing He is close to me. I feel like there is nothing I can't conquer when He is conquering it with me. Even my closet. :~)