Go sing your new songs chiquititas....

Off they go.

Off to embark on new adventures and make new memories.

And my heart is heavy...with a mixture of joy and sadness.

These ladies of mine have consumed nearly every memory of my last four years. And there are hardly words good enough to describe how much I am going to miss them. Because they were so much more than friends. 

They were more. Much more. 

And my heart will forever be indebted to the Lord for surrounding me with their lives.

But times marches on.

Especially in the military and even more especially with the Lord.

He leads us forward.

He calls us else where.

And all for His glory.

We have done virtually everything together these past few years. And stood by each other through darn near it all....birthday parties, backyard get togethers, service projects, sicknesses, deployments out the flippin' wazoo, family loss, hospital visits, crazy radiation, babies, goodbyes, girl nights...

and everything you can possibly fit in between.

And then in addition to all that jazz every Tuesday night like clockwork we would gather together and dig into God's word, seek, cry, laugh, stumble, stretch, give, and grow till it hurt and then come back again for more.

We know just about everything about each other.

We dug it all up and laid it all out there. And in the process I saw God do some mighty things in our lives. I saw firsthand God transforming these gals into new creations. ( I will never ever forget the night Kara told us at Village Inn she gave her life to the Lord, or seeing Liz open up the Bible to read it recreationally for the first times ever, and seeing Rachael thirsty for more of the Lord in her life) He tweaked, plucked, pruned and stripped us all bare, and we grew about as close as friends can get because of it.

(But you could bet when things got too serious for too long someone would crack a joke and we'd be peeing ourselves with laughter the next second. )

That was one thing you could always count on with us...laughing. Usually very.loud.laughing. Without a doubt we would be the loudest people wherever we would go. We sure knew how to own a room that's for sure. We just kinda took everything over....movie theaters, restaurants, entire amphitheaters...

And it was safe. We were safe together. There was never any reason to worry if your friends were dragging your name through the mud, or gonna criticize or ridicule you to your face. We would poke fun, yes, poke lots of fun really, but the intentions were never with malicious intent. Always innocent and good. Never to tear each other down. Our friendships were safe...secure...where you could come in and be yourself, your true self, warts and all, and know that you were loved unconditionally. 

No matter what.

Friends like are a treasure, because they're hard to find.

So, in honor of the last 3+ years of more memories and goodness than I could ever fit into a post, in honor of friends who will forget their age with you, encourage and support you to no end, and all the adventures God has in store for your futures....let the good times roll....

"There's a little flame inside us all...

Some shine bright, some shine small...

The rains will come, and the waters rise...

 

But don't you ever lose your light....

In this life you will know, love and pain

joy and sorrow...

So when it hurts, when times get hard

 Don't forget whose child you are...

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Gonna let it shine...
 
 May you live each day , with no regret...

Make the most of every chance you get...

 Let your eyes get wide, when you look at the stars,
With the same sense of wonder as a child's heart...

 
With the ones you love-
treasure the time...

 And for those who are gone
Keep the memories alive...

Hold on to your dreams
Don't you ever let go....

There's a fire inside you
Burning with hope...

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine...

 This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine...

 There will be days when you wanna give up, when the clouds settle in...
But after the rain comes the sun, don't you ever forget.....

One day there will be no more pain
And we will finally see Jesus' face...

So until then I'm gonna try, to brave the dark
And let my little light shine...

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Gonna let it shine...

 

Gonna let it shine." 
-This Little Light of Mine by Addison Road

Light of the world.

I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness." -John 12:45

Bits and pieces

 Over the last couple weeks......

I heave hoed that nasty sandbox to the trash finally and in it's place Sydaleigh asked if that could be her garden. So she took my Mother's Day flowers Isaak sent to Iowa and stem by stem put them in the dirt. And she made herself a garden. It only lasted a couple days but it was pretty while it lasted.

Base safety awareness day got the girls some rockin' balloon creations and some fancy face paintings.

Memorial weekend we took the girls to CoCo keys. And Sydaleigh braved nearly every water slide while Marvelly pretended to be a mermaid in the kiddie pool.

 Me and Brandi hit up Jone's Brothers to see what all the talk is about.

Those were the heaviest most delicious cupcakes in the world. Talk.A.way. It's warranted.

We went to the strawberry farm with Liz and the girls. We didn't pick any strawberries but had fun on their playground till they tried to charge us $2 a kid to play. I don't think so. :~)

Isaak got pie'd by an eager friend at his squadron picnic. All in good fun. Unless you ask Sydaleigh who absolutely refused to watch. She did not think it was funny. Marvelly did though. :~)

Sydaleigh asked to get dressed up so I could take her picture-just because. 

I do love me some just because picture takin'.

 

I went back to the strawberry farm with the girls to actually pick strawberries this time. And then they wouldn't eat them. Soooooo, I decided to make something with them. I don't know exactly what I made. Some kind of strawberry jam kinda thing. I just kinda threw a bunch of stuff together and I'm not brave enough to try it and not because I think it will taste bad (I'm sure it's extraordinary) :~)...I just don't like fruits outside of their original form. So it waits in the fridge for Isaak.

 He's brave, he'll try it...whatever it turned out to be.

Mockingjay

I saw this little bird perched on the opening of the barn window last week at the strawberry farm.

Reminded me of a mockingjay.

I think it's safe to say I've crossed some kind of line.

She lost a tooth!!!!

After two days of being extremely wiggly, Sydaleigh lost her first tooth!

OH MY GOSH!!!

After dinner tonight Sydaleigh wiggled it while eating her cake and it bent all the way forward (I was cringing) and I called for Isaak and he pulled out the teeny tiny tip that was barely hanging on.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!

now ya see it (this morning)

now ya don't! (tonight!)

 Marvelly needed to inspect it.

I was so happy and screaming for joy I forgot to cry. I really thought that once she started losing teeth that I would be bent over clenching my mid section hyperventilating....but I was totally cool! No tears...just shreaks of excitement for her.

She handled it like such a champ. She was a little nervous last night when it decided to get super wiggly and came in our room after bedtime to show us just how much it was moving. She asked a lot of questions, like if it was gonna bleed a lot, or hurt coming out, but I assured her it would hurt no more than taking off a bandaid, hurts for just a second then no more. But when it came out today it didn't hurt at all. So she wasn't traumatized. :~)

I thought the front tooth next door would fall out first. That darn thing has been a wiggling for months. Months. And it's still sitting in there. And Isaak refuses to yank them out, insisting they fall out completely naturally. But the one that came out today was barely hanging on so I convinced him to give it the final heave.

So that's it.

She's on her way to shedding her last remains of babyhood.

WHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! So so so thrilled for her!!

(and since I only have a $5 bill, I guess that's what's goin' under her pillow...I really need to keep some 1's on hand from now on. :~ )

An assortment of thoughts on God and life

---I stood in front of my chair at church on Sunday during worship. I slowly raised my hands into the air, giving praise to my King, and that is when I noticed it. I shifted my attention to my right hand, a smile broke across my face, because for the first time in years I held my hands in the air without shaking.

For years, my hands have shook. And my legs when I drive. And my body in general does this constant vibrating thing because my heart beats so heavily. But I have been able to dismiss the shaking at most times, keeping my hands, legs, and rest of me busy so I don't have to notice. It's not severely noticeable, but subtle and relentless. I actually thought it was normal for a while...thinking everybody shook. Apparently not everybody does :~) .

But on Sunday, as I stood there with nothing to distract me. No way to dismiss the shaking or do something to keep from noticing it, as I stood there with my hands in the air, I was still.

Still for the first time in I don't even know how long. I forgot what it felt like to be still. To not move unless I wanted to. It was different, I gotta admit. You get so accustomed to your body moving without your permission ya just get used to it after a while. I moved my hand and fingers around, waiting for the trembling to start, but it never did. I offered up silent thanks to God. And even though the trembling has since returned it was nice to feel still for even a little while. It was nice to be able to praise God in thanksgiving over my body instead of crying out in frustration because of it.

I need to do that more.

Off up praise instead of complaints. Even though I know that God takes my complaints and cares and burdens, and He wants me to unload my struggles and frustrations on Him, and I know He never tires from hearing them because He is full of grace...but still...I don't want to be so quick to focus on the difficulties and frustrations. I want to be quicker to offer praise in place of complaints. I want to be quicker to find the joy instead of the sorrow.

Maybe one day this will actually start happening more consistently. :~)

---In other body related news...I don't really have a flippin' clue what's going on inside me. After the radiation treatment I felt pretty good for the first week. I only slightly noticed that I didn't swallow as smoothly as before...but it was so minute it was no biggie. And then seven days later my throat started feeling swollen. Right where my thyroid is. It felt like something was big and swollen and taking up too much room in my throat because it got a lot more uncomfortable to swallow and just "be". It's hard to describe. It lasted about seven days and finally subsided. I thought about calling my endo but seriously, what could she do? Give me a steroid maybe to help with the inflammation, but I didn't want to bother having to go in so I just dealt.

Sometimes that's all there is to do...deal with something. Live with it. No in a defeated kinda way. But recognizing that some things are outta my control, so there's no point in dwelling, and worrying and fretting over it. Like having an auto immune disease. It's never going to go away, I will live with this forever, and there is nothing I can do about it. The doctors can try to treat what it attacks the best they can...but, at the end of the day, I just have to deal with it. Surrender what I can't control to the Lord. And remember.....

I was already sick.

I was already broken.

I was already imperfect.

Having a disease doesn't make me broken...it's just a reminder that I already was. And still am. I had a disease before I ever had Grave's. And it's killing me more than any auto immune disorder will. The curse of sin will make darn sure I'm going to die. And while I may be slowly dying, luckily for me...death has lost it's sting. Because God made darn sure death didn't have the last word. Jesus conquered death with death and because of His great love I am free of death's hold. Yes, I'll still die, but death will not hold me. Christ will. Forever. Unseparated. *smile*

---In non body related news...a little over a month ago we had our home visit with our case worker as we renewed our case study. After we exchanged pleasantries we all sat down and he told me something I wasn't expecting to hear. He mentioned that the birth mother, of the child we were hoping to adopt two months ago, ended up changing her mind and deciding to parent the baby after all. After picking another family. After that family visited with the baby. After their kids thought they were getting a new sibling. After all the initial arrangements had been made. After all that...she changed her mind. And I couldn't help but feel a huge sense of gratitude and thankfulness that God answered our request with "no".

At the time I was deeply sad. And deeply disappointed. Wanting so badly for the Lord to answer our longing with a "yes...he is yours." But instead hearing, "no, he's not."

Praying specifically isn't easy. Because you risk getting a "no".

I never want to forget this. Our prayer. God's answer. And being blessed with knowing why He answered the way he did. Seeing that His "no" was said in mercy...to spare us from pain and hurt that would be greater than the hurt and disappointment associated with His "no".

I can't even adequately describe my gratefulness. His faithfulness. Knowing that the Lord of the universe deeply cares for me, and is looking out for us, and working good on our behalf. I am so humbled. And know that when He answers "yes" it will be His best for us.

And God's good things are worth waiting for.

Not my finest work

If there was a prize for ugliest cake this thing would totally take it.

(yes, this is a cake, just not a pretty one)

Luckily it doesn't have to be pretty to taste good. :~)