In less than 12 hours

In exactly 10 hours and 15 minutes my two girls will be heading to school. Sydaleigh to 2nd grade, Marvelly to Kindergarten. This is familiar business for Sydaleigh, having attended school for the past two years. But for Marvelly, this is new territory, never having gone to preschool or spent time away from me for any reason in her five years thus far.

So really, it's new territory for both of us. I have had a daughter in the home with me for over 7 years. But tomorrow, that all changes when now both of them head off to school.

I am not a parent that looks forward to summer being over and school starting back up. I love having my kids home with me. Always. They are my joy. 

I'm not ready for Marvelly to leave me. She's been my little buddy for the past five years, always with me, side-kickin' it right along side me, goin' where I go, doin' what I do. It's hard to think that she will be somewhere else now everyday. Listening and learning from another. Developing a life outside of our home.

I'm not ready. But life rarely asks us if we are. And I know tomorrow morning will come bright and early whether I'm ready for it or not.

However, Marvelly is ready. She is excited. She has patiently waited for this day to come where she could go to school like her big sister. So when the shuttle comes to pick them up tomorrow I will smile, and whoop and holler and be a ball of excitement right along with her....and then I will go inside and cry. And I will wait on pins and needles all day until it's time for her to come home. And then I will breathe relief for the first time all day knowing that she made it. That she can handle it. That she can ride to school and back without me. That she can learn from someone other than me. That she can have a life that doesn't revolve around my own. That she can take steps of independence that will set her on her track to be her own person apart from me. That she can thrive, make decisions, choose good choices, learn when she makes mistakes, and continue in the life that God is preparing for her....with a little less of me in it.

I'm not ready for there to be less of me in her life.
I'm not ready for there to be less of her in my life.

But life rarely asks us if we're ready.

So, trusting God to help us in this transition. To bring new purpose to my hours each day without the girls. To walk with Sydaleigh and Marvelly when I can not be with them. To send His Holy Spirit to counsel them and steer them when my hands can't be there to do it. To speak into them when my words are far away. To equip them and comfort them. Praying, for the Lord to be my daughter's perfect mother....until they can return home to my care.