Grief and goodness

The past few days have been heavy with grief and goodness....

Thursday afternoon a dear friendship of mine hit the rocks and we came to the conclusion that it was in our best interest to put the brakes on our friendship and take a step away from each other during this time in our lives. It's hard when you have so much shared history with a friend, to then see that relationship stall out is not easy. And it fills me with sadness, even if I know it's for the best right now.

Relationships ebb and flow. It's hard work to maintain relationships. It's hard work-to love others well. But one thing I have taken away from this experience is that relationships need work and loving isn't easy. And we must put in the effort to invest in other people's lives, or relationships will falter.

I want to get to the end of my life and have loved well. That motivates me. To invest in others. To take the time to pour into a person's life. To be available to meet the needs, however great or small, of the people the Lord has placed in my path. People are what matter. Because people matter to God. We're who He came to save. We are who He created to love, and be loved by in return. And I want to love well on His behalf...even if it's hard and painful and requires risk and being vulnerable. Even it's it's not reciprocated. Even if I'm standing all alone in my efforts. He beckons us to love others on His behalf....even if it leads to grief and pain. He beckons us to love anyways.

Then late Thursday evening I received a phone call from my dad informing me that my grandma had taken a turn for the worse and likely had but a few days left to live.

It is unspeakably hard knowing that I am so far away from family when a crisis and need arises. To know that my family is suffering and I am 5000 miles away from them and can not be there to comfort them in person. My dad has carried the burden of my grandma's sickness on his shoulders for the past few years, fighting for her health and well being, doing everything in his power to see her taken care of well...even in the face of extreme resistance. He has loved her well. In her final days he has been by her side, fighting for her as she fights to hold on a little bit longer. It is never easy to say goodbye to someone, even when you know they are suffering and death would be a welcome relief for their body. It is not easy to say goodbye to someone you have known your entire life. I don't have much experience with death. I have been spared for most of my life from the bitterness of this painful reality. But I have certainly learned a lot about love watching my dad selflessly love his mother and sacrifice so much these past few years on her behalf.

The past few days have been filled with grief, knowing the end is in sight for my grandma and that my family is suffering and filled with sorrow. Praying Jesus is present and His peace would wash over them right now.

But even in the midst of the grief of that day, Friday morning dawned and I saw the goodness of the Lord displayed in such remarkable ways. We saw His care lavished upon us. He met every need and answered much needed prayers, especially concerning Steven and his medical needs. He opened doors at just the right time through unlikely people and even when we were at our wit's end and thought we were out of options in seeking answers and getting help for our son, the Lord came through in BIG big ways that just left us floored and in awe over His goodness and care for us. His provision is unmatched. His timing is always good and perfect. "Weeping may stay for the night but rejoicing comes in the morning."-Ps.30:5b

And we praise Him for he is good! And surprising. And delights in helping us. Even in the midst of sorrow, may we always remember that He is present, and He is good, and will meet every need! "They tell of the power of your awesome works- and I will proclaim your great deeds. They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness."-Ps. 145:6-7