New Year's "goal"

Since having kids....I don't do goals. Or resolutions. Or basically anything that requires any kind of long standing commitment out of me. That sounds horrible. But since having kids the reality of committing to something long term is just a sweet hallucination.

Kids don't make it easy to commit to things.

Before I became a mom I was really good at doing things everyday like...

going to the gym every single morning, no exceptions
taking a shower
brushing my hair
putting on deodorant
cleaning the house
keeping my desk organized

Now, oh now...those days are history.

I am lucky if I get a shower and remember to put deodorant under more than one arm.

I have not seen the bottom of my desk in six years. Half the stuff that's on it belong to the girls.

Brushing my hair? Um, there are days when I don't see another living person besides my kids and I'm not about to be bothered fixin' up my hair and in the event that I get ambushed by uninvited guests...I've got hats to cover that now thank you very much.

If I try to get disciplined and decide my lungs would be grateful to not be huffin' and puffin' from bending over to carry the bread out of the oven, the girls decide that they are gonna randomly start waking up at the exact time every morning that I've dedicated to exercise. Or, I end up moving to a third world country where there are no gyms. And going outside to run only further results in my lungs revolting against me because I'm stuffing them with dirt.

So I decided that I am just going to ban commitments from my life...until the girls grow up and think I'm a whack job and don't want to be caught dead with me and I'm faced with loads of free time.

The problem is this. Sydaleigh is now seven and in the first grade and Marvelly is approaching five and going into Kindergarten next year. Those aren't problems actually. The problem is that the girls are actually getting more independent. Okay that's not a problem either. The problem is that my old problem of never being able to commit to anything longstanding because the girls monopolized so much of my time is becoming less and less of my life. I'm regaining some time again. I can go for some good chunks out of the day where they entertain themselves....SWEET JESUS IT'S A MIRACLE! I'm blogging in the middle of the afternoon. What.is.up?!?!? Granted, now that I write that someone is bound to have an emotional breakdown and need me, but hey, I'll take as long as I got!

Okay so the problem, for the love of Jesus can I get to the problem?!

....is learning to re-train myself to be disciplined and a good steward with the personal time I get here and there throughout the day.

So. I've decided to revisit this whole "goal" thing.  It's not a resolution. That word sucks and just invites failure. I am setting a goal. A goal is something that I am aiming for and trying to achieve. A resolution is something that you are determined to do. Well, I'm sorry but lets face it, regardless of whether I'm determined to do something doesn't mean squat if Life shows up and decides to hijack my day. And I am well aware that these two words may in fact be exactly the same, but in my head they are different and that is what matters.

I'm setting a goal.

My goal is this...

to read the bible in its entirety this year.

Whoops, I just laughed at myself a little bit. Not sure what I'm thinking setting a goal like that. Except that the Holy Spirit has been all up in my grill convicting me to get more into the Word because I've been slackin' and three friends in the past two days have encouraged me to do this. So, I am.

It seems crazy. Crazy in that I might as well be trying to train for a marathon...or learn to sew a quilt! That kind of crazy. I mean, people who run marathons for fun are just flippin' mad. Why would you do that?

Anyways, back to the bible. That is my goal. To read it through. Not sure I can do it. As a matter of fact I know that I can't. Like, for sure can't. I am the girl that reads her bible and gets sidetracked after reading only two verses, and has to sit and ponder and journal about ten words. Ten words. Some days that's as far as I get. It took me six months (oops, I lied a little bit, more like nine months) to read through a six week study through 1&2 Peter. Because every ten words or so I'd have to stop and write and think.

The bible in a year?! That is 66 books! It took me nine months to read through two!

I'm doomed.
Totally doomed.
Thank goodness this is just a goal and not a resolution.

Luckily, I serve a super awesome God who knows I suck at reading the bible without stopping and getting sidetracked and with His help I'm bound to make it through at least 20 of the 66 books.
Okay....with His help I can make it all the way through. He's kind of a rockstar and makes up for the mess that is me. And I owe it to Him to know His Word more. All of it. Not just the books I like. Even Leviticus and Amos. I'm sure there's good stuff in those too.

So that's my goal.

I start tomorrow, Lord help me. No seriously...Lord help me! This is not gonna come easily.