That really hit the spot

Little Cesar's greasy as all get out five dollar cheesy pizza's really hit the spot when it's raining, the kids are sick, your boobs hurt, and ya just don't feel up to making anything for dinner. Yum.

She doesn't make sense right now...

Some days I feel like I am hanging on by a thread.
A little tiny thread.
About to snap under the pressure.
Some days, I feel my sanity wanting to flee.
Madness taking over.

Where does all this come from?
One guess, Sydaleigh.
She pushes me to what I think is my limit every day.
Some days I sit back and wonder where all these emotional roller coasters are coming from.
The beginning of her two's were cake compared to being almost three.
I'm so frustrated.

She is loving and happy one minute, and then a mili second later ( yeah it's that fast) she is yelling and being defiant.
I wish I knew what was going on in her.
It brings me to tears some days because being her parent is so hard right now.
I feel lost with discipline-because nothing appears to be working.
Spankings, time outs, taking privileges away, it works for the moment, but then as soon as something happens to turn her world upside down ( you name it, everything qualifies) she forgets about the consequence and just gives way to her emotions.
I can't even give an example. Her mood swings are so random right now-there is no consistency
on her side.

( I know I've written about this before but it is heavy on my heart right now)

But I know consistency is the key ( I figure one of us ought to be). I just don't see it working right now. I don't see anything working. All I see are emotional outbursts that make absolutely no sense to me.

"Lord, give me strength to parent Sydaleigh in a way that will bring glory and honor to you. Give me wisdom to love her and teach her in a way that will be impactful to the unique person that she is. Help me not to feel defeated."

So spoiled

Side note: Marvelly is the best sleeper. By eight weeks old she was sleeping through the night for an average of 14 hours at a time, and now at seven months she sleeps a solid 12 hours, from 7:30-7:30. She rarely gets up in the middle of the night, usually once every couple of weeks, and it's usually because she has gas or something to that effect.
Like I said-spoiled. (and loving it)
So, on the rare occasion that Marvelly does decide to grace us with her presence in the wee hours of the morning, I still don't have to get up, because Isaak always puts her back to bed.
This Dairy Queen closes come 7:30 so Isaak gets to give her a bottle because I don't open again until it's for real time to wake up. I have the best husband.
Spoiled again. ( and loving it).
Wellllllll, Isaak left for California Tuesday morning leaving me home with both girls for the first time since we've had two girls. It's hard, not having an extra pair of hands, but we make do. That is until last night-when Marvelly decided that this was going to be the night that she was going to get up, and grace not us, but me, with her presence, at 2:45am. She's so thoughtful. She must have been dreaming about how much she loved her mommy because when she woke up you could tell that she was missing me bad.
"Man, where is Isaak????!" I think as I force myself out of bed...
I go in her room and I think she is going to explode with excitement! So happy! Talking, spitting, flapping her arms all around!
"This is gonna be a long night."
I'm not quite as enthusiastic as she is.
Like I said, Isaak is the one who puts her back to bed, and now I am the one having to get up.
Not very happy.
Marvelly, on the other hand, was very happy!
I give her a bottle ( her nubby) thinking that will calm her down and help put her back to sleep.
Uh uh, no, it's like she was drinking speed!
The more she drank the more hyper she got!
not loving this.
It was a very long night.
And I say all this to say, I love my husband, I miss him when he's gone, and I appreciate everything he does for me and our family.
(he's only been gone four days-I have a feeling December is going to be a long month)

Ready set roll!

We took Sydaleigh roller skating for the first time and I thought the rink was going to give her those dinky plastic adjustable skates to wear, but they actually had mini roller skates for toddlers! Look how cute! She had fun-for about 5 minutes and then was ready to play on this indoor playground they have. What a cute girl, out there skating with her daddy!

"You've got a friend in me"

Sydaleigh and her Woody doll

This was such a good buy. She loves her Woody doll so much-which
is good, because this was supposed to be a birthday present,
but she found it a few months early hidden in a closet, and clearly, I
couldn't think of a good excuse not to give it to her once she saw it.
And Woody has been a constant companion ever since.

Dressed for enchantment

I need your help! (meaning anyone who reads this)
Our small group is collecting evening dresses to donate to the local
teen foster girls in our area!
So, dig out all those great formals hanging in your closets, or shop off the
clearance racks at your favorite fashion stops.
If you are interested in donating please respond to this post and I will send
you my address, or email me!
Any style, size, or color welcome!
We are hoping to collect 150 dresses from now until November 12!
Lets send these girls to prom, homecoming and every other school dance in style!!
donations will be collected and then handed over to CASA
http://www.sarpy.com/casa/

Mortified.

Yup, that pretty much sums it up.
Sydaleigh had a doozee of a "three" moment leaving our playgroup this morning.
Oh my gosh, I was so mortified.
Of course it happened in front of everyone, so all these lovely people got to pay witness to my daughter being as defiant as she possibly could be.
Did I mention I was mortified?
I was really hoping to bury my head and disappear, it was that bad.
Uhhhh.
I would really like to get to the point where I can say, "Sydaleigh, please do this.."
and she will reply, "okay Mommy!"....
rather than.....
"NOOOOO!"
"WAAAAA!"
These moments are definitely hard, but it made it so much harder that it happened in front of people today!
Friends actually had to intervene, oh my gosh, I was dying of embarrassment.
Welp, no denying that we're real.
We have meltdowns, and tantrums, and defiant fits, and moments where all I want to do is pull my hair out in frustration of it all.
But then when tempers have calmed, and the crying and screaming have ceased, we have other real moments too-hugs, kisses, "I'm sorry's", "okay Mommy, I'm happy now", laughing, snuggling, and putting these meltdowns as far as the east is from the west-no grudges, or holding against. Forgiven.
Sydaleigh is really at a very cool age. She is learning so much, talking so much, making sense out of so much, it's super cool to see. She gets saying "I'm sorry", she's gets forgiveness, understands love and affection and emotions, all in her special almost three year old way.
I love all these almost three year old qualities, just not so fond of the defiant outbursts.

(this is usually a once a week occurance, I know, better than every day with the "two's", I just hope next time it's not in front of so many people, or if it is, at least be in a place where we can run away real fast!)

"Praise You In This Storm"

A lot of times when my mouth fails to express the words on my heart, I seek out music to sing the song that I can't find words for. I love music. Always have. We're always listening to music in our home-particularly praise. Praise is my heart's prayer. And today, this song by Casting Crowns is my heart's prayer for Isaak and his family. I can hardly express how much I love this song.
It's so real- the hurt and pain, yet through it all knowing that God is always with you, and praising Him and loving Him regardless our your circumstances.

"I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm"

"When the darkness closes in-still we're gonna say"...

...."Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your glorious name!
Our heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name!"


(rewind: Saturday 5:15pm)
We just got home from eating dinner at a favorite spot of ours, Moe's, and I went into the house to feed Marvelly while Isaak and Syd stayed outside to play.

Bam.
The call came.
No warning.
No time to think.
Isaak's dad had died.

Like getting hit by a speeding car.
You don't see it coming.
Disbelief.
A sudden onset of pain and grief begins to grip you.

Life comes at you fast-with no warning.
It's all I could think.

I felt lost in how to console Isaak or how to make sense out of what he had told me.
We've never had a loss like this before.
Isaak's dad was so young.
Isaak is so young to lose a parent.
So I did all could think to do, and that was to sit by Isaak and pray, while he desperately tried to get in touch with family.

Our phone rang off the hook during the day that followed, preparations got under way, tickets bought, on and on and on it went. No time to think.
Not having time to think during tragedy is both a blessing and a curse.
It's nice to have something else to occupy your thoughts away from the sadness.
But then when do you have time to deal with all the emotions that are inevitably building up?

Two days later, on the brink of Isaak heading to California in the morning, emotions have calmed a bit. He is dealing with the loss of his dad pretty well.
As well as one can I suppose.
We've talked a lot this weekend, about death, which is usually a topic that is pretty off limits in this family.
Isaak is always hassling me to prepare a will, tell him about my last wishes, all that stuff, and I've always dodged the questions never being comfortable with answering them.
Until this weekend.
Something in me and Isaak changed when we heard the news of his dad.
We have two girls and don't want to be totally unprepared, if life comes at us fast, with no warning.

I know and am confident that God can take any circumstance, even tragic ones, and bring goodness out of them. It has been my prayer these past few days that God's love will be evident, His goodness will reign, and that we too will use this situation to show His love, especially to those in such desperate need for it. And that no matter how bleak the situation may be, we never stop praising His wonderful name....

...."though our heart is torn, we will praise you in this storm"...

Marvelly's update

Marvelly had a check up at the doctors yesterday too. She had to go back in for a weight check since at her six month visit she had only gained a few ounces between her fourth and sixth month. But this time she gained almost 2 lbs. in 5 weeks. So she is sitting at a hefty 14 pounds! So she is growing-not a lot, but growing none the less, and I'll take that!!